Today I went to a local Octoberfest celebration. I was sitting on a park bench facing a large window and I saw my reflection. I look different. Exactly one year ago, I was sitting in the same place...and after seeing my reflection at that time, I was disgusted with myself.
Shouldn't I be happier that I look so much smaller?
When I got home, I decided to try on two sweaters that my friend's mom had given me last year (which were WAY too small a year ago). I tried them on...and they fit perfectly. Shouldn't I be happier about this too?
My mom has not said much about my weight loss. My sister had gastric bypass surgery, and my mother praises her weight loss. It is basically all that she talks about when I call her. Yet, I did this totally on my own, and my mother still makes remarks about my weight...that I wear "chubby sizes", and that I am just as large as this person or that person, that I have the same belly as my father, etc. She says these things in a playful manner, but it bothers me because I have tried SOOOO hard at this.
My mother is overweight, but not obese. However, deep down I do not think that she wants both my sister AND me to lose weight. I think that she wants at least one of her 3 daughters to weigh more than her...as strange as this sounds. It is hurtful, and I am just trying to understand her.
I would just like her to tell me that I look nice and that she has seen progress. My boyfriend does not seem to want me to lose weight (he is a bigger guy) so this doesn't help matters either. Luckily other people in my life are supportive...but I still feel like I am being compared to my sister at times.
I can not compete with someone who had gastric bypass. I see it as impossible. I want to do this on my own, but I feel like I need the support of those who I care about the most.
I do not mean to sit here and vent, but it just feels better to type it for some reason! I am sure that other people have experienced issues with mothers (or someone else) pretending either not to notice, or just simply not being supportive.