What do you do when the man you love says he loves you just the way you are? I know there are some men who love thick women and I understand completely. But I'm a former skinny girl trapped in a big girls body and I'm starting to feel the effects. My 5'4 frame was not made to carry all this extra weight, my knees are starting to hurt along with my back and other things. He says please don't loose to much baby, but I'm trying to loose that extra person that I've been carrying around with me for the last few years. I don't want this to become a problem between us, but it has the potential to be a big problem. Any suggestion on how to handle this?

What if I were 5'8", 110 lbs, and I came on here saying I wanted to gain weight to be healthier but my husband loved me just the way I was? That he just had a thing for rail-thin? That I wanted to change, but I was thinking about disregarding my wants, my goals for myself, my health because of what he wanted me to be?

Ask him if you being miserable , hurting physically, and setting you up for heart disease and diabetes is more important than doing what you need to do for your own physical and emotional health.

My husband always said he loved me just the way I was, and insisted I was not obese. I was so obese! And I knew it! He knew I was very unhappy. He's very understanding that I need to do this for HEALTH reasons. Plus, my husband isn't "into thick women" at all...he just loves ME no matter my size.

He is having a bit of trouble with the loss of the girls, however.

I would focus on the health aspects with your husband. Curves are fine, excess fat is not. And you have to feel good in your own skin. I certainly understand that!

I think a big weight loss by one of the partners is bound to shake things up a little in any relationship. I think weight loss changes a person, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Most often, those changes are for the better. You deserve to feel healthy and happy in your own skin, and you are working on it!

Most likely, your man will enjoy these changes in you. I mean, he might prefer the way you look with the extra pounds, but what man who really loves a woman would prefer that she be in physical pain (knees, etc) just so she can look hot to him? Not only will you be more comfortable as you lose weight, but likely a lot more confident and at peace. He may be afraid that if you get TOO happy and confident, that you might be able to find someone better than him. All you can really do there is to show him that you love and respect him, and the rest he's gonna have to deal with on his own.

If he's a guy whose worth your time, he will grow and change with you. He will want you to feel your best. If he really and truly won't be able to love you anymore because you no longer physically appeal to him, then it's better you know now.

Good luck!

Men are very easy to please.


I think often times our partners are just trying to be supportive. They want us to be happy with ourselves and will tell us what we want to hear, despite it being inaccurate or completely false. I think emphasizing that weight loss is important because of health risks, is the key in rewiring his brain. If you simply harp on "I just want to be thin or skinny", of course, your man is going to tell you "nonsense!". As mine did. But my husband is also very supportive and understands the benefits of being at a healthy weight and how that has played into a healthier self-esteem for myself. Remember, there are extremes at both sides. This is something I still continue to deal with myself.


Best of luck.