Some step 4 questions
Character traits
It has been said that all of us have three characters: What we think we are, what we want others to believe we are, and what we really area. In fact, we are combinations of all three. Our moral and ethical strengths are traits that were forged from the softness of childhood into the shapes of the present. Whether or not they are set firmly, now, depends on our thinking as well as what others think of us, and the reality of our natures.
The quality of our character is dependent upon the many traits that contribute to our thinking and our behavior. When we examine the parts that make up the whole we are more likely to see just where our strengths and weaknesses lie; we can see in what way certain qualities are expressed. In this way we can gain insight into the “exact nature of our wrongs” and help ourselves to find a direction in improving our shortcomings.
Dating the answers to the following questions might be a way in which we can compare ourselves over a period of time. Those of us who are serious about self-improvement will be pleased to discover real progress when we do periodic reviews of our character traits.
Although we tend to lean toward one or another trait, we will probably find that most times we fluctuate between the extremes listed here.
Aware of others
Do I try to become less preoccupied with myself by getting interested in things outside myself?
Can I see that being helpful to others is a way out of my dilemma?
Are my responsibilities to myself kept in good balance with my desire to reach out to others?
Self-centered
Helpful to others
Do I enjoy going out of my way for others, or am I constantly expecting others to of out of their way for me?
Have I considered helping out at my group by accepting a service position or responsibility?
Self-indulgent
Generous
Do I make an effort to consider the needs of others as well as my own?
Am I generous with my time in service to others, remembering especially my family members?
Do I try to share something of myself, my feelings and ideas, with others?
Selfish
Thoughtful
Have I considered that others may have had as difficult a time in life as I have?
Do I steer clear of getting others to feel sorry for me?
Do I see problems as one of the greatest forces for growth in my life, a real gift from my Higher Power?
Self-pitying
Open-minded, gracious
Can I be open-minded and receptive to people with new ideas?
Can I compromise realistically?
Can I do things the way another person suggests?
Smug, stubborn
Constructively critical
Do I avoid taking another person’s inventory?
Have I eliminated the shoulds and oughts from my vocabulary when I am speaking about other people?
Am I convinced that most people are the way they need to be at present, not necessarily the way they would like to be?
Judgmental
Respectful
Do I respect the feelings and experiences of others?
Have I developed some sense of my right to be treated with dignity?
Can I balance my need to fulfill myself as a person with knowledge of the same need in others?
Disrespectful
Patient
Do I have patience with myself while maintaining a healthy form of self-discipline?
Can I patiently teach others what I have learned, appreciating their willingness to learn?
Do I realize that in being patient I am allowing my Higher Power to work through time to give me the guidance that I need?
Impatient
Tolerant
Can I be accommodating and still maintain my self-respect?
Do I avoid condescending attitudes toward others?
Do I realize that my feelings of frustration are decreased as my tolerance is increased?
Intolerant
Realistic
Do I understand that reality is what is happening, not what I think or feel is happening?
Can I see that the truth alone means not having to deal with dozens of imagined troubles?
Do I believe what is real is happening only one day at a time?
Unrealistic
Reasonable
Do I try to reason things through rather than act on impulse?
Do I try to hear a full story before drawing my conclusions?
Can I give others the benefit of the doubt?
Unreasonable
Assertive
Do I act in my own behalf and set my own goals?
Do I make my own decisions?
Can I resist giving in just to keep peace when my own welfare and integrity are involved?
Submissive
Cooperative
Do I try to understand another’s position, even though I may not agree with it?
Can I work well with others in a group?
Can I accept the leadership of others?
Do I lead by example as well as by words?
Domineering
Outgoing
Am I comfortable in my social interactions with others?
Do I realize that others may benefit from my shared experience?
Do I get involved in affairs of the world, my community, and my family?
Withdrawn
Forgiving
Do I see making a list of resentments as a first step toward rooting out these resentments?
Once a conflict is over and I have expressed my anger, can I let go?
Resentful
Trusting
Can I give others the benefit of the doubt?
Can I take a chance on being disappointed in order to invest in a new relationship?
Do I avoid always searching for a hidden motive in what others do?
Suspicious
Agreeable
Do I look for the best in each situation and person that I encounter?
Do I avoid arguing simply for the sake of arguing?
Do I avoid the use of sarcasm when others do not share my views?
Disagreeable
Trustworthy
Do I avoid discussing another’s problems under the guise of it being “for their own good?”
Do I avoid tattling on others?
Do I see protecting confidences as an essential part of the program and as a hallmark of a mature person?
Prone to gossip
Content
Do I make a conscious effort to count my blessings?
Can I enjoy the good fortune of others?
Can I avoid blaming others and try to improve my own circumstances?
Envious
Cheerful
Do I avoid blaming others for my unhappiness?
Can I understand why Abraham Lincoln said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be”?
Do I recover quickly from disappointment?
Depressed
Courteous
Do I listen attentively when others are talking or am I just waiting my turn to speak?
Am I considerate of others in my use of language and the tone and pitch of my voice?
Do I know the difference between asking for help and imposing?
Discourteous
Kind
Do I try to refrain from saying anything if I find it difficult to be kind?
Do I see value in simply lending a listening ear to someone in need?
Unkind
Calm
Can I share others’ problems without worrying about them?
Do I realize that action is often an antidote to worry?
Do I use the Serenity Prayer to find a sense of peace?
Worrisome
Loving, caring
Do I avoid an I-don’t-care attitude about others, realizing that indifference is often more cruel than outright rejection?
Do I try to avoid being overbearing and protective?
Can I accept the love which others offer to me?
Indifferent
Discreet
Am I conscientious and tactful in my interactions with others, always considering their feelings?
Do I avoid over-talking a point?
Have I considered listening to myself as a means of developing a sense of discretion?
Lacking discretion
Stable
Do I work to avoid wide swings in my mood?
Are my feelings expressed in appropriate ways?
Am I sensitive to the feelings of others in a healthy way?
Do I use silence to help me to regain stability and composure?
Panicky, violent
Consistent
Do I try to say what I mean and mean what I say?
Do I do what I have promised to do?
Can I be counted on to act the same way when faced with the same situation on different occasions?
Inconsistent
Sincere
Do I try to be myself, avoiding putting on a front to impress others?
Do I avoid paying compliments when I don’t mean them?
Do I avoid manipulating people by telling them what they want to hear instead of what I really think or feel?
Insincere
Honest
Am I honest with myself about my motives?
Do I avoid rationalizing or justