Hi Everyone,
Thanks for the warm welcome! I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.
I'm am living in Kelowna BC which is east of all that Rocky mountain splendor you mentioned Bill and West of White Rock/ Surrey where your brother is Erika. We do have a huge big lake for the summer and a ski hill for the winter now to get fit enough to do all those lovely sporty things. On my Advantages Response Card is Be comfortable trying new physical activities.
Sue I am also doing a "stuff" purge mostly because I am moving but it always feels good. My Dad is a major pack rat so it's in my DNA and I am always doing battle ..lol
Bill I so do the pick at my meal while walking to the table it's nuts that I can't wait that whole four seconds it takes to get there. I'm always struggling to eat sitting down.
Cheeers
Lori

Hi there everyone,
Thanks for your well wishes. Pup is being such a trouper-he is really keeping his head up for one who feels so awful!

Today was a bit better than yesterday-except that I am so tired from the emotional energy expenditure and then life.... you all know!

Eating fine...trying to make my housecleaning aerobic for exercise tonight. I must go to bed after that.

I love the declutter movement. I really try to get rid of anything that I realize I don't love or need as soon as I make that realization. I use freecycle and craigslist for getting rid of higher ticket items but mostly send it to Goodwill.

Have a wonderful night-sounds like we have lots of people from up north! I live in WA state.

Til' tomorrow (I feel better at least checking with SOMETHING each day!)... Heidi

Hello All,

Just a short note as our local server will down for maintanence after 10:30.

I honestly still not really stricking to a true 1600 cals a day-just added enough more quick treats to hamper weight loss. I am wondering if I am waiting until day 14 or so stick to diet?

My sabatoging thought is that I have the foundation and eating basically on plan but I'll just add some tastes of caloric foods because soon (but not today) I'll be very strict again. I have been doing this for over 3 weeks now. I know that we have increase our wine and martini drinking-given wine and gin for gifts. I bet the evening cocktails are leading me astray. Luckly we should run out soon.

What is Boston doing warmer that California? There was a bit of sun today, but raining again tonight. Tomarrow we drive 4 hrs to help one of our kids with a plumbing problem. Dh and I still are getting purging badges-this little place is looking spacious.

Heidi-glad to hear you pup is doing better. Animals can become such members of the family. Pets' uncomplicated and complete acceptance of us is is such a gift.

Kitt-oh those sensuous pics of food on menus. I flip at chili's hugh multi page menu of glistening calorie ladden foods. talk about calorie porn-my eyes glaze over, mouth waters-not good. But good for you for resisting it.

Big wave to everyone-
sue

Rereading Program-day 3, Eat Sitting Down, confronts me about samples at Whole Foods. Beck writes, "When you sit down to eat, especially at your dining table, you've made a conscious decision to eat." So, Beck's word for the opposite of mindless is conscious. When I'm grazing mindlessly, I'm not eating consciously. It is hard for me to sort my conflicting goals here. For example, the other day at Whole Foods I ate a grapefruit wedge - arguably I learned where grapefruits are developing in their season, and certainly had few enough calories. And then had a very tiny sample of $40.99/lb. cheese - the only way a $40.99/lb. cheese is likely to pass my lips. The cheese was good, but I learned that it is not, for me, 3x as good as the most expensive I'm likely to buy. Work to do here.


Sue (CoastalSue) - Congratulations for "still are getting purging badges." You're an inspiration for me. Also sounds like you've identified a cause for weight loss plateau and have a plan to get back on track. I'm rooting for you.

Kitt (SuchAtwin) - Kudos for driving away from the Sonic.

Ann (Newlifestyle) - I'm encouraged that you relate the need for certain food with the need to keep clutter; perhaps I can use that thought to try to leverage my gains in food control to a gain in clutter control.

Cammie (CammieCam) - Perhaps just a little vignette?

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Sending my best wishes for your pup. Kudos to you for keeping to your food plan during an emotionally difficult time.

Erika (eusebius) – Thanks for the clutter references; I'll look into those.

Lori (nighthawk) - Good luck in you struggles to get to the table before snacking. Do you have any insights about sampling at the store that might help me?

Readers - "Since you'll be eating less food, it's important for you to see all of it spread in front of you at meal or snack time so you can be more visually satisfied." Beck, pg 71. 
 
