I'm so sad and hurt- what can i do?

Minya · 08-11-2009, 03:14 PM

thank you so much quince, I'm glad my post could benefit you and the others here, did I mention how much I love all you guys? XD

All the stories is what keeps me going, I'm so glad to have found this site!

Chicklette217 · 08-12-2009, 01:10 AM

If you have not read her try Janet Evanovich that number books. They are light hearted and make you laugh.

Brandie

Bette k · 08-12-2009, 01:43 AM

Minya,
I am proof that you don't have to worry about losing your fertility. I've had PCOS since high school, but it wasn't diagnosed until I was 28. I had my son when I was 30 with the help of clomid, and after years of trying, lots of drugs, and 2 misscarriages I gaveup having a second child. When I was 42 I accidently got pregnant with my daughter. I remember after the test and US came in, the dr came into the room looked at me and said " After everything I did to get you pregnant you went and did it without me." Then he gave ma a big hug.
I would recomend that you see a reproductive endocrinologist ( fertility specialist) because most drs have very little knowledge about what is happening with PCOS today. The last 10 - 15 years have massivly increased the amount of knowledge about PCOS. I was diagnosed in the 1980s and treatments have become so much better.

MsDiana 08 · 08-12-2009, 01:50 AM

I had my first child at 31.

SASCS · 08-14-2009, 08:03 PM

Hi Minya,
Your first post broke my heart. I have had several "infertile" friends who are now moms. If the pressure gets too much, check out "Resolve". It is a national infertility group that helped my friends over twenty years ago. Good luck. Also, my mom had PCOS, one ovary removed and ended up having six children with the other ovary.

Tammy · 08-14-2009, 10:54 PM

I was also going to mention Resolve. I had my son when I was 33.

TnGal31 · 08-20-2009, 10:55 PM

I am new to the board (my first post tells my story in detail).

I wanted to give you hope !! I had my first child at the age of 21 not knowing that I had PCOS, but looking back I sure had a lot of "relations" with my fiance and didn't get pregnant ! Then when my first was 2 years old I started trying for my 2nd and found out I had severe PCOS. ( I had also gained a TON of weight and it was WAY worse). When she was three (1 year of trying ) I went to the GYN.

So I was put on Metformin XR and was sent to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist who did many tests and ultrasounds.

After 2 more years, I got pregnant !!!! Actually maybe it wasn't quite 2 years.

I now have a wonderful son who is 3 and full of life !!

I don't wish for more children, but I am 31 and if I *did* want more I wouldn't hesitate to try again at this age. My sis in law had her son at the age of 31 and did great !

You are not "old" for having children.

I suggest a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and if you cannot go to one of those at least shop around for a very knowledgable Gynecologist/OB.

Sorry you are upset. I understand how someone could rub it in because I tried so hard for almost 4 years to get pregnant with my 2nd child and it seemed like everywhere around me people were having babies.

I would just try to remember that this is an exciting time for her, maybe cut her a tiny bit of slack (just a little-

) and be sure to check out all your options. I just can't stress seeing an RE enough.

Minya · 08-21-2009, 11:36 AM

I'll definately look into the Resolve group, I have a doctor appt on monday and I'm going to ask her about fertility and what she thinks I should do. My hubby and I decided to wait for kids and I feel so much better about myself these past few days.

Thanks guys!

Minya · 08-31-2009, 07:16 AM

Oh my god, you're not going to believe this ladies, my sister in law already accused me of being pregnant (which I'm not) and I'm saying it is an accusation because of her personality type. Here's what happened, my hubby went on his facebook page last night and she instant messaged him asking if I was. He told her no but she didn't believe him and said I should go get tested. He reassured her again that it wasn't necessary because I'm still on the pill and I went to my obgyn this week for a check up. She just responded "Well whatever you say" as if he was lying! Oh my god, she is so damn paranoid!!!!! I can't even have a moment's peace at home without her trying to get at me!

09-04-2009, 12:36 PM

its rubbish isnt it,ive been feeling low for over 2 years with 5 miscs...and i just know that my hubbys bro will announce another baby soon...its just my kind of luck at the minute.
id give my right arm and leg to conceive

x

Minya · 09-09-2009, 06:03 AM

awe man i know how you feel

pkmom · 09-10-2009, 05:04 AM

my mother had me at age 40 - and I'm her first
I followed that by having my youngest at age 40

there's hope

kt

Krissy Rose · 11-01-2009, 07:09 PM

Minya, I completely understand what you are going through. My husband has one sister. She just turned 22, but you would think she were 14 years old by the way she acts. She is extremely conceited, and everything that the family does MUST be centered around her. My husband and I had dated for 3 years before getting engaged, and waited another 2 1/2 years to get married (so I could finish my bachelor's). She met this older guy (almost 30) and latched on to him, because she doesn't have a degree, a place to stay, or a a job hardly, and he does. So she met him and got married to him less than a year later, RIGHT after our wedding. She used-wait, let's say stole- lots of our ideas. I knew we'd have a problem right there. Always competing, always trying to get her way, always trying to manipulate situations.

