mj5 , 06-18-2011 07:54 AM
Good Morning! Ok, I finished it! Here is
My journey, so far....
I have been thinking about sharing this for a quite a while now. I have shared a lot, but not everything that has brought me to this point. I wasn’t sure I wanted to “put it ALL out there” so to speak, but I am incredibly proud of my accomplishments so far. I haven’t done it alone and THAT is why I will be successful.
Just over 6 years ago I stepped on the scale and was shocked. I knew I had gained weight, but I had NO idea how much. I was officially at my highest weight ever. I weighed 299lbs. YIKES. I was angry at myself for letting it get to that point. Sure, I could blame my knee surgeries or other things, but the truth was I let it happen. I decided at that very moment that I was making changes. I started exercising regularly. I started eating healthier (although looking back, I really have to say that I *thought* I started eating healthier, LOL! I will say, I was eating better than before I decided to make these changes. Compared to now, however, I was still eating a lot of junk.)
It took a year, but I lost 100lbs. That lasted for about 2 seconds. Then my dad died. At first, my workouts were what helped keep me sane. It was something I could control when I felt like other parts of my life were out of control. Then, gradually, I started slacking on my workouts. At the same time, I stopped paying as much attention to my food choices. Of course, I started to re-gain the weight I had just worked hard to lose. Believe it or not, I was actually surprised by that, LOL! Luckily, I stopped myself before I re-gained it all. I did, however, re-gain just over half of what I had lost. I hovered at that point for a few years. I still had my gym membership and went sometimes. I can’t say that I worked very hard while I was there; I had a “bad knee” after all. Yep, that was an excuse I used a lot. In reality, the extra weight was making my knee worse, but it was easier to use the excuse.
Just over a year ago I was having a horrible time with my knee. I finally went to see my orthopedist and heard what I had dreaded for a long time….it was time for the “big” knee surgery…either Partial or Total Knee Replacement. I was 39 years old, in horrible shape, and facing major knee surgery. Awesome. In the first couple of days after that appointment, I realized that I was not ready. The surgery was the easy part…I would show up and the surgeon would do all the work, but the recovery, well, THAT is the hard part! There had to be another option. If I was being truly honest with myself, I knew that I REALLY had not done everything I could to make it better. Sure, I did all the PT after my surgeries. I strength trained occasionally to keep the muscles surrounding my knee strong, but I was expecting my surgeon to just make it better with no effort on my part. I knew better than that. After a couple of days I made another appointment. I have to say, my orthopedist was more than a little surprised to see me again so soon. I had a meltdown in his office that day. Not one of my most proud moments. Once I calmed down a bit, he assured me that we did not have to proceed with the surgery. We came up with a plan B. Thank goodness, plan B continues to work. Of course, eventually I will need to have knee surgery. The damage is still there. BUT, I will be in a much better position when I finally have to make that decision. (and yes, my orthopedist loves to remind me of my meltdown from time to time, but at the same time he is absolutely thrilled with my progress—weight loss and muscle strength.) The fantastic news is, my knee is doing great. Sure, I still have minor issues from time to time, but nothing I can’t handle.
