Wow . . . I got pregnant for the first time in the fall of 2011 and also miscarried in January of 2012 so I feel for you.
In my case, I'd been doing well with dieting throughout most of 2011 but went through a ton of stress that fall and completely jumped head-first (not fell, but jumped
) off the wagon, rapidly regaining about 25 pounds before realizing that hey, I was pregnant! I was excited, yet so scared. I'd really let myself go and didn't know if I had the energy to go through all that; I already couldn't bend to pick anything up off the floor, how was I going to handle pregnancy and motherhood?
And after I lost the pregnancy I felt enormously guilty over my feelings and the position I'd gotten myself in, so I did a lot of soul-searching. I decided that I couldn't allow my health to spiral out of control any further, especially if I wanted to have a baby someday. I set myself up to start a strict, healthy routine within a few months (I took baby steps while giving myself time to mourn) and we planned on seeing a specialist if I wasn't able to conceive in about a year (I'm 37 so my biological clock is ticking).
Throughout the rest of 2012 and part of 2013, I managed to lose over 50 pounds and got to my lowest weight ever. I was pretty happy with that! And amazingly enough, exactly one year after I started my "reboot," I conceived!
My pre-pregnancy weight was 215, although I'd lost another 5 pounds before realizing that both my diet and my exercise routine would have to change. I was a little
freaked out because I'd secretly been hoping I could have made it under 200 pounds first, but it is what it is.
I was especially nervous about any potential weight gain and spoke to my OB and nurses about it, and they ok'd my supplements and gave me an idea of how much I should gain. I wasn't really counting calories while losing, but started to while pregnant in order to make sure I was getting enough for the baby, yet not so much that I'd gain a horrid amount. I mostly stuck with similar choices as before, just in larger amounts. My glucose tests were slightly high (I'd managed to put my type 2 diabetes into remission ages ago) so I was told to watch my sugar (which I'd already been doing anyway); luckily I never had any issues with gestational diabetes. I did admittedly splurge a bit during the third semester on burgers and cookies.
I wasn't allowed any high-impact exercise since I was considered high risk, so my biggest disappointment was having to stop my C25K training and giving up on running the 5K I'd planned on that May. I was able to continue walking, swimming, and certain machines at the gym though.
Anyway, I know how scary the potential gain can be, but you've got this!
Things can get crazy and unpredictable, but enjoy this time of being pregnant! I was so nervous myself about the second pregnancy (losing the first was utterly heartbreaking) until I finally got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. It was such an emotional moment that it brought tears to my eyes.
And in that moment I became confident that everything was going to be ok this time. I admittedly cringed as I watched the scale go up over the months, but everything was in a great range according to my doctor. There's more than baby of course, there's also amniotic fluid, extra blood, placenta, et cetera.
My last weigh-in while pregnant was 238.5, and I was blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby boy last month.
I'm currently close to 5 weeks postpartum and only have five more pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. So it's like . . . I simply had to pause
my weight loss for nearly a year.
I'm pretty much back on track now aside from the exercise, which I'm hoping will get approval at my checkup next week (no pool until I'm healed up, for example) so I can start building back up again.
Congratulations! I hope it helps you to vent and relate.
And don't worry, you'll be fine.