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My girl Pookie!

I know you have a hard year dealing with the loss of your mom. I did the same thing when I lost my Dad. Food was my best friend. I shot up 35 lbs. This was not a good thing considering I was already in the 300's.

But it's time. It's time for you and it's time for me. We both need to get back to doing what we know needs to be done. We both know exactly what it takes for us to be on track and improving our lives. We don't have questions and we don't need answers...what we need is action.

I have many square envelops this year. Jacob is in a wedding at the end of April and my MIL is having a Hawaiian themed wedding in October. Not to mention that I anticipate a small gathering for my upcoming 40th. More pictures of me to cringe at.

So on the heels of your public declaration to get back to business, please let me add mine.

We can do this!!!

Congratulations that you are doing something about it! It sounds like you are going to be back on track and not needing those long vests very soon!

I also dread invitations, not only to formal events but to informal ones. I find nothing worse than worrying about going to a bar or a restaurant or a club, will I get in, will I be mocked, will i look all sweaty all night, is it worth wearing scary underwear to smooth out the bumps despite how uncomfy it is, what am I going to wear, how am I going to get home, what should I order to try to look healthy but also like I don't care I'm fat, what if my friends are late and I'm there by myself, what if people think I've been stood up etc etc In fact, I don't know if you watch it but an episode of Ugly Betty called "Queens for a day" pretty much sums up my feelings towards going out. Even though I rationally know I am probably the only one that actually cares about these things (I've never been stopped from entering a restaurant / bar etc by someone else, it's always my own doing) I still let them bother me.

I'm hoping that as my weight loss progresses these things will worry me much less, as I know my confidence is linked to my weight so as it goes down my confidence should go up and all of my worries are to do with being insecure not because anything dreadful would happen if they all came true - even all at once!

As for what do I do after I've stalled on my weightloss, I really don't know and so I'm afraid I don't have anything to offer. Although I think I start dieting again because I get to a point where I just have to, I feel like I have no alternative, which sounds quite a lot like the situation you have found yourself in.

I've found the only way to get over food to comfort myself is to replace it with something else - this week I've exchanged the calories for a shopping trip on Saturday, but I find this really hard. I'd be really interested to hear from people who have more successful strategies.

Good luck with being back on plan. I hope this year is a better year for you.

Oh Pookie, do I hear you on those darn stinkin' invitations. I could have written that, about the chairs, darn I was ALWAYS worried about chairs, oh and people seeing me, and how was I gonna deal and what were they gonna think and they're gonna scrutinize me. What am I gonna wear. The HORROR. Oh the HORROR. Thank G-d those days are over for me. Actually I was sooo excited today when I got the mail and got one of those square envelopes addressed to my husband and myself. I was so disappointed, it was a thank you card from the stupid bank, we just opened up a new account there. I thought for sure it was an invitation. Now they actually excite me. And they will excite you again too. I have no doubt.

I really can't imagine what it's like to lose a parent. I don't ever want to find out. Let's not even go there. I am so very sorry for your loss. I would think it's just got to be one of the very hardest things in the world. I could see where one could pack on a few pounds. Oh yeah. Anyway, I'm glad you've seen those red flags. Red flags have their purpose in life.

As for your stall, how about going back to weightloss one oh one? Enter everything you eat in either Fitday.com or a journal. You know, you bite it, you write it. Get rid of all the junk in your home. Stock it with only healthy stuff. Drink lots of water. Plan, plan and then plan some more. Add 30 mins of exercise a day. You know the deal.

The important thing you must figure out is, just how badly do you want this? Are you ready to make some sacrifices for the betterment of your life? Because that's really what it's all about. After many, many years I finally decided that I was willing to give up the high quantity, poor quality of food. It is the best decision I have ever made. And it's just that - a decision. You must decide once and for all if this is the path you want to take. Not always easy, but definitely, definitely worth it. One has to reprogram the brain. Food is not for consolement, anger management, entertainment when we're bored, celebration when we're happy.

I know for me I was FULL of worries when I was so heavy. I was miserable. So many ordinary things were a nightmare. All of these things were greatly diminished for me through my weightloss, though I am no where near goal. I don't miss the food even a little bit. I feel as if I have been reborn. Everyday brings me so much joy. And thankfully, SOOOO much less worries. So, yeah, I think it's worth it.

It sounds to me that having made your public declaration you are back in the game. You CAN do this, you know you can. And we are here for you 24/7. Whatever you need. Please post often, this is a jumping place and so very beneficial.

Pookie I can go on and on and on about the seats. Backyard parties, those flimsy plastic lawn chairs, beach chairs. Booths, for sure. Going to get my haircut and worrying how they were gonna hoist me up. Hanging over the seat. Airplanes, haven't been on one for 13 years because of my weight. Public transportation and taking up 1 1/2 seats, which in actuality is 2, because no one can fit in 1/2 a seat. Then of course there's movie theaters and on and on and on. Hated them, dreaded them, FEARED them. It just finally got to be too much.

Pookie, if you think WW would be helpful for you, please, please go. You have NOTHING to be embarassed about. We all have been there. As has everyone that is there. That's what it's there for. It's all about taking charge of your life, taking ACTION. WW sounds like a great idea.