At work we have some awesome wellness initiatives. One of these includes having some control over your health insurance costs. Without boring you with the details, basically, if you complete all the required criteria, then you qualify for a reduced health insurance rate, lower co pays, etc. Who wouldn’t do it???? (lots of people, unfortunately), but I am NOT one of them! One of the items on the list of criteria is based on your biometric testing. If your “numbers” are at a certain level, then you needed to make 2 calls to the Healthy Roads Program through our insurance. Basically a nurse or a Wellness Coach that you could talk to you about any health related issue. My numbers were certainly at “that” level, trust me. I figured I could deal with 2 phone calls to save some money. That was exactly what I thought was going to be, 2 short phone calls and done. Little did I know, this would be the catalyst to really get things going. I spoke to my Wellness Coach and really liked him, he is very easy to talk to—he had to be…this is someone I actually give a weight update to each week, LOL! His name is Allen and I still talk to him each week. It’s more of a “what’s your plan for the week, what has worked/not worked” kind of thing….well, it is now. But initially it was gathering a lot of information and pushing me out of my comfort zone. Part of that was tracking my food for 3 random days. Ummm, what? This was something I had never done, never planned on doing, never wanted to do, it was too hard, too time consuming…see where I’m going? But, I did it, LOL! Luckily, I found a website that basically does all the work for you. There went my theory of it being too hard and taking too much time, LOL! What an eye opening experience tracking for the first time was. I was “eating healthy” (or so I thought), ummm, not so much! I was eating around 1800-2000 calories in those random days. Yeeeaaa, and I was surprised that I wasn’t losing weight????? So, we talked about WHAT I was eating and were I could make some changes. Eventually, I was able to get it down to 1500-1600 calories/day. We talked about my “workouts”. I put it in quotes because, well, I knew my gym workout was weak. Again…my “bad knee” was often the excuse. Or it was too hot, or I got out of work late, or…well, you get the idea. That was the part I struggled with the most. I would go to the gym. I would ride the recumbent bike, sometimes lift some weights, but that was about it. Connie, you told me to find something that I love and throw myself into it, when I talked to you about struggling with exercise. I was trying, but hadn’t found anything, yet. I will never forget this conversation with Allen in particular. It was the week of Thanksgiving last year. I had mentioned that I was interested in checking out a Zumba class and had been doing some research about when and where classes were offered. Well, on this particular day, I mentioned that there was a Zumba class on Thanksgiving morning. I thought that was pretty cool. Allen asked if I could commit to going to that class. I paused for a second and said “Yes” (Of course in my head I was thinking “you and your big mouth!!!!”) (I recently told him about this and he thought it was hilarious!). As soon as our call ended, I immediately texted three of my nieces to see if they wanted to go with me. I knew it would be way too easy for me to stay in bed Thanksgiving morning, but if even one of them wanted to go, I would never, ever disappoint them on purpose. I was thrilled when all three said they wanted to go! So, I picked them all up and off we went! Luckily, we can laugh at ourselves because, well, we flailed around like flounders for that hour! We had NO idea what we were doing, but we had fun! I decided that even though I had no idea what I was doing, I liked it. I started going on Saturdays. It took many classes before I had a clue what I was doing and there are still days when I just flail around, but I’m still moving! LOL! As you already know, I have totally fallen in love with Zumba. I have the two best instructors ever. They make our classes challenging and fun. Laurie and Joelle thank you for everything you do. You continue to push me and I LOVE it!
On 12/14/2010, I decided enough was enough. FOR REAL this time. Why 12/14/10? What significance does that day have? Absolutely none. It is a totally random day. It is just the day that I decided I was REALLY making changes. I started really focusing on what we were eating (yep, Eric went along with this) and getting to the gym.
I was FINALLY paying more attention to what I was eating and I was getting REAL exercise regularly. I started losing weight consistently. 1-2lbs a week. Awesome. I felt great! I also knew that I needed to get my gym workout on track. Allen and I talked about this quite a bit, but I just really didn’t know what direction to go. My brother was going to help, but he was busy in Afghanistan.
Then, my friend Karen sent me a link to her friend Chris’s website. Chris is a trainer. In addition to in person training, he does online training. She suggested I check it out. I did. Several times. Online training. Really? I was skeptical, to say the least. Not in his abilities. After reading through his website and emailing him some questions I could see that he was committed to what he was doing and was obviously good at it, it was ME that I doubted. Even then, I really did not believe in myself enough to be able to follow through with it. BUT, he offers a four week program (nutritional advice and workout plan) as well as a 12 week program. Since I still really had my doubts, I decided to sign up for the four week program just to see if I could do it. When I received my workout, I laughed. Yep (I don’t think I ever told him that, LOL). I was like, seriously, there is NO way I can do all this. And I was right, for about the first week. The very first workout, I was BARELY able to do 4 bench dips and I doubt I was doing them even close to right (I was supposed to do 8 in each circuit (3 circuits total). The morning after the first workout, I could barely lift my arms. Ok, so *maybe* that was a little dramatic, but I was sore! But, I kept at it. By the beginning of the second week I was able to do all 8 and have increased from there (I am currently up to 18 in each of 3 circuits…far cry from barely 4 just 12 weeks ago). Now I look at that first workout and laugh, but for an entirely different reason….it just seems so easy now. I quickly decided to sign up for a 12 week program. I was following the nutritional advice, I was working out harder than I ever had in my entire life, still doing Zumba—by this point 3 times per week, and I feel AMAZING! I have more energy than I know what to do with sometimes. Chris, I have told you many, many times (and will continue to), thank you just does not seem adequate, but THANK YOU. Since I started working with you on 3/16/11 I have lost 40lbs and 23”! It took me 14 weeks to lose 22lbs prior to that.
