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Mother said I look 'too skinny'.... huh?

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Old 06-11-2013, 11:32 AM   #1
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Default Mother said I look 'too skinny'.... huh?

This is mostly just a rant. I just don't understand people, especially my mother.

I am 31 weeks with my second pregnancy. With my first daughter I was about 20-30 lbs heavier than I am now. I didn't really keep track of my weight but know that at around 38 weeks I weighed about 195. I'm at about 165 right now.

When I first told my mother I was pregnant again her first concerns were about me putting on weight, especially because I am due the same day as my sister's wedding, in which I am the maid of honor. I've learned to brush off a lot of my mother's comments and didn't really focus on it.

I've been pretty pleased with myself during this pregnancy. I started off at 165 pre-pregnancy, dropped to about 155 during my first trimester and I'm back up to 165. I'm hoping to end at around 170-175 so I'll be right where I started after I have my daughter. But more importantly in my first pregnancy I developed Gestational Diabetes, and with my lifestyle and diet changes I avoided it this time!

Last week my sister and I went shopping with another of her bride's maids for dresses. My sister snapped a picture of me in one to send to my mother to ask what she thought of them. Her response back was that I look to skinny and have lost too much weight...... I was flabbergasted.

My mother is very close with an aunt of mine that I'm not overly fond of. When I was working on losing weight she was overly interested (in my opinion), when I got pregnant the second time she also made a comment about how I was going to gain back all that weight I lost, and when she was visiting during my first trimester when I had dropped down to 155 from nausea and being sick she made a few comments about how sickly I looked and asked if I was trying to lose weight while pregnant. I'm wondering if this is where my mother's comment stemmed from, and she thinks that because I haven't put on weight that I must be being unhealthy.

I'm just angry that it doesn't seem to matter what I did I would have heard criticism. I know if I had put on a few pounds while pregnant I would have heard all about how I let myself go. And since I've not gained much I'm 'too skinny' and must be starving myself. Argh...

Anyways, sorry for the long story. I'm going to attach two pics, one from my 1st pregnancy and the one from the other day. Please ignore the expression on my face, as a stay at home mom with a toddler and a 7 month baby belly I don't get out of the house much hahaha. Also ignore my clothing in the first picture, we were in the middle of house renovations.

I feel like I look better than the first time around, and my husband tells me to just ignore my mother's comment. What do you guys think? Anyone else find that while you're pregnant everyone has an opinion for you?
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:46 AM   #2
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Sometimes our moms just have trouble not getting over-invested in us. My mom would sometimes contradict herself in a similar way with me during my years of what I later realized was yo-yo dieting. I never had children but just my weight's ups and downs drew commentary.

If I was putting on weight I heard about that - and it was genuine concern a lot of it because my mom was diabetic and didn't want me to become diabetic.

Then in my skinny phases all of a sudden she'd start in with fears that I would become anorexic! I'd be like, "Mom, make up your mind!"

The best thing to do is take it with a grain of salt if you can, like your husband says do your best to ignore it. If your mom is the type who isn't satisfied without some kind of verbal acknowledgement, give her a vague, non-commital one, or a bland "Thank you for your concern, I'm aware of it" and try to change the subject.
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:48 AM   #3
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You look much better in the second picture. Surely these two ladies know that you will and must gain weight during pregnancy, Sheesh ! There is a baby just growing and gaining as we speak. I would respond to anyone making remarks about my weight would be , I am following my doctor's advice.
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:50 AM   #4
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Hugs
You look fabulous!!!!
Congrats
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Old 06-11-2013, 12:04 PM   #5
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/sigh. My mother is the same way. I agree with your husband, ignore it (easier said than done!) You look so good and healthier this time around!
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Old 06-11-2013, 01:00 PM   #6
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You look great in both pictures, but more relaxed and comfortable in the second. If your doctor is not concerned, blow your mom's comments off.