It never ceases to amaze me how my most secret thoughts and fears are ones that you have all felt with me! It's a very, very, VERY reassuring thought. No matter how alone I have felt in my fat it was a false sense of aloneness....because there were always people around who knew what I was feeling. It's very therapeutic to be able to put things down like this.

Hairdressers - I just hated seeing my face when my hair was all wet and pulled back....I like hiding under hair.
Airplanes - seatbelts feeling so tight....having to pull them all the way out and seeing about 10 inches of leftover belt hanging of your seatmate. Also, not being able to bring down the tray so just pretending you aren't hungry and thirsty.
Invitations - Oh my, YES! What do I wear? Will I be the fattest one there? The only outfit I can find looks like it's off an episode of "The Golden Girls" (you know....the long skirts and lonnnngggg shirt or jacket in some kind of lame fabric).
Outdoor/pool parties - Being the only one NOT in a suit...and being in pants or capris, to boot since you don't wear shorts. Stuffing down into a lawn chair. Having the sides digging into your legs.

I'm sure we could all go on and on.....I'm so glad it's ending!!!!

Hi all, get this for embarrassing. I was sitting at an airshow in a perfectly good lawnchair on the tarmac, I broke my lawn chair and ending up sitting on the tarmac. I did not move because everyone heard the lawnchair break and I sat on the tarmac for about 5 minutes until everyone stopped looking and then tried to get up. I am hoping that never happens to me ever again. I don't think it will. I think I am on my way with a successful new lifestyle. slow and steady I will win this race.

Thank you Pookie, last night I was not feeling motivated at all. After reading this site and realizing my fears are normal helped to motivate me. Once I read these posts and decided to share my experience I decided that I am doing this for me and I need to continue my journery, no matter how good that chocolate bar that is calling out to me looks.
I am thankful for this site and the honesty. Good luck with your journey everyone.

Nice to "meet" you Pookie! I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom. Such a tough time. I completely understand with the problem of when we need support the most it is the hardest to reach out for it. I am not sure why that is but know that we are all here for you good times and bad! I'm looking forward to the journey with you.

Kathy

Pookie, I think Queens for a Day is the third episode of the first season, I have only just started watching it on iTunes (as I only get Dutch and French TV in Belgium). It is the season with American Ferrera - so I'm sure it is the same one that is on in the States. It is the episode where they are having a launch party and she can't get in despite being the hosts assistant - I've always feared something like that happening!

I'm glad you enjoyed your visit to Brussels, it really is a beautiful city and I am lucky that I live in the middle of it (my work has an apartment here that I am staying in). The square you mentioned is called the Grand Place (in French) or the Grootmarkt (in Dutch) and I absolutely love visiting there. Now the weather is starting to get better you can sit outside of the cafes and have a drink watching the world go by.

By the way, I just got back from my shopping trip (the one to replace comfort eating) and although I didn't manage to get any clothes I did buy some nice earrings which are well worth not having eaten all the food I wanted.

I am SO feeling the pain of this right now, but worse...I'm IN the darn wedding! My sister is getting married in 6 months and I have to go tomorrow to get fitted for the dress and I'm DREADING it. Simply dreading it! All I can think about it how much weight I can lose between now and then. Why aren't I this motivated to lose weight all the time, I wonder? Must be because doing it for *me* is not as important as doing it for a wedding. That's sad! Ok, time to change my train of thought....

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Pookie,

I totally understand the little envelope thing. Fotunately I don't get many of those, but I understand the not wanting people to see you of fear of what they are thinking.

At Christmas I saw a woman I used to work with and her husband in church. I haven't seen them much since I moved away and not since the wieght gain. I could only imagine what was being said about me back in the small town where I used to work... "Oh. I saw Nicole. She is fat again." They all know I was sick and htey all know about the steroids, but that doesn't mean they won't gossip.

Pookie we can both do this and we will both do this. I am here whenever you need.

Pookie, I've had that same fear of the little square envelopes. I used to absolutely hate getting invitations. I hated going anywhere, because it was clearly obvious that I was bigger and bigger each time. Now, it doesn't bother me. I've regained my confidence and am happy now to get an invitation.

I'm so sorry about your mother. In my DH's family, we have a lot of really older family members. We have been to at least 8 funerals in the last 5 yrs. I hate to admit this, but it even bothered me for family to see how much bigger I was at each funeral. My family all knew also that I've been sick and on steroids for 4 yrs. , but the look of pity just really Hurt.

As for food for comfort, I did the same thing. When my mom died, I had just lost 90 lbs. I gained it all back. The wt. just didn't seem SO important to me at the time. During her last yr. of life, she was very sick and was living with me. I was on a definite health kick,dieting and exercising constantly. I wanted to avoid health issues like the liver failure she was dealing with. As most on here know, I now have liver disease myself. This has spurred me to try to be as healthy as I can possibly be right now. Hence, the wt. loss.

I'm really proud that you are again taking notice of your Own health. This is what it takes. Making a new commitment to focus on yourself. Hugs, I know you can do this.

Nicker, I know exactly what you mean about the steroids. I'm still on them and it does make this even more of a challenge. Hugs.

Newlifestyle, that must have been a difficult moment. Thanks for sharing it with us, so many of us can empathize

I used to worry about breaking seats all the time. Oh gosh. Sometimes I still consider it but I think I'm getting to the point where I can relax a bit more. This lifestyle is so very worth it.