But my self esteem is seriously suffering right now. Help! Please. Lol.

I'm almost 5'9, but not quite. Last time I was measured, which wasn't long ago, I was 5'8 and 3/4. So I guess anywhere between the highest healthiest weight range at 5'8 and the highest healthiest weight range at 5'9 would be my highest healthiest weight. The weight for 5'8 is 122-164, and the weight for 5'9 is 125-169. So I figure... about 167/168 or so is my highest healthy weight. The good news is, that's only 32 pounds to lose!!!! Then of course, I will lose some more (hoping to get down to 150) because I think the highest healthiest weight at that height is meant for people with a bigger frame... not sure. The calculator I used online didn't ask for frame size and I'm not sure about my frame size.

I USED to think I had a medium frame, but recently I was talking to my aunt about how it annoys me how my smaller and skinny sister talks crap to me about me being 'overweight', because her smaller body size is really all she has. I fortunately look just like my mom and it infuriates my sister to no end, hence why she throws my weight in my face to be spiteful. But, ya know, most men don't seem to notice or care. I think my height stretches out my weight and makes me look extra-curvy as opposed to seriously heavy (I have never been called fat or overweight by anyone except for my sister). All my boyfriend's friends tell him that I'm pretty and they see nothing wrong with me. Just yesterday I met a friend of his who later told him I was really pretty and he should hold on to me. That sort of stuff makes me feel better, but I still want to lose the weight because although no one knows my true weight, I do, and it makes me feel like crap.

Anyway, my well-meaning aunt was like "you are you and nobody else. You will never be small like your sister, and she will never look like you in the face. You are just a bigboned girl, not fat, but you're gorgeous."

Which really infuriated me. I don't think that I am actually bigboned... I think my extra weight gives me the appearance of being big-boned rather than just plain old overweight, thanks to my height. It stretches it out some. I said to her, 'well I used to be skinny'... (referring to a few years ago, because looking back in time, I looked great at 18!) and she said, "no, you were never skinny. Never ever skinny. You were very proportionate, not overweight, just right. So ya gained weight, so what. Just take the stroller and walk everyday." And I was just like, 'gee thanks.' So my aunt says I'm bigboned... but I really don't think that I am. I think I am medium... but I may be deluding myself because although I like my height, I don't want to be one of those 'big boned tall girls'. (No offense, big boned tall girls! You're beautiful! It's just, well.. I didn't think that I was big boned.

I know throughout this post I've sounded egotistical but I want to look healthy not just for vanity purposes, but to be healthy and live a long life. I have a 4 month old son... and want to be a healthy, fit mom. I just feel pretty bad about myself right now and although on Sunday, I'm gonna start the south beach diet for a bit, (or at least my modified version), I still think nothing's gonna change. Though I went from 240 something after giving birth to 200 as of yesterday! Yay.

How do I figure out what my frame size is? And any other support and help for my mental state is seriously needed.

There is a link where you measure your wrist and decide your frame size.

http://www.am-i-fat.com/body_frame_size.html

However, I would like to warn you, though... I remember when I was a teen, my fingers didn't reach around my wrist. Now they overlap. So... I'm not sure if this frame size test is really good... but at least it's something...?

Also, you are at 200 not at 240! That's great! Think positive, not negative. You already lost 5 lbs and that will add up more and more and you will be fit. Who cares about being small? If you are fit and healthy, that's what matters! Your sister may be skinny and small but she could be "fat" if she's not fit and heathy.

I just tried it and not only does the wrist thing say I am large framed, but so does the elbow breadth test!!!

It seems like no matter what I do, I'm gonna be big. When I was younger I tried the wrist thing and it said my frame was small. Now my fingers only touch if I squeeze and push it, basically.

Since it has changed, maybe it's best to wait to try it until you are within your healthy weight range...

I'm 5'7"... was upto 208 lbs...and I'm a KOREAN! Where the one-size female clothes is like size 4! But people never called me fat. (well, not Koreans..but my American friends...) They said I was just big, but not fat. Even my boyfriends never could've guessed my weight. It's the same even now. No one can ever guess my weight... People say I probably weigh 160 at the most. I wish!!! I must be big bone too but I stopped paying attention to it and trying to do what's right and just eat right and workout. I will give myself till I reach at least 150 and see if I'm considered big boned or not...

Well when I said younger, I mean like really young, I was 11 or so. Mom read about it in a magazine and told me to see what my frame was.

Q: I tried my thumb and index finger (isn't that the one right next to your thumb??) and that's when my fingers don't touch. And I saw a few sites that said to do it that way. But then I saw a bunch of sites that said to use your thumb and middle finger and when I did that, it turns up saying I have a medium frame. So which one is it???

What about actually measuring the circumference of the wrist, rather than using fingers and see if they touch?

