I have a problem making friends. When I was younger I made friends no problem, even in my teen years it wasn't much of an issue, but now that I'm nearing 30 I'm finding it so incredibly difficult to make new friends. I do make a few efforts, but it's not like when you're a kid and your parents throw you together with other kids and you make friends automatically. It's not even like high school where you make friends with the other kids in your class or at your job or whatever... And almost none of those friendships I had lasted so now I'm without friends. I have acquaintances, but no real friends (except family, but I'm not counting them). I have ample opportunities to make new friends, but seem incapable of taking advantage of said opportunities.
The problems I can see for myself in this situation are threefold. One would be my social anxieties, I do have issues in crowds but even bigger is my issue of talking on the phone. I have outright panic attacks if I have to talk to anyone but my husband on the phone. Any silence seems awkward to me and I start getting sweaty and nervous and shaky (this even happens with debt collectors or trying to make doctor's appointments or something). This prevents me from calling up a friend to talk or make plans. I've tried just biting the bullet and doing it anyway, but I always end the call feeling like a complete horses @$$ even if I wasn't and then avoid the person because I'm sure they think I'm weird. I'm guessing this makes it seem like I don't want to be friends and am being standoffish...
The next problem is I can't seem to stop "one upping" people or comparing stories. I always have a response to whatever someone is saying and that response is almost always about me or my family or my experiences. And the worst part is I KNOW I'm doing it, and I just can't make my mouth stop. I've found that once I open my mouth and start talking people tend to back off and find other people to mingle with.
The other problem is that I think I just don't know what goes into an adult friendship. I've never really had one! What do adults do together? What types of activities are the norm? How do you bring spouses into the equation, or do you? etc.
What brought this on is yesterday I went to my oldest daughter's open house for preschool. Plenty of opportunity to talk to other adults with an assurance that we have something in common already (our preschool aged children). I even had a conversation with one woman who's daughter is my daughter's age. But I had no idea how to spin that into the beginning of a friendship! I also belong to a mommy and me group and I go to functions and talk to the other moms, but they all get together outside of the group and do stuff and I'm not included since I'm not really "friends" with any of them... It's not hurtful and I know they're not purposefully excluding me, but sometimes I think it would be nice to be "in" enough to get an invite.
I guess the point of this rant/whine/vent/whatever is to ask if anyone can help? Suggestions, ideas, commiseration, anything! lol I don't want to end up with no one but my husband to talk to and nothing to do but take care of the house and kids (not that I mind my husband or my housework, and I love my kids, but I'd like to have the option of something else to do once in a while!).