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Hello to all,

Bill I just read your posting and really understand that sense of conflicting goals. While the core foundation of Beck is excellent, there is a rigidity which is very difficult for me. The difficulty may rest with my attitude of needing to be perfect or if not perfect then I become mindless (numb to my errors). I have used so many of Beck's ideas and exercises to work through hurdles to losing weight. The biggie for me was coping with being hungry, really learning if I wait the 20 minutes after a small meal, I truly was not hungry. I cope with more tough emotions with out eating-learned lots of good stuff. What I don't know how to do- is to spontaneously enjoy food in moderation.

There is an aspect of eating which is social, experimentive, fun and spontaneous. Right now I am having difficulty following the check lists because of missing that "fun" of food. I am either trying to be a "perfect" rule follower and or a guilty food indulger with a sense of failure. Both positions are rather hard . I want to learn and trust that I can have some flexibilty with food and the Beck rules and here is the biggie- still be moderate.

Any ideas on how to make this stuff work better for me? I am working on a sabotaging idea? So Bill I don't have much help just my 2 cents on why I understand you sense of conflicting goals.

Big wave to everyone is this changing of our eating habits and relationship to food.

sue

I am also new the Becks Solution and so far I have to say that I really like it.
I do not do it as much as I should, but I have managed to complement myself for resisting cookies and other no-cost but not free goodies at work.
I was shocked at how much eating I did on my feet. I have not completely mastered sitting down to eat yet, but at least I realize when I don't do it. The other night I had jst gotten my daughter settled down to eat, but I was going to wait for my husband who was going to be late, so I grabbed a cheese stick and started to eat it before I realized what I was doing. My poor child must have thought that I was crazy, the way that I scrambled to the table! Good luck to everyone, the part that helps me the most so far is recognizing my own sabotaging thoughts, and counteracting them.

kattharris, to the Beck discussion group, support group, diet coach group

and in case you haven't been properly welcomed to 3FC already.

At the latitude of Texas, you will help to balance the group; as mentioned above, the geographic center of the current posters is a bit north at the moment.

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Hello there friends,
Welcome kattharris! This is a great support place for people following Beck! Counteracting sabotaging thoughts is one of the biggest ideas in this program that I have found helpful.

Coastalsue: I wonder what Beck woudl say about what you are talking about? Would she say that we are to never enjoy food spontaneously? She talks about adding a predetermined number of calories for eating out or for traveling.... what about general daily life? I really don't feel terribly deprived of food right now for some reason. I do plan one treat each day (for myself and my daughter). That stemmed from me growing up with "NO sugar allowed" type upbringing. My brothers and I would spoon granulated sugar into our mouths when our parents left the house or overate dessert at friends' houses, etc... I think that "dieting" can feel like that. I came into reading Beck from a place where I decided never to diet again..but then didn't have a better alternative. Now, I don't feel like I am "dieting" but really trying to choose the best food from the party to try and then eat really healthfully when on homebase. I dont' know how to overcome feeling the rigidity versus the spontanaeity of food but there must be a balance in there somewhere-we eat have to find our own probably.

I am going to get on that treadmill tonight when my daugther goes to bed! It will feel good to workout again!

Doggie is hanging in there-we dont' have answers yet about why his liver is not functioning. He is scheduled to get an ultrasound and liver biopsy on Tuesday. I am trying to find somewhere to take him before that-he is VERY punky and not eating, etc... We are loving him up and keeping him comfy and trying to stay positive and hopeful.

Til tomorrow, Heidi

Took a walk at lunch yesterday to buy a book - had a 25% off coupon from Boarders. FREE money off gives me the same sort of thrill as FREE food, but without the feeling of loss of control.

Beck hints at the slippery slope when she writes, "Even if you're only eating raw carrots while you're standing up today, you might be eating chocolate while you're standing up tomorrow."


Sue (CoastalSue) - As usual, you nail the dilemma, "There is an aspect of eating which is social, experimentive, fun and spontaneous." I accept and appreciate that I have to give up some MAJOR emotional uses of food like every day comfort and entertainment. Are we being honest with ourselves by trying to continue with occasional uses of food as you describe? I think yes, provided that I can find a way to be accountable to myself that it really is occasional, not just the entrance way to the slippery slope. I would think no if I saw myself as addicted to food and had to avoid the first bite, just like the first snort, or first shot, or first lottery ticket if one had those addictions. Can the Buddhists help lead us to clear thinking here?