There are SO many people I want to thank. Connie for inspiring me and so many others with your story and continued support. Laurie and Joelle for your amazing classes that kick my booty! I never thought working out could be SO much fun. Karen for getting me started w/ Chris in the first place AND for being my sounding board. YOU are a ROCKSTAR!!!! Amy for changing our FRYDAY lunch out to Friday lunch in and then just going out to do something fun, instead (I think Chris and Allen would cringe if they knew what our lunches used to be like, LOL!!!!)…although, they probably miss us at Parkers! Allen, for helping me get focused in the beginning and continuing to support me as I work my way through my journey. You continue to find ways to make me think about what I am doing and why, which is something I had not done in this process before. And all of you. Everyone I know has supported me in some way. The comments on Facebook are awesome. To hear from people that “I” have inspired them, is still surreal to me. I can’t imagine inspiring anyone. It wasn’t that long ago that I was struggling just to get myself to the gym, let alone DO anything once I was there. But, if anything I am doing, helps you in any way that is fantastic! I am inspired by that. Please continue to share what you are doing. I LOVE hearing about it.
I have saved the most important person to thank for last. Eric. I could not be doing ANY of this without you. You are the one who keeps me calm when I am going in a million directions at once. You balance me. You are supportive of everything I choose to do. For all of those things and a million more, thank you. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend and my soul mate. You were warned, you knew it was not going to be easy ;0) (even my mom gave you a last minute out, just before you walked down the aisle…gotta love my mom, LOL!), but I am eternally grateful that you chose me. Some of you will be surprised to know that we were engaged just barely three months after we started dating. That was 15 years ago. When you know, you just know. However, I would like to point out that while I was given a ring….I do not believe I was ever asked if I would marry him, but that is a whole other story ;0)
As of today I weigh: 194. I use the 12/14/10 weight of 257 as my “starting point”. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because that’s when I felt I “really” started taking all of this seriously. Maybe it’s because I never had any intention of sharing all of this and never wanted anyone to ever know REALLY how high my weight had ever been. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter at this point. I am working hard and loving every second of it, really. I have so many people in my life who are supportive of what I am doing. I also have many people in my life that are helping me and I am listening to what they have to say (after all, they know more about this than I do). I have discovered that I AM one of THOSE people that loves to workout. I NEED to workout (NEVER thought that would be me, that’s for sure). I have also discovered that I need to eat well. If I eat well, I have lots of energy and feel great, if I don’t…well, I feel horrible. These are some the reasons that I will be successful.
OH! I almost forgot! Getting back down to 199 was a BIG deal for me. I talked about it a lot with Allen. I had been dreading this particular point for some time now. Not because I didn’t want to get there, but 199 is where things started to fall apart last time. Quite honestly, I was hoping to skip right over it, but of course that didn’t happen! I officially hit 199 (again) on 6/6/11. This would have been my dad’s 67th birthday. Quite interesting since the last time I had reached 199 was when he died. BUT, the really amazing part is, I am wearing smaller sizes than I was five years ago when I reached 199. According to Chris, this is because I have more “lean muscle and less fat”. Awesome. I have moved right past 199 and haven’t even given it a second thought at this point. I just needed to break that “mental barrier” for myself, to prove to myself that I could do it again. I am different this time. I am doing things differently this time.