My mom does this too. She spent my childhood telling me how fat I was (I wasn't) and then in later years, looking at pictures she would tell me how I needed to look like that again (in high school and for a few years after I was on some pretty serious drugs), and now, she makes comments about how she "thought I was fat when I was young, but looking back I really wasn't". She also likes to send me recipes of not diet friendly food she has made, or will be making. Mom's suck sometimes LOL
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Old 06-11-2013, 01:35 PM   #7
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You look great, happy, and not "too skinny." Congratulations on your weight loss, and heaps more congratulations on your healthy pregnancy!!
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Old 06-11-2013, 06:11 PM   #8
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You look grea; very healthy. Just ignore the remarks.
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Old 06-11-2013, 08:59 PM   #9
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That dress is so cute on you! Don't listen to Mom -- she don't know everything. Be healthy, and enjoy this time in your life!
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Old 06-11-2013, 10:22 PM   #10
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Well I think you look flippin' fantastic!

For some reason people think that when you're pregnant you are no longer entitled to basic human courtesy - or privacy for that matter. It's like people see a baby belly and their brains turn to mush!

You look healthy and happy. I'm sure if there was anything to worry about weight-wise (or anything else for that matter) your doctor would have brought it up with you by now.
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Old 06-12-2013, 12:04 AM   #11
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You look FABULOUS! Some people are just going to be critical no matter what you do. Sadly for you it's your mom. Depending upon your personality you can choose to just let it go like your husband suggested, or you can set some adult boundaries with your mom and call her on it when she does this. I'm guessing she doesn't even realize she does it.

My mother is one of the most manipulative women on the planet, and I swear to god she doesn't even realize she's doing it - she's that good. In my mid-20s I nearly had a nervous breakdown dealing with her unrealistic expectations. I ended up in therapy and set very clear boundaries. We have a good relationship now (it helps that we live 1000 miles apart).

Unfortunately my sister is in her mid-30s and is just now setting boundaries for herself. It isn't pretty....
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Old 06-12-2013, 12:19 AM   #12
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I think you look adorable. I know it sounds cliche but just try and ignore the stupid comments your mom is making. I know I should talk cuz Im the same way. Its your body, its your life. I dont know you and I am a newbie here but I think you look great. Its expected that you are going to put on weight/lose weight while pregnant. Its a given that you might have gestational diabetes and all these other things. I used to work for an OB/GYN so I learned quite a bit working in the field. Its all about you. Take care of you for you, not for anyone else.
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Old 06-12-2013, 09:58 AM   #13
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Thanks everyone, it helps to hear it from others that I'm not looking 'too skinny'. Ha! There's something I never thought I'd worry about.

I usually do ignore my mother, she's another one of the overly controlling ones. But every now and then I fall into the trap of thinking that I've gained her approval (which really I shouldn't care about, but.. you know I do).

I had a conversation with her this morning and she started listing a whole slew of concerns and told me that I was risking having a sick baby.

I realized that most of her issues are coming from the fact that I decided to go with midwifery care instead of the traditional doctor. She was uncomfortable with this during my first pregnancy and another aunt of mine who happens to be a doctor in the states took the time to write me an email expressing her own concerns about my choice of health care.

Oh family! I guess it's time to put my filter on and stop listening to the naysayers. Thanks everyone for your positive thoughts, it helps counteract all the negativity.
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Old 06-12-2013, 10:11 AM   #14
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You definitely don't look "too skinny"; you look really healthy, happy, and relaxed. And being able to have a pregnancy without having to worry about gestational diabetes is awesome--congratulations!

Re: midwife vs doctor, you have to do what is right for you. A friend of mine chose to have a home birth with a midwife (and no anesthesia), instead of having her child in the hospital with a doctor. Her daughter is now 2, adorable, and perfectly healthy (as is my friend). While she said it was a PAINFUL experience, she's glad she made the choice.
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Old 07-07-2013, 12:53 PM   #15
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You look healthy and happy. I only hope that I look as good as you when I am that far along!
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