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Continue to send best thoughts for your doggie. How is your daughter handling this? Is she attached to the dog?

kattharris - Kudos for resisting cookies and double kudos for giving yourself credit. Like your thought, "no-cost but not free goodies."

Readers - "Cognitive Therapy is a psychological treatment that will help you successfully lose excess weight and keep it off." Beck, pg 25. 

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Hi, fellow Beckies!

Is that the name that has "stuck"?

I have enjoyed catching up on posts and am so glad we are still gaining more Beckies.

Even though this week has been hectic, and even though I have been violating day 3......and let's not even talk about day 4.......lol.....no, I do want to address that, but another time.

I am trying to figure out if I am really violating the eating sitting down rule more than usual, or if I am just more aware of it since it is our focus this week. The good news is, even though I am doing it, I am keenly aware of it...and I have been able to catch myself at times and decide not to do it. Credit moi....now, I think I had better not credit myself for eating sitting down while sitting in the car...lol

I was thinking about Sue's question on helpful responses for the self-sabotaging about perfection. I am trying to remember who said so wisely, "Progress, not perfection", but it is a helpful response.

That perfection mentality is one of the biggest traps, one of the biggest mistake we make....

Let's brainstorm some helpful responses...OK, we didn't stick to our 1600 cal. plan. We have eaten some mouthfuls of "treats"....rather than thinking, "Oh, well, I will be perfect tomorrow".....

How about, "I ate more than I planned today, but not *that* much...certainly not enough to significantly gain. I can get right back on plan and over time, I can achieve my goal."...not a perfect response, but I do believe over time, these kinds of behaviors become more of a habit.

BillBE is pretty much living proof........not intended to put undue pressure on, friend, but it does seem that you are finding it easier, and more automatic; wouldn't you agree?

I share your passion, CoastalSue, for celebratory eating, eating with friends, etc. Planning ahead to control my eating when going to a party where there are tons and tons of great treats feels like "too much pain"...I think at this point if we could just do as Beck outlines, because "she said so"..that would be wise......just trust it for now.....it doesn't *have* to be forever.....and maybe it will get easier.

I do know that I have finally gotten under enough control to be getting hungry again, and it feels good! It really does...and food, even Kale, tastes really good. (well, if you put enough garlic on it....I can choke most anything down)

HI guys,

Thanks for the input Maryblu about perfection. I do put alot of internal pressure to meet everyone's expectations, project deadlines, social commitments-ect. I feel like I was raised to be very aware and tuned into and supportive to those around me-made for a good teacher and social worker, but isn't a great background for meeting my own needs. Food was one thing I could do and still stay turned in to others, continue working, even meet need of others by serving foods-starting making the family meal at about 12-13 yrs old. Maybe as I learn to accept not striving to be perfect, I'll meet my own needs better without so much food.

I actually had a good food day as I woke up thinking of my advantage list to lose weight and could think that some of the reason were actually more important today than the "fun" of food. Had no real answers just that it was good for me to post and even think about how much I loved food "fun" inspite of the natural consequences of too many calories.

Heidi-I have been working on adding some planned treats-I think I have done enough Beck and preplanning and recording not to have things become a trigger. In fact after this posting I have a small square of very rich chocolate. How is your Pup doing?

BillBlueEyes-maybe it is that buddhist concept of looking at your attitude and learning that it is just construction of you own mind and not an abstract reality. For me I have give food the power of "fun" and my struggle is learn how to have fun without food. I have done the check list of puzzles-ect not yet motivating enough.

Maybe just acknowledging the role of food as fun-helped me respect the work to change my eating habits. Anyway thanks for everyone for letting carry on about this behavior. I love the act of eating food, but sure tire of the consequences of eating too much. Got to make some more changes to insure weight loss.

Best wishs to you all

sue

Hi everyone, just a fly by post. I haven't been posting too much but I am enjoying all your posts and thinking of you all.
Tomorrow is the dreaded day 12 and I want to get the hunger experiment over with, LOL!! as long as I manage without too much caffeine making my stomach go crazy, I should be Ok.
Sue - I totally hear you on the food as fun thing. Well, I love delicious food. i think it IS fun. I find it sometimes tough to remember that i don't need to be getting all my kicks from food. Again it's a thought/mindset shift. this is why Beck is so illuminating for me!
have a great day all,
Erika

Missed my walking due to cold rain yesterday. In the past I've just bundled up and gone out. Yesterday I climbed into my favorite reading chair with a hot cup of tea and read one of my Christmas gift books. Oh Well.