Now, please don’t think my journey so far has been all sunshine and roses. I don’t want to gloss over any of my struggles because they are all a part of my journey. Obviously, there was the epic fail five years ago when I re-gained the weight I had worked hard to lose. At times I catch myself wondering what if…what if I had kept going back then…but I stop myself. I didn’t. I can’t change that. There are times that I get busy at work and I will revert back to old bad habits and think about skipping my workout. Luckily, I have been able to re-focus and make the right decision. I get so incredibly frustrated with myself when I do this. I have good workout habits now. They are part of my lifestyle, BUT sometimes my first thought is STILL to skip a workout. I am hoping this will continue to get better with time. During our recent trip to Boston, I made some less than stellar food choices the first day (but overall not bad, really) and felt horrible for most of the day. It was a learning experience, that’s for sure. It clearly drove the point home that I need to eat well.
Everyone always wants to know the secret. Are you ready? Come here. Closer. Ok, the secret is…..THERE IS NO SECRET! Eat well. Exercise. That’s it.
“There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going. Remember that the road to success is never an easy one. Stay strong and focused on your journey.”
.
Good morning Friends!
wow - I got behind on posting and I had 3 pages to read! Y'all have been busy! Between sharing the computer with the kids, all the thunderstorms (we unplug during those) and figuring out a vegan menu each day -- I just couldn't seem to log in. Good news tho --
Ate mostly vegetarian since F over K, vegan when I could or had the choice. Only rarely am I hungry when I shouldn't be, and I can't tell you how good I feel!! I totally did not expect to feel good. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel better than I've felt in a long time. I guess something I was eating wasn't agreeing with me and I just assumed that's the way my status quo was. (I know this sounds weird, but my cousin has an allergy to those little asbsorby pads they put in the bottom of packaged meat) I'm beginning to wonder if I do too - - or something in the packaging process. I have no headaches, the achy knees that I used to wake up with are gone. It's really amazing to me. All I can say is that eating vegetarian/vegan is working for me.
I haven't tried Diya (spelling?), but I saw it in some recipes and need to learn more about nutritional yeast too. Made some awesome homemade blackbean burgers(but got a royal case of the toots, need to improve on that), and a zucchini lasagna (with real FF ricotta) & TVP meat and fresh veg from the farmer's market -- it was so fabulous!
And, and and..... 5 pounds down!! oh yeahhhhh
Today's plan
B 1/2 of a Perfect 10 bagel (anyone else tried these? 18g protein, net 10 carbs, almost vegan except for the egg wash on top and made on machinery that touches eggs/milk) made by Western Bagel, it's in the grocery healthmarket freezer section by the Ezekial bread. ok, so 1/2 a perfect 10 bagel w/cashew butter, bowl of fresh fruit, coffee.
L green salad w/ beans, 1/2 baked sweet potato, grapes
S: probably a slice of that leftover zucchini lasagna
D: grilled veg wrap (making grilled chicken for the kids), corn on the cob, watermelon (hee hee hee, read your posts about watermelon, it really IS hard to stop eating it!!)
It's Monday -- have a great start to your week friends!
Hi friends - I have been in a bad place with food. The staph infection I had last summer has come back. It just got me and I medicated my stress, disappointment, anger with food. Of course, it didn't do anything except put a couple more pounds on. This time I went directly to the dermatologist and got some antibiotics. He says that I may be prone to this.
I got new shoes, so I had to start 'all over' with easing into my foot/ankle brace. Wearing them makes my back ache. I am hoping for the best. This has been the worst year of my life, healthwise....... but, I can't change the past, nor predict the future. I just can get through today.
One thing I can do today is have 'aware' eating. I will slow down, put my fork down, eat seated, write it all down.
Thanks for being here, always, for me - so supportive, helpful and more.
PS... I didn't totally run away. I still posted daily here at the gratitude thread at the 100 pound club. It's the anchor that always keeps me connected to 3fc.
Hi MJ - thanks for looking for me. Look at you!!!! I am so happy and proud of your accomplishments.