so, my mom and i decided that it's time to make a healthy change in our lives and we thought that maybe we'd try this program called the N.E.W. kids program. we were reccomended to try it by my pediatritian, it's like this program with four different people, a nurse, pediatritian, psychologist, and nutritionist. and you meet with all of them and talk about everything and they help you make goals on how to change your unhealthy lifestyle into a healthier one.
well, our appointment was yesterday and we met with everyone except for the psychologist cuz i guess he wasn't in for the day or whatever. and they asked me all these questions, about my food intake, my life, my issues, etc. i opened up to them. i told them about the b/p episodes, i told them about the plain old binging, i told them about the self injury, i told them about everything. like seriously everything. and i dont' open up to people like that, at least not in person. it's easier to do it on here because i'll prolly never meet any of you guys, i mean, don't get me wrong, it'd be awesome to meet you cuz you all seem like great people, but it's easier to open up to people you've never met than to open up to people who have seen you and are face to face with you and can judge you and stuff.
anyways, i opened up to them, i told them all this stuff, and then they go around and tell me that they don't think they'll be able to help me.
i felt like they were telling me that theres nothing they can do, like i have cancer or something and i'm dying. i know i can do this on my own, and maybe i will end up doing it one my own. with my therapist and me and my mom. but it just hurt. i don't open up to people, and this is why i don't open up. people say they want to help and then you tell them everything and they leave you.
well, needless to say when i got home from that i ended up eating like everything i could find. and then i couldn't purge because my mom was there, so i was freaking out about that, and yeah. last night ended up being terrible. i guess now i'm glad i didn't purge though. that's one step in the right direction. now i just need to work on finding a way to deal with things that doesn't involve binging, purging, self injury, or any other negative thing... gah.
i did want to end on a happy note though... looking through all the smilies i found one that made me extremely happy. and i'm gonna post it, cuz it'll bring a smile to my face to see it. (i can't tell you why it makes me happy, i have no idea... it's just fun...)