[pharmacistkaren]

It's been a while and I thought that I could do a little "service" here since I always read this forum but never write anything much. I joined OA May 1 and have been really surprised at what I have gotten out of it so far. I am not really a spiritual person but once I understood that my higher power could be my dietician or my group, that really helped me to keep going and listening. Then I found that I was quietly asking God to help me to be willing. Willing for all things. Willing to surrender to my dietician and his food plan. Willing to exercise. Just willing. This has helped alot. Just asking for it was strange to me but I thought, what the heck, I'll try it.

So, it's been 6 weeks. I started at 172 and I have lost 11 pounds. I was 192lbs 2 years ago and lost 40 pounds before my wedding, using diet and exercise, but even then I had the sense that the 40 pound weight loss was just sort of treating the symptoms, not the cause. Sort of like a bandaid approach. I gained 20 back and was on my way back up the scale again and was out of control eating again. I felt like food was running my life. I felt stupid, like why can I have other things in my life handled fine but I CAN NOT get a handle on my eating?? What is wrong with me? The interesting thing about losing the 11lbs is that I was happy but really didn't care that much. It was like, "ok, that is nice information, but weight loss is not my goal here anymore". Wow, what a shift in thinking. I used do live and die by the number of pounds I lost and the number on the scale. My goals are different now. My goal is normal portions of food and not bingeing over the LONG haul and weight loss is the SIDE EFFECTof that goal, not the primary goal. I have never thought this way before. I am not really interested in the number of pounds lost.

I do not have a sponsor yet. I am not sure I want one. I am praying to be "willing" for a sponsor to help me continue. I just don't think I need to commit my food ever morning. And, people with time in my meetings are very few. One day at a time, I tell myself. I didn't have everything figured out in the first 36 years of my life, so what's the rush now?

I am off to a meeting now. Have a good night.

[marny]

Karen-
It's great to hear from you! I can totally relate to the weight loss becoming secondary. I have made so much personal growth in the program that the weight loss really takes a back seat. I agree...it's a side effect of all the other good stuff.

Not all sponsors are the same. They each have their own style. You wouldn't necessarily have to call in your food everyday. Only if you and your sponsor agree that it would be helpful to you. I don't call my food in and never have. The other thing to keep in mind is that you don't have to keep the same sponsor forever. If it's not working for you, then you find a new one. You stated that people in your group don't have a lot of time, but if there's someone there that you connect with or get a lot of help and inspiration from, I think you should call her. You won't know if it's a good match until you ask and give it a try.

[ellis]

Karen, welcome! I love your attitude. You sound very aware and together. I hope things are continuing to go well for you!

[WaterWater]

I love hearing your story Karen! I have felt many of those same things myself. Even though I have slipped these past couple of weeks, I have and still am learning so much through OA and I am so grateful for the program!

Edited to add:
BTW - we started OA on the same day!