To make a long story short, after a miscarriage and thousands of dollars of fertility treatments, we are NOT pregnant, and she is (after ensuring us over and over she will have the first grandchild). My husband and I have had an EXTREMELY difficult time. My in-laws misconstrue the situation, believing we are insensitive and "only a horrible person would be upset she was pregnant". We have been around her once on a family vacation since she's been pregnant (we learned our lesson) and she was only like 10 weeks and not showing AT ALL. We sent them (my in-laws and SIL) information and links on the emotional toll PCOS and infertility has on people. We provided them with as much information possible to help them understand how hard it is for us. What did my husband's SIL do on the vacation AFTER we talked with them and sent information? Rubbed her belly (remember, not even showing yet!) constantly right in front of us, put her hands on her back while leaning back and pushing her stomach out to act like her back was hurting (remember, not even showing yet!), and constantly complaining about morning sickness, pushing food away with a look of disgust (like a 16 year old), and going shopping (on vacation with us, and remember, not even showing yet!) for maternity clothes. Gee, thanks for being understanding.

I felt extremely guilty for my feelings initially, but after reading tons of posts with women going through the same things as we are, I am realizing it is NOT just me; it is the nature of the beast (PCOS and its emotional toll). I've also slowly come to the realization that I cannot change how and what they think. I can only provide them with materials and enough testimonies to allow them to make an educated decision to support their son and daughter-in-law, which they have yet to do. Therefore, unfortunately, my husband and I have made the choice to see them as little as possible, especially through my SIL's pregnancy. If they are going to be insensitive and downright ignorant, there is no reason my husband and I should continue to reach out. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It really does hurt and you will have good and bad days. Good days when you are too busy to think TOO much about it, and bad days when that is all you can think about.

melissahasabigolbutt · 11-02-2009, 11:43 AM

I had stupid doctors who appparently never heard of PCOS because I have the classic symptoms. After years of miscarriages and trying to conceive unsuccessfully DH and I were at a crossroads. Do we try fertility drugs (I was reluctant because I personally believe they may cause cancer in some people with a predisposition for certain types of cancer)or adopt. We were praying about this and whammo- prego (with twins). I was self-treating myself with NATURAL progesterone cream which regulated my periods when I became preggo. I think every woman should read What Your Doctor Won't tell You About Menopause. When I read about estrogen dominance, it was an eye-opener. After the birth of our daughter (the other twin did not survive) I was dx with PCOS, finally. I gained 35 pounds after her birth in 6 months and that's my current struggle, but educating yourself about hormones (as if you couldn't probably teach a class on it now having PCOS yourself) doesn't hurt a thing and may very well change your life. Who knew Suzanne Sommers was such a freakin genius?

DianaG · 12-03-2009, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minya

I just found out my sister in law is pregnant with her first child. I thought at first that it was something to be happy about until I went to my in-laws house today. The problem is my sister in law is a very VERY selfish person, I mean the type who would get upset if she weren't the one to bring the first grandchild into the world (which she is). Now that she is expecting, her selfishness has gotten even worse, the world revolves around her and this is only two days after she found out as well.

Here's my issue, I have PCOS and considered infertile... T_T

I'm so jealous of her...not because she is having a baby, but because she is CAPABLE of having one...and I can't.... Her strutting around about the baby is making me hurt inside.

I feel so bad about myself because of these personal hormone issues and am trying to change myself for the better by losing weight but the goal just seems to be getting further and further away. Plus I'm turning 26 on the 18th...so I'm pushing past what they call 'the fertility years' and lagging behind. My mom had all her kids by the time she was 25.

I'm being selfish myself by posting this, I know. But I desperately need to vent and cry before I tear my hair out. How can I make this easier to deal with? Should I just ignore it and let her rub her pregnancy into me?

Sweetie, Your feelings are perfectly natural. I am the middle daughter of three and when I was 25 my husband and I began our trying to conceive journey. As the years rolled by I watched my oldest sister get pregnant and have three sons, my youngest sister got pregnant during those years and had three daughters. It seemed every time I turned around one of my sisters was pregnant. It killed me each time, even though I love them to death and was happy for them- it still made me feel our fertility struggle so much more. When my youngest sister announced she was expecting again. I waited until they left and then burst into tears. I cried for the rest of the day, not because I did not want another niece or nephew, but because it was so easy for them. At this point I had just had my 5th misscarriage 4 months before her announcement.

My point is, that it is an emotional struggle and you are reacting naturally to the situation. Please do not give up all hope. For 10 years I kept hoping and trying. After years of fertility treatments and struggling my husband and I finally were blessed with a daughter and then 10 months later we got pregnant again with our youngest daughter. I was 35 and 36 when I had them, so do not despair. You never know what the future holds in store for you.