I just got my wake up call.

The Halloween candy came. I thought I could handle a piece or two a day. And I did, I did. Then yesterday my family went bowling. One son had a birthday party so they got pizza and cake. We decided to take our other son bowling with us and thought we'd treat him to pizza as well. He literally has no friends and gets very hurt/upset/down when his little brother gets invited to birthday parties. He breaks my heart. So anyway, we had pizza and I admit, I was very stressed because my personal life is in quite a bit of upheaval at the moment! I have been forced to do things that raise my anxiety levels as my husband has been disabled for the past few weeks. Long story short, I am a nervous wreck driving in places with which I am not familiar and come really close to panic attacks. I had to drive the family to this bowling alley I'd never been to in a very congested area (to me anyway) and I expected there to be a concession stand inside. There wasn't. So I had to either face going out into traffic again to find one by myself or to order one to be delivered. That's another anxiety trigger for me, talking on the phone. Then when paying for our bowling game, we found out they only take cash. There were 30 people in line behind us and they all had to wait on us while we tried to get money out of the ATM. My husband (who's mind is not working right) entered the wrong pin number which took us even longer and you guessed it!! Making people wait on me is yet another anxiety trigger!!

So...I was really, really stressed out by the time the pizza came. I honestly didn't over do it. I ate one and a half pieces, no crust, and two small cheese sticks. But it brought on heart burn and guilt.

I went home and ran four miles. Felt great!

But just now, the day after...I bought chocolate chips for making Christmas cookies. I don't know what put me in the mood to make them, but I was in the mood for it. I need a little cheer in my life I think. I told the family, "Do not eat these. They're for baking."

So what do I do? I eat three (THREE) handfuls.

All this to say...I guess the white knuckling starts again tomorrow. I know I need to get three days of clean eating (no chocolate or other crap) under my belt and then these cravings will end. I know this! But getting those three days is really, really hard. And this time of year, it seems I'm going to be repeating the three day cycle again and again and again.

Phew! Felt good to get that off my chest. I have way too much on my plate at the moment, literally and figuratively.

Eliana I follow your posts and you are such an inspiration. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. Kudos for not overdoing the pizza, and for running 4 miles. Keep up your good work.

We seem to have a lot of the same anxiety triggers! I HATE driving where I don't know (this has gotten worse as I have gotten older) and I hate driving in heavy traffic (again worse). The phone, yeah I won't call and order pizza or call about anything unless I absolutely have to.

You are smart to take an "I can make it 3 days" attitude, and then do it again and again and again!

I'm not sure what I will do when it comes time for Christmas cookies.. yikes! My kids would revolt if I didn't make some, I will just have to make only cut outs.. they are low on my list of loves..lol.

First big hugs for the days you are having.

You showed much courage and patience and perseverence as you dealt with the problems and anxiety from yesterday. You were conscious of your intake. Good Job!

As I have done many times - bought those chocolate chips early and rationalized that they were for Chirstmas - it looks like a little emotional eating and self sabotage. Could it be a little spill over of frustration with the hubby?

This is the point in time that you need to take yourself out of the house for a little Eliana time. No dieting, no exercising just elbow room and some room to breathe. You have to take care of the caretaker.

Throw the open bag of chips away. So what if you waste a little money, its better than waisting the chips!

Oh wow, I thought I was the only one!! LOL! Some of my anxieties have decreased with the weight loss, but I guess the driving one never had anything to do with being overweight. Nor did talking on the phone. And YES it gets worse with age!! It's ridiculous! And the driving thing is so bad it's not safe for me or for any of the drivers I share the road with!!

Haha, I wish!! DH requires constant...um...supervision (?)...for the time being. I'm stuck. We have a hot tub. I do destress there. Unfortunately it's green right now. I don't know why. I keep treating it! It's time to drain it. I think the filter isn't working, but it's just a guess.

Sorry to hear of all the stress but I know you'll do great with your 3 days of clean eating! And yay on you for going home and running 4 miles after all of that, I think I would have gone home and gotten straight into bed.

Sorry to hear you're stressed out. Me too!

The one thing I've discovered is that exercise really is a HUGE part of the solution for me. If I'm stressed AND skip exercise, I quickly get overwhelmed. As long as I exercise, I can maintain a more even keel.