Warning – Blue Post (not really all that positive) and I’m looking for either comfort or a kick in the buttocks! (I’m not sure which one I need really.)
I’ve been feeling a little ‘off’ in an emotional way. I hit the 55lb loss mark on Wednesday and I was “meh” about it. I was quite surprised at my reaction as there was no real excitement (I was doing the happy dance at -40 lbs). Within 60 minutes I emailed my bf and asked him if he would still love me if I lost my butt and my boobs went flat (it’s very obvious from his relationship history that he loves BBW’s). Of course he said “yes”…he’s my VIP.
DRUM ROLL: I think I’m actually a little scared of loosing my weight…I had that epiphany and decided to mull over it for a few days. I wasn’t ready to post this yesterday because everyone was so awesomely POSITIVE
. All the positivity really did help to read, so thanks. I just didn’t want to be a downer.
I’m shocked, positively shocked…that I’m scared that I’m going to loose all my weight (although at least I’ve identified it). I am scared to give away all my big clothes…I keep thinking “ok Missy, just pack them up in the car and drop them off”…but the pile just gets bigger and bigger and really it doesn’t seem that simple because of my fear. Odd that I needed reassurance from my bf that he’d still love me when I was smaller. These are all emotions that I NEVER EVER thought I’d have to deal with.
I realize this is probably one of those emotional lows that comes with loosing all the excess weight and the estrogen releasing into my body. But to be quite honest I’m flabbergasted with myself!
I’m sorry if I have rained on anyone’s positivity today, but I am utilizing this board to help me through this process and you’re all so great. So I want to be truthful with my successes and my challenges. I hope I’m not coming across as whining (cause really, -55lbs is awesome I know that in my heart, apparently my head hasn’t caught up), I just wanted to share.
Carla