I would but I don't have a measuring thingy.. I wonder if a doctor would be able to tell me, I hope so. I am confused.


Thank you. I do hope that I get really fit and healthy and that despite whatever my frame size may be, that I will look really good. I remember that I used to, regardless of what my frame size is. So I guess I should focus on my 18 year old body rather than the 22 year old overweight body. I can't be petite obviously, no matter what, so I should focus on what is healthy. ( sometimes it's hard to think like this lol.)



I bet I would never, ever fit into a size 4.. (nor ever have beautiful asian looks, you girls are really lucky!) I get the same thing from people, not being able to guess my weight, sometimes it really annoys me because I know there is a thin person hiding in here. No one thinks I'm actually fat, just big boned or something, especially since I'm tall. I am trying to get to 150 as well and then see where things should go from there.

Measure the bones in the elbow, not the wrist- wrist is far less accurate

I was a "Big-boned tall girl"... and now I'm just the "tall girl" part. So coming from someone who believed she was big-boned all her life, don't even bother focusing on your frame when determining what your goals are. I'm now considered a medium frame... but I do believe I'm one sturdy 6 footer! When I was 200+ pounds I thought it was impossible for my weight to go below 180 without looking like a rail. well surprise! I'm 170 and can completely see that with exercise and a healthy diet, i'll be a knockout at 160 lbs. (that's the modest me speaking. gotta keep that passion!)

If you really want to know what type of frame you are, then calipers are the best way from what I've seen. And you can have that done at most gyms or your doctor maybe as well.

Set your own goals and truly internalize them. You spell out your own doom by saying "I still think nothing's going to change". Get that positive thinking going and know that with each day that goes by where you focus on good eating habits and exercise - you'll feel 100 times better.

- medium-boned tall girl

I think that if you workout and continue to eat right you'll get to your desired size. My doctor and doctors I had in the past said there's no such thing as big boned, that it's just a myth for people to say being overweight is acceptable. Look at the positives and stop dwelling on the negatives it'll only bog you down.

I will never be tiny. I am 5'5" and a curvy girl - already have bad two breast reductions and my fingers will never touch together on my wrist.

But ya know what? I will be healthy. I will be fit and I will be the best me that I can possibly be.

Because at the end of the day I can only be me and work with all the blessings I have.

Speaking of positive thinking, have you considered a name change? PM me if you want to change it - maybe ditch the fat part since it looks like self-sabotage. Maybe "Fit Melanie"?

What she said!

I really can't add more, only to say that I was the exact same way. Now, I'm not tall (well, I'm taller than average, but you know what I mean) and I was always told I had a large frame or was "big boned" and that I had my dad's thick German genes. Well, that turned out to be UNTRUE. I take after my mother. I have a small-medium frame with wider hips and am downright bony. Exactly like my 5'0 98 lb mother. Just taller. And my fingers overlap around my wrist.

I think height can also distort people's perception of weight quite a bit. I have a friend who is 5'10 with a PERFECT figure. Perfect proportions. And gorgeous. I would never in a million years guess that she weighed 170 and was a size 10. Actually, I think she's a 12. And she's bony as all get out.

my best friend in high school is 5'10. Yesterday we bought bridesmaid dresses and she got a 12, she was a 16 in high school. She was talking about how our friend was going to have to buy the same size as her if not bigger and she's 5'2. Our other friend got a 6 and she's like I'M TWICE YOUR SIZE...but in reality she's 8 inches taller and it proportioned different. Don't look at weight as your only indicator. You can be thin and tall and still wear a 10 and look as good or better than someone short who wears a 2 or 4. Height definitely is a factor. I'm sure you look great and your aunt is right, you are YOU!! Love yourself!

Melanie --

I'm pretty much the same size as you...almost exactly. And ya know what??? Whenever I've referred to myself as "fat" to people that I trust, they've always told me something like this:

Basically, if we were a size 0 at our height, we would look sort of creepy. There are some people that are that thin naturally and have slimmer bone structure in their hips, whatever. We're not them.

Even if I have a very low body fat percentage, I will NEVER be that small of a size, just because I have wide hips/plevic bones (it's all that Hungarian blood in me....). BUT -- I do have friends who are that slim, and ya know what?? They would give their left boob to be a little more curvy. They think they look like boys and that they don't have a "sexiness" that comes with the wider hips that we have.

Maybe you should consider getting your body fat measured by a doctor/trainer/something. (NOT LOOK AT YOUR BMI!!! Those can be so ridiculously inaccurate because they only look at weight vs. height). Then, shoot for a healthy BF% instead of a certain size.

Try to be more positive about your weight loss -- you've already accomplished a lot!! I know how hard it is, but if we just keep going we WILL get there!