So some might recognize me, and more likely most won't. Most whom I remember have moved on to better places in their goals and I am so darn happy for them... But I am in this section because it is again where I should be.
A bit of back history for those who I've not met in the past:
I worked my arse off. Literally. I lost 55 lbs... Then got extremely sick. Like looking at palliative care sick.
I slowly but surely gained it all back + 14lbs... Ok. Let me be 100% truthful... I had another 30 on top of that too... But I took 20 of that 30 off in Nov/Dec. I took the last 14 off in the last 3 weeks... And now I am back to 319.6 as a starting point. Not bad in the grand scheme of things I suppose... Could have been worse.
I am not going to put all the blame on my health issues. Some yes but other blame goes to my love of things that don't taste like arse incarnate, and that is the honest reality I live with.
I can own my failure. I can even embrace it... In a year and a half I went from barely able to stand/walk/talk to being fairly quick moving comparatively and functional (most days but who's really functional all the time?!).
I am torn between self blame, frustration and the self realization that I don't mind being the size I am 90% of the time. The other 10% kills me a little inside but I think that 90% that loves me the way I am was a big part of my problem. I was just happy to be alive so I got sucked into acceptance.
Health issues include:
Sero-positive for Lyme - 3rd stage neurological at that... What a kick in the pants. At least it wasn't the MS/Parkinson/FM/CFS/Etc. etc. combo they swore it must be, and I found that one doctor who would at least try to stop the progress and try to treat it.
Girly bit drama (sorry guys this may be tmi)... 35 days on... 9-15 days off... 35 days on... with bl of 27-32 oz. Even when they pulled it in with provera to 12 days it was that much.
Combine the two and it is a pretty dangerous combo for anyone who inadvertently might come into contact with me on a bad day... Bad enough with that much bl but knowing in the back of my brain that it was potentially highly infectious too... Arg. Sort of sent me into a tail spin. I'd think about it, and withdraw.
So I went through a surgery to scope and check to make sure no cancer cells. Came up clear. Went through another surgery to try to cut back on bl... it failed to do enough and caused more complications so... 3 weeks ago I get the:
"Lose 50 lbs and I will do the hysterectomy"
My response is... "Ok... I can do that."
Dr's response is "If you can do it in 2 months I will book it in"
EEEPP!
So I go back to something I know works for me... Was/Am doing well too... I know I lost 14.4 lbs give or take a couple points... in 3 weeks. I've worked damn hard and it is paying off but not fast enough for what I need. I have 6 weeks left to do 35.6 lbs... (i know said Dr would prefer if I was at the 250 mark but I think I can push for it at 280ish because of my build + height)...
Today I had a consult about Optifast. I am not game for the surgery. Nothing against it just not right for me personally. If I carried my weight differently maybe but I am hourglass shaped and heavy in the thighs, bum, and chest. That said I talked to a friend who HAD gone that route and they had put her on Optifast prior. So... though I realize it is certainly not a long term solution maybe it can give me the boost I need to push through these next 6 weeks.
I just figure it sure as heck can't hurt any more to try this then it does to do what I do for my Lyme - IV antibiotics + oral antibiotics, etc. every day.
That said I am back... Mainly looking for inspiration but admittedly reading most threads only put it in perspective how much time I lost when it comes to my original goals.
Short term goal: 50 lbs.
Long term goal: 120 lbs.
I know I am an odd one out to want to top off at about 200 but truly I would be more than happy there... 190 would be my bottom end as anything below that is not in my own comfort zone.
Regards,
Shelley