omgsasha, hugs hugs hugs, sweety!!
First let me tell you, there is no way you are a bad person. You and I have had enough chats online here and in PMs for me to "know" that much about you. You are one of the sweetest people I have met here.
Trust me when I get it that you are anxious and sad and worried, been there and done that!
You are a young girl but my best advice for you (and take it with a grain of salt as I'm crying myself after getting my TOM this week and praying so hard I was pregnant, even though it was a long shot), is to start getting treatment with your doctors. And part of that I know is going to be losing weight. Trust me when I get so sad that I didn't take better care of myself when I was young and get my body ready for becoming a mother. I'll never know if I would have got endometrial cancer even if I was thin and fit and I try not to harp on the past, it's the future that matters now. But regardless of whether I get pregnant or not, I want to be in optimal health and live a long life with my husband and the rest of the world!!
After I was first diagnosed and told I'd probably never have my own baby, I swear every woman I know was pregnant, was giving birth, or planning to get pregnant again. I cried and cried. I could cry about it now if I let myself (and sometimes I do). But right now I'm staying positive and hoping that it's meant to be for me to be a mom (hopefully naturally!).
I have an appointment at my fertility doc's office tomorrow and the tech I get is about 6 months pregnant. I just think to myself "How cruel that a pregnant woman is taking care of me while I'm here" but I don't know her story, her struggles, anything. So I just get happy for her and this new life she is carrying and pray that I'm in the same boat soon.
Sorry I rambled. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone and your thoughts are totally normal. Now we just have to get you on the right mental track to take control and get healthy for your future, no matter what it holds!!