Having a hard time w/this decision (warning: long post)

[sacha]

I also find it bizarre that a large baby would 'stretch out the uterus', I have never heard of this. Yes, a large baby with additional risk factors can be dangeorus at delivery (shoulder dystocia, which my 9lb 3oz boy had) but that can be resolved through precautions in future vaginal deliveries or C-section.

That being said, if your husband doesn't want anymore children, that sort of solves it right there. I don't want anymore children and my husband does, it is a very difficult subject for us right now, I feel he should respect my wish that I do not want more but he doesn't.

[4myloves]

@ butterflymama: nope, you're not understanding it wrong, and nothing is missing! When I was laying on the OP table, getting my c-section, the delivering Doc exclaimed "OH! Well, that's not good!"

I would never willingly use him, nor refer anyone else to him.

I think MY Doc was just downplaying the actions of the other Doc, rather than actually giving me an "informed" evaluation.

[Beck]

I'm also surprised by the doctor saying your uterus was too stretched due to a 9+ lb baby. I had twins whose combined weight was 10lb 10oz, and there plenty of mamas that have much more weight than that with twins and higher order multiples. I'd opt for another opinion if you are considering more children.

As far as a tubal- if you have any hesitation, wait. Remember there are also risks with that procedure. My sister had a tubal and was nicked on one of her organs (I can't remember if it was kidney, liver, or something else), and had issues because of it. There are risks with every procedure, even simple and common ones.

I don't understand men who refuse a vasectomy but are all gung-ho for the woman to go through a tubal which is more complicated and less easily reversed. We put up with the pregnancy and labor, the least they can do is get themselves a vasectomy!

[DezziePS]

I agree. Though I'm sure there's more to it than just the limited part you've posted, OP, I would be pretty irritated with DH telling me he refused to consider a VS, but that I should get a tubal. Maybe part of it is that he is uninformed about the procedures? VS is so much less invasive! And why is he concerned with you getting an IUD? It sounds like perhaps another misunderstanding about how effective and safe they are- moreso than tubals, I would argue, and they're reversible.

I don't know. It makes me really sad for you that your husband is so much in control of this decision. I would hate for you to get a surgery because someone else was uninformed about the alternatives.

[kirsteng]

I couldn't agree more about the large-babies factor and it endangering you... absolute hogwash! Go see a midwife and see what they have to say.. I guarantee they'll be completely nonplussed by the size of your baby and ready to take you on as a client.

Age - I'd say also not a factor. Don't close any doors based on age... and don't wait the 3 years based on the hogwash above. (but see hubby comments to follow). I had my 3 babies at ages: 35, 36 and almost 41. 3 healthy straightforward pregnancies, 3 unmedicated births (the last a home birth with a midwife), and 3 beautiful healthy children.

Stage - May be a factor for you. My first 2 were 18 months apart, and our first boy was/is a challenging child. Made a huge difference in our decision to delay/consider a third. I'd always wanted 3, DH had always wanted 2. Then throw two little ones into the mix, one of whom was (bless his heart) a holy terror.. and it seemed for a long time (3 years) that we would stop at 2. But then things got just a little bit easier (ds1 was 5 and dd2 was 3 1/2) so we suddenly decided to give it a try despite my age. I was lucky enough to get pregnant month 1 after I had just turned 40. I have a gorgeous little 2 1/2 year old boy to show for it now.. and DH and I always shake our heads and marvel how close we came to not having this little blessing in our lives. So don't rule it out, even with DH saying no, just yet... things can change fast. Little ones (toddlers and babies) are SUPER time consuming and demanding, but things do ease up quite a bit when they start to hit school age.

Surgery - not sure what to tell you on that one... we used condoms and I charted my cycle so I knew when I was fertile. During that 10 day period each month we used condoms. I haven't taken bc pills for more than 10 years. DH did get a vasectomy a year ago though, as we knew we were stopping at 3. It wasn't terrible, but there was a bit of lingering pain for a few months for him (not everyone has this by any means). Now he's so glad he's done it... I hope your DH reconsiders.

Like everyone says though, you still have time to think about whether you're both truly ready to say you're finished with having kids. I wouldn't do anything permanent while things might still change.

GL with your decision and I wish you the best!

[Allthatglitters1014]

I am also on the I went through 3 C sections(probably 1 more in the future) so you
have the VS camp. I'd be pretty damn pissed if DH simply refused. I guess my line would be "I am not having my tubes tied so if you refuse a VS then be prepared to use condoms or have a baby"

If DH doesn't even want the kids he has do you really think its a good idea to have more?