[EDIT] Lost the baby. Please see my second post in this thread.
I've been overweight all of my adult life, but am currently about the same weight as I was in high school. That means I'm down about 100 pounds from my highest weight, which is relatively good, and I've maintained that loss for several years now so I'm pretty proud of that. Staying anywhere under 250 seems to be a struggle for me though. I managed to get near 240 this past spring, but a lot of stressful things happened and I unfortunately put eating right and exercising on the back-burner. Throughout the rest of the year I managed to put back on about 20 pounds. Frustrated, I attempted to put a stop to it by giving myself a good talking to and getting down to business. I took one step at a time, starting with making healthier choices before concerning myself with portion sizes, and I started walking in hopes of making my size 22 jeans fit me properly again.
Then my energy completely drained away. I was short of breath, was barely able to make myself go from to room to room, and it took everything I had to get my butt out of bed every morning to get the kids off to school (not mine, was just a live-in babysitter for a few weeks). When everything started to smell really weird or super gross, I attributed it to the cold I seemed to be catching. Then my boobs . . . oh, my poor boobs started killing me!
My whole body felt off-kilter, I had to pee all the time . . . er, well, I'm guessing I'm boring you all with these familiar symptoms.
Anyway, when I started throwing up the one morning I realized that my period was late. The next time I went shopping, I picked up a test.
It was positive!
Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited to be pregnant for the first time (if a little scared, lol). I've wanted a baby for years, but actively used protection until about 6 months ago (I've been married over a year now). I've also realized that my biological clock is ticking (I'll be turning 36 soon) so I think the timing is pretty good.
But . . .
I feel kinda shallow about this, but I'm pretty annoyed I gained back 20 pounds in the past few months and didn't get it back off before getting pregnant.
Because now, of course, I have to do what's best for the baby, and I can't even think about cutting calories. I'll still do my best to eat a healthy variety, but it'll be over a year before I can even think about working on my figure again. As it is, I'm still obese and frustrated, and feel absolutely horrible that it's even an issue. My old size 24 jeans from last year are no longer comfortable (I'm only 7 weeks along so it's not as if I'm showing yet) and I'm sort of at a loss on finding plus sized maternity clothes outside of online shopping. For now I bought some of those elastic-top "fake" jeans from Walmart to get me by.
And I shouldn't even be thinking about my figure now, I realize I should be thinking about overall health . . . which once again, ticks me off since I gained back that 20 pounds. But all I can do is move forward from here. I'm still so excited to be pregnant and look forward to the new joys that life is offering me . . . I just wish my weight didn't have to be an issue. I'm not going to mind having a pregnant belly at all, but I don't know how to explain it . . . I guess I just didn't want to start this journey already in plus sizes?
Maybe I needed to vent a little?