I just have to share these two stories with people I know can sympathize in a big way. I am a strong person and I wasn't hurt by these incidences, I was FLABBERGASTED at the audacity and stupidity.

A woman I work with, I'll call her Judith because that is her name, is a fairly petite woman although probably could stand to lose 10 pounds, has been supportive and has told me along my journey every time I see her how good I look, how well I am doing, how she wants to lose weight (asking for advice) and the like.

About 6 months ago, I am walking with my other friend and we come upon Judith. At that time, my friend and I were both a size 14 or so. Judith says "Oh Bee! You look so good! You look like you took all your weight and gave it to <friend!>". Luckily, my friend didn't hear that. I turned to Judith and I said "that is the single rudest thing I have ever heard someone actually say out loud". Judith apologized and did this ridiculous "I'm so cute I didn't mean it " giggle she relies on to get her foot out of her mouth. I just turned and walked away from her at that point.

Fast forward to yesterday, and a group of 15 of us go out to a working lunch at a nice Peruvian restaurant. There is not a lot on the menu that I can have, so I order a side salad and some ceviche. Other people are having paella, burgers, half chickens, really yummy comfort food. Desert rolls around and every single one of them order dessert.

The dessert menu is incredible at this joint. So the table starts filling up with mango cheesecake, chocolate lava cake, creme brulee, shortbread cookies with hot caramel, yadda yadda. I order a hot tea, and the people around me give up the apple slices they have on their plates for me to nosh on. I guess I was making quite the sad face because my friend (same as the one above) asked me if I was ok to which I responded "Yes, sometimes this just sucks is all..."

As we are leaving, Judith turns to me and says "So Bee, how did you like your desert?" Oh my gosh - I let her have it. I can't remember the exact words I said but it was something along the lines of "Judith! You know I didn't eat any desert and all I had was tea. Your desert looked delicious though. Why would you bring that up? You are so rude I can't believe it" She started giggling and saying she was only kidding. I think I said something about not caring she was kidding because she was so tacky it didn't matter.

What would you have done?

I think you did just fine. There's no easy way to respond to idiots like that. Clearly your dessert was better than her common sense though! Sheesh...

I think you did ok.

You called her on it the first time with the rude comment. If that was a once time deal I could give it a pass. I'm not sure what the deal is with the dessert though. I wonder if she's trolling? Like always fishing?

Or... the opposite. Is she crushing on you? Any coming up with any excuse to talk to you even if it's nutty?

But you are handling yourself fine in any event.

Hang in there.
A.

i think you handled yourself great!! I love that you defended your friend AND defended and stood up for yourself at the lunch. We need more people like you!

You handled it very well, better than I would have. I think a perfect response to the dessert question would be the good old weight loss phrase, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

Good for you for having the willpower to make good choices when faced with all those temptations, not to mention rude Judy.

This woman sounds two cans short of a six-pack to me...


But...
I think it was fabulous everyone donated their apple slices for you to nibble on. How nice.

I think you did a fantastic job in both cases. I'm so glad your friend didn't hear the first remark and you really told her how you felt about the comment. I can never think quite quickly enough! Later in the day is when the great come-back lines come to me1

As for the dessert - I guess you could have said, "did you mean the tea, the apple slices, or the feeling that I didn't just eat 1500 worthless calories like you did? ALL of them were great!" See - I can come up with a good one if I have time to think about it!

You have to feel fantastic about your weight loss and how you've made all the right choices. You're right to never let an ignorant (mean, stupid, unthinking . . ) person ruin how you feel.

Lin

I don't post here, but saw the thread and read it. All I can say is you were right on gal. So many of us fatties let people get away with that crap and so glad you didn't. I think THE most important thing about this story is you stayed on your program at a very tough lunch to face. I think we should give you a big just for that alone. Maybe it is time for tit for tat though and if her snarky comments continue, next time say something like "Yes, I am working very hard on achieving my weight loss goals. I love my program, it is great, I would be happy to share it with you!" It would shut her up permanently I bet.

Great job in both cases. I always do better if I've had time to think about my come-back, but you were great both times. Judith has a lot to learn.

In the case of the dessert you could have asked, "Do you mean how was my tea, the apples, or my decision not to eat 1500 worthless calories? All 3 were great!"

You're doing a fantastic job of losing, BTW. It's so good that you don't let ignorant people throw you for a loop.

Lin

I hate how thin people think that an unhealthy food is less unhealthy for them because they're thin. She may be able to "get away" with eating like that, but the nutrients and fiber you got from those apple slices made your choice superior to hers. It's not an accomplishment to have a naturally faster metabolism than someone else, and no one has the right to make us feel "less than" just because weight management is more difficult for us. Yay for you!

you know I'm always one to want to kick the crap outta stupid people LOL but that last one seemed pretty harmless?? I mean, unless she was smirking or snickering when she said it? maybe she's not as interested in your food as you think LOL and just didn't SEE what you had?? I've no idea of course, it just didn't seem as bad as everyone thinks??? Maybe I'm not very sensitive or something LOL if she'd smirked at me or something, I'd naturally have said something hilarious...like "oh i could only manage tea - you people with huge appetites floor me, how'd you eat dessert after all that food???" bahahahah

Most people, when they say they are "just kidding" are not kidding. They are playing a game. They are spouting out what they really mean to say. They mean to get your goat. Judith giggled when she irritated you. She planned to ridicule you, then laugh about it. Her sense of humor is way out of whack.
A gameplayer will excuse themselves with the "just kidding" just so they don't get clobbered on the head.



When you don't verbally or physically rebut her then she "knows you will get over it." (The anger and humiliation) She gets away with this game all too often. She will use this game on you over and over until you call her out on it and stop her game.

When a person says "I don't mean to pry, be nosey, butt in," etc.... they mean to pry, be nosey, butt in. Those are games people play.

If these sorts of idiots bother you, then read the book: "Games People Play" ... a 1964 bestselling book by psychiatrist Eric Berne. It should be at the library or on Amazon.com.
You will be better able to identify all these jerks and deal with them better.

Here is a video on games...transactional analysis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOqJ4...feature=relmfu

There are also interviews with Eric Berne on youtube.com

I don't think she's handling your weight loss very well. Like she's viewing you as a threat now...jealousy brings out the meanness in some.

I think you did exactly the right thing with the first situation. She was rude and deserved to be called on it.

The second time, I probably would have been tempted to ignore it. Sounds like she is baiting you or wanting to make you look silly. Some people are just like that. Ignoring her may just shut her mouth.

But....I also love linJber's suggested comeback..."As for the dessert - I guess you could have said, "did you mean the tea, the apple slices, or the feeling that I didn't just eat 1500 worthless calories like you did? ALL of them were great!"

I would not give it house room in my brain or give her the satisfaction of responding to her when she engages in these remarks. Give her the benefit of the doubt that she is either very insecure about something or the remarks are not really meant in the spirit you are taking them, although probably they are.

Just smile like the Mona Lisa and say nothing.

I have learned (the hard way) that silence is often the best way to deal with people I find difficult (or who find me difficult).

Let it be, you know you were the stronger one at dessert time. You made choices right for you. They made choices right for them. It is all irrelevant to your own journey.