Hi all- I don't know if anyone here remembers me, but I have been here off and on the last few years. My last stint here I lost 44 pounds. Now I have gained 14 back. I feel like crap and I am seriously addicted to sugar and carbs. I know the answer is probably go cold turkey even though when I lost the 44 pounds I was eating sugar and carbs. The problem is the more I eat, the more I want until finally I have lost all control.
Today is the first day in a long while I haven't already binged by this time. The last couple of weeks have been really, really, bad. Two days ago I ate a whole half gallon of Bluebell's Banana Pudding ice cream - almost entirely by myself. When there is no easy access to sugar in the form of chocolate candy, cake or ice cream I am eating cereal and breads. One nigh last week I made a banana brea loaf, ate half that night and the other half first thing in the morning before 7 am! I am scaring the **** out of myself. I do not want to gain back anymore. I feel powerless and don't know what to do.
Today as been ok. I had a cup of coffee with two tablespoons of chocolate caramel creamer, but honestly I don't enjoy the coffee anymore. I had 3 eggs and 2 servings of bacon. About an hour ago I ate a can of tuna. I know it isn't enough, but I am afraid of eating carbs because they trigger me. I am also drinking water.
I feel so scared, embarassed and foolish. I have a happy marriage, great kids and good friends, so why do I need to stuff myself? There are stresses in my life, but I don't want to use them as an excuse. I think my bottom line is I love sweets and I am addicted. It sounds like such a copout, but I literally feel like I have no say when I am bingeing. It's crazy.
Anyway, I humbly arrive back here hoping to find support and inspiration. I need strength to get back on plan and strength to let go of the sugar and massive amounts of carbs.