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Feeling so guilty about not having the energy to play with my other kids

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Old 05-22-2013, 09:05 PM   #1
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Unhappy Feeling so guilty about not having the energy to play with my other kids

As I approciate my 30th week of pregnancy, I am decending into the hardest part of my pregnancy, and for me I bascially become a miserable fat couch ornament...

I get extreme joint, back, leg and abdominal pain as I get closer to the end. It hurts to walk, hurts to bend over, hurts to move. I had this with each pregnancy. I just don't want to do anything. Especially as its getting hot out, I don't want to be outside. Up until last week I was still pushing myself, pulled up the old dirt from the flower garden, added fresh soil and planted some new plants....big mistake...I had contractions for a few hours after that...and my back pain was so bad I could barely sleep that night.

Anyway, my point is I've reacted a useless stage. Just a few trips up and down the stairs putting away clothes and the contractions start and I feel wiped. Even now I'm sitting on the couch, and having contractions I'm pretty sure these ones started because about a half hour ago I carried my sleeping 3 year old up to bed...he's only like 28 lbs, a peanut. And he loves to be carried, but now the shortest trip gives me contractions for sometimes hours after.

So the reason I'm venting is because my poor kids are dealing with a lazy mom. I feel so guilty. My older one is in school but he's done in a few weeks. My little one and I just stay home. I don't do anything with them. No park, no library. My older son and I used to run races last year (1 miles fun runs) and now I'm not even taking the kids out for a walk. He was crying the other day (he's 5 almost 6 ) how I don't run with him anymore. He knows why but said he;s still sad. He also said I don't do anything but sit on the couch, which is basically true. Anytime I start becoming active I get contractions. Not to mention my motivation is gone, and I just want to rest all day. I try to tell him why but he's still reminds me of this frequently.

I know there are some woman the stay super active up until delivery, but that's not me. I looked into some activities for my kids over the summer that I could take them but not have to "participate" this way they are not sitting in the house all summer but I can just sit. But I like playing with them. I like running around outside with them, getting on the floor and generally having energy to play. I feel so guilty.

I just need to vent this because I feel like the worse mom ever. I know its temporary but I feel horrible just the same. My own mother was a lazy mom, never did anything with us. I swore I would be the mom I wish I had. Take the kids to the park, library, around town fun places, play with them. out to lunch, enroll them in fun activities, go for walks, bike rides, the mall, etc...just not sit home watching soap operas all day. My mom was over weight and cranky most of my childhood. That was a big motivator for getting healthy last year because I had more energy to spend time with them. And now I'm *that * mom, that does nothing with her kids, that gets frustrated if she has to go up stairs for some reason (because its so physically uncomfortable) I am definitely not as pleasant either.

I just feel awful.
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Old 05-23-2013, 03:37 PM   #2
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Just hugs. (((Hug)))

I was on bedrest with both of my pregnancies, and as much as other people can be supportive, it falls into the "you really can't understand..." Category. I just felt so freaking useless.

You know this will end and you know your family is doing okay. They won't be emotionally scarred because Mommy had a rough couple of months and couldn't play as much. Our guilt is the hardest part, so really try to cut yourself some slack!

Hang in there.....try stationary activities with them as much as possible. And you can create scavenger-hunt type activities, where the kids run around and you sit.
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Old 05-23-2013, 03:49 PM   #3
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I'm so sorry, that would be hard! You aren't lazy though. You are making a person after all! That's tough work! Sometimes a little bit of boredom can foster creativity in children.(or extreme mess-making, lol) I wish you rest and cooperative kiddos for the duration.
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Old 05-24-2013, 04:57 PM   #4
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Hang in there! You aren't lazy, your energy is all going to building up their new little brother or sister. I've only been pregnant once, but I was pretty much useless throughout the entire pregnancy between the first trimester exhaustion, sciatica, and being generally enormous (I had twins). I also felt guilty about making DH do everything for me and felt guilty about doing nothing when other pregnant women were more active.

Maybe you can make it into a game with your other kids? Like when they are upset about how you're not doing something with them, get them to figure out how many more days it will be until the baby is born, or talk about things they will do with their new sibling once s/he arrives? That way maybe you can do something like, "I can't run with you right now, but let's figure out when we can do it again."
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Old 05-25-2013, 04:33 PM   #5
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Thank you everyone! Yesterday my DH was off from work so we both palyed legos with the kids. We actually had a great time. It wasn't active but it was playing and all I have to do was sit to spead time with them. The other day I also sat with them and watched a movie. Ok still not active, but at this point I just want to keep spending quality time with them. I am going to try to plan some things with can do where I can just sit. Coloring, legos etc..