[If someone decides to start on Day 4, Give Yourself Credit, I, for one, will be happy to stop thinking about my eating standing up.]


MaryBlu - This perfection thing is one BIG barrier to remaining responsible. Perhaps Beck's Just DO it can be invoked here. If I can recognize that I'm blocked because of a perfectionist Sabotaging Thought, then there's the opportunity for me to think of a Helpful Response. For me, the challenge is to recognize my irresponsible behavior, so that I can consider alternative behaviors rather than to just continue to wallow in it.

And thanks for the kind words. Some things are easier, but in some areas I can see that I'm just over the boarder from the irresponsible behaviors that put on all the weight. It does remain a Sabotaging Thought for me that it SHOULD be easy now. I take comfort in Beck's observation that thin people continue to think about what they eat.


Sue (CoastalSue) - Congratulations on your good food day. And thanks for your thoughts about mindset. I'll have to ponder that my attitude is not an abstract reality. Might help me to step back and see that it's my attitude that need adjusting.


Erika (eusebius) – Good luck on your hunger experiment - can't wait to hear how it worked for you. Perhaps you're onto the path I'm looking for with "i don't need to be getting all my kicks from food." Perhaps if I acknowledge that I had evolved into the mindset of constantly getting my kicks from food, then there's room now to accept that I can get some kicks from food without it being the entrance to the slippery slope.

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Sending best thoughts for your puppy.

Readers - "The way you think about food, eating, and dieting affects your behavior and how you feel emotionally." Beck, pg 25.

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BillBE, you always get up WAY ahead of me, but, lol....I was thinking this morning before I got out of bed, and for me, often,

If I stay up all night, it'll dawn on me..........

I have still been thinking about CoastalSue (and others as well) struggling so hard with the issues of food as fun, food as filling the emotional void, all of that, and I am glad, CoastalSue, you never give up trying to figure it all out.....we have all witnessed alot of tough work on your part; you have been doing alot of heaving lifting emotionally. I feel for you, because that is exhausting, and even though not physical, it takes its toll.

One of the biggest appeals for me with Beck is that it really does just sorta "automate" the process. "Do A, and X will happen. Plan ahead so you can do A; know that you got heavy because you do not regularly do A, so figure out how to overcome those sabotaging thoughts that derail you from doing A."

If we act "as if"..."just do it"....day after day after day.....we will lose weight........If we have to do it one day at a time, so be it...I guess that is always the conventional wisdom anyway, "one day at a time"...

If we think about anything else we decide/make a commitment to do.....we are always advised to start first thing in the morning and focus on our commitment (read our response cards, sort "recommit" every morning)..just for today.....I know that is why BillBE posts first thing every morning....yeah, lol....I figured it out.......lol......it dawned on me..

Erika, glad you are checking in...it is as we discussed before, sometimes we give, sometimes we take what we need because it is freely given.

Heidi, I haven't even been able to bring myself to think about you and your dear pup. We lost one of our two dear dawgs at Thanksgiving, and he was the coolest dawg ever. We still have his daddy, though..12 and 1/2 and still such a happy guy..trotting around, tail up and wagging. He loves the snow! I swear I see him smiling.

Kattharris, hello; I am looking forward to "hearing" your thoughts.

Have a good Beck day, all.

WOOHOO I did it, Day 12 hunger experiment Never got worse than about a 2 actually. Then I had cookies AND ice cream for dessert, coming in at my minimum points for the day no, I won't be doing that everyday!!
Bill - Curling up with a Christmas gift book sounds pretty darn good right about now. I bought myself the Beck book and "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. My yoga teacher quoted it this morning, so I should get busy. Problem is, my friend and flutist/collaborator Patricia lent me "Outlander" which is a good 600 or so pages, so it may take me a while to get to it ...

Maryblu, your words are wise. One day at a time, one thing at a time; with depression, sometimes one second, one movement at a time, all the better if it keeps you mindful of the present moment, which seems so Beck-ish anyway!!

Heidi, still thinking of you and your pup; prayers for you both.

Sue, kattharris and all, hope you are all having a great weekend.

cheers
Erika