I'm so afraid, that at any moment, all my progress {in dieting and life} will crash down around me into a bazillion little pieces. I've been getting my school work done, on time and impeccably {my one prof's only complaint with me is that I leave the class to use the washroom ><}. I'm keeping up with all the housework, all my daughters' educational needs and my freelance work. And I'm on the straight and narrow with my diet.
But recently my mom hit one her "cycles"...made worse by menopause. While my mom and I have MAJOR conflicts sometimes, she's been my center of stability forever. Now she's going slowly crazy - she's done it before, and she'll get over it this time. It's just so hard to keep it together when I have no one to turn to {and while 3FC is great, I can't call the message board up at 10PM at night crying}. Two of our best friends just left the country, another is tied up with a nasty custody dispute and my BFF has decided to totally cut me out of her life. My hubby is so stressed from finishing school this semester, work and the program he's writing that he's disconnected, and even if he wasn't I can't put more stress on him. Oh, and I haven't gotten my monthly for over a month and a half STRESS!!!
I had a total panic freak out tonight. Did those yam noodles really only have 1 carb? How many carbs were in my veggies? Was there too much soy sauce? Did I just gain 10 pounds from a single bowl? I was good, rushed away the fridge {read : chocolate} and jumped in the bath. I know it wasn't actually about my weight - there's no way I could have gone over my daily limit, and if I did it was only by 2-3 carbs. But my weight-loss was the easiest, most convenient thing to freak out about.
Sorry for the long winded pity-me post. I'm just feeling really down and had to let it all out.