Actually yesterday afternoon, we dropped my old son off at karate nad it was raining so I did a very tiny sprint (jog...trot...lol) to the door with him and got bad cervical pain I am going to let my doc know since I don't remember being this out of commision this early with my other two. Anyway, just another note to myself to take it easy.

I can't wait to be myself again. At least for now the kids seemed happy with sitting with me and doing sedentary things. Of course they will still need to get out and run around this summer, but while I watch.
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2007- 230 lbs to 160 lbs after baby #1 Boy
2010- 220 lbs to 145 lbs after baby #2 Boy
2013 - 215 lbs to 157 lbs after baby #3 Boy
Baby #4 - It's a Girl!

~ 5K at 26 weeks~Ran until 31 weeks~ (Stopped due to doctor's orders)
~Now cycling, walking and strength training for a healthy pregnancy and hopefully faster delivery~

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Old 05-27-2013, 02:28 PM   #6
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If your budget allows it, take them to Walmart and buy some table games that you can play together. Play dough is also very, very entertaining for kids.

You don't have to run around to have fun with them. You can go to the dollar store and get them activity books, or coloring paper and make crafts. I think they just miss you spending time with them rather than being active.

If you have a wii, it's a great way for the older one to pretend to "run" with you. You can stay on the couch and he can run in his place all he wants. You can "play" tennis with him and other sports on wii.
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:28 PM   #7
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Play doh is a good idea! I actually forgot about it. We had some, then last year my older son made "playdoh" in school, so we threw it in the bucket....and it molded! Apparently the home made stiuff does not last ewwww. anyway we threw out all the playdoh stuff and toys because they were all covered in pieces of moldy homemade playdoh. I've been meaning to replace it. THis is a good reason to do that. We are acually supposed to head over to walmart later after DH gets in. Going to see what I can find!
Thanks!!
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2007- 230 lbs to 160 lbs after baby #1 Boy
2010- 220 lbs to 145 lbs after baby #2 Boy
2013 - 215 lbs to 157 lbs after baby #3 Boy
Baby #4 - It's a Girl!

~ 5K at 26 weeks~Ran until 31 weeks~ (Stopped due to doctor's orders)
~Now cycling, walking and strength training for a healthy pregnancy and hopefully faster delivery~
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:35 PM   #8
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This is coming from an older mom. Do not fret. You will have a life time to play with them, be there for them! -- Mine are nearly adults, and they still want their mommy (at times ). -- Enjoy your pregnancy, the others will be fine. More than fine!

ETA: I did not "enjoy" my pregnancies, what I meant, be a couch ornament, you deserve it. You will love and care for all of your kids till the day you die. 10 weeks with less attention to others, mean nothing, when you are baking a baby You will all be a okay!
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Old 05-27-2013, 04:49 PM   #9
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My kids are in the 30s now. If I had them small once again I'd spend far less time running them around to places and just enjoy the time to chill at home. Life becomes so busy as they grow up, take this enforced inactive time just to be with them. As others mentioned there are many quiet activities they enjoy or just sit with them for some good kids TV shows. It will not turn them into coach potatoes for the remaining weeks. I was so sick through both my pregnancies that I was thrilled to feel normal after. If it works like that for you you will be more active with them and the baby soon. It seems like those last weeks of pregnancy move at super slow speed and you think it will never pass. But it will and you will be back to your pre-preggie self soon.
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Old 06-02-2013, 06:18 AM   #10
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I'm 35 weeks preggers and in the same boat. Although I've been a couch ornament since I was 25 weeks. Lol

I understand how you feel, but there are ways to stay involved without overly stressing your body right now. Some things I do:

Set up colored soccer cones around my yard, then sit in a chair and yell out a color and have the kids race to it.

Same with balls. I throw out assorted plastic balls and have the kids race around and pick them up.

Sidewalk chalk. We use it on the concrete patio so I can just sit on the ground.

Bubbles. My kids love them. We just blow them in the wind.

Sprinkler. Now that it's hot, I just set it up in the yard and watch them in a chair. If I want to get involved, I'll lead them in Simon Says with it. ("Simon says jump over the sprinkler. Simon says run around the sprinkler once backwards." Etc)

Indoor activities include any type of art or craft project. Your kids are around the ages of mine, I think. Check out Ed Emberley's learn to draw books. They are great for kids of this age and, with some colored pencils and paper, entertain my elder kid for an hour. And it's something we can do together.

Another indoor activity is freeze dance. Play music, have the kids dance, and then they have to freeze like statues whenever you pause the music.
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