Hi everybody. I've read on this forum quite a bit but mostly posted on chicks in control - if anybody reads or posts over there, you might now I'm a former fat girl who binged then became anorexic and has struggled with food control issues her whole life. I'm posting this decision here cos I need to put this in writing to myself and be accountable.

I'm staying at 105lbs. (I'm 5"3, aged 20, small-framed). Recently I've been trying to maintain under that, cos I used to be, (well heck I used to be muuch less) but I've resigned myself for the last time that less is not maintanable. It makes me hungry. Then I overeat. Then I get hungry again. You know the drill. At 105lbs I can just eat normally all the time.

This decision is very hard for me. Sometimes I feel fat, though I know objectively I'm slim. I've tried to make this resolution before and failed, but this time I really need to stick with it. The reason? Next week I start my examinations for the first part of my degree in English. If I'm hungry I will not do well. I deserve to do well. I know these seem like obvious statements and sometimes I feel really stupid, but convincing my irrational little voice of these things is a huge battle for me. Numbers have troubled me so much over the years, and I guess part of it is that I'm British so think in stones and lbs - 105lbs is seven and a half stone exactly and my horrible little voice says...ooh...that's halfway to eight...you've been a LOT less than that you know...(we seem to ignore the fact I've also been a LOT more ).


So here is my promise to myself, for which I make myself accountable to this forum. No more trying to get lighter. Even if I manage it for a day, it won't last unless I starve. No more starving. No more stuffing. Just maintenance from here on in!

Btw, I want to express my admiration for the people on this forum. You're stars!

At only 20, your body is settling into your womanly shape. It is probably impossible to weigh what you weighed as a girl. Your adult body is geared to have extra fat (not a bad thing in this case!!) to potentially sustain an extra life. This is normal, natural and really kinda beautiful. It is good that you embracing your new, grown-up woman body!

At 105 lbs at 5'3", you are a tiny person. If you are still seeing yourself as "fat" and you are a recovering anorexic, perhaps talking to a trained professional would help you reconcile your inner eye with your reality. I have never been anorexic, but it's sometimes hard to see myself as I really am, in my head I am still 200 lbs.

thank you! yeah, i know, rationally, I must embrace becoming a woman. scary but good. btw i love your quotation so much.

omg i just checked out your album! amazing! you should be so proud x

I know from experience that depriving yourself to the point of starvation does not bode well for exams. Trust me. Been there, failed that. You need to keep your resolve and spirits up.

Maintanence is a difficult concept. When do we decide to stop losing and are comfortable with that? Sometimes weight loss can descend into a maddening limbo game--- constantly seeing how low you can go.

It seems like you are at a good weight for yourself right now (a bit on the low side objectively speaking, but we can't all be slaves to bmi charts), and you recognize that and want to say "Enough is enough" and be satisfied and content with that.

You can be. It will take work every day to make an effort to eat nutritiously and not to deprivation or excess, but it is most certainly doable.
I wish you loads of luck and I hope that you stop by here more often.

thanks, that was pretty much what i needed to hear! good day yesterday - normal food eating! i agree that bmi charts can't be the be all and end all cos all the women in my family are short and small-framed, and always low weights...until most of them got fat! You've done absolutely brilliantly to lose half your body weight. Great panda!