I'm guessing it's a difference in health care systems but here, doctors would not give an elective C-section due to baby size in general and obesity.
I had shoulder dystocia with my first (which I am guessing is what your doctors feared) and a vaginal delivery and will still be having a vaginal with #2 (I am 4 months now).
I can't share VBAC specific story but I can offer some tips on dealing with a larger baby and vaginal delivery:
- No epidural (you should not be numb if you need to do positions to deal with a stuck baby)
- Free movement throughout labour, do not lay on a bed (I'm not sure if a birthing centre/home birth is option for you, it is here in Canada)
- As you already know, reduced weigh gain in pregnancy.
- Prenatal exercise routine, specifically with the lower half of your body
For dystocia risk (I am at 40% risk even though I am 130lbs), having a physically active labour with no epidural is really the important factor - the reason 'big baby' lawsuits are so bad in the US, aside from a system that allows suing doctors personally, is that most women have epidurals and are strapped to fetal monitors on beds which prevents them from being able to deal with it safely if it happens. You'll find dystocia injury rates lower in places where active unmedicated birth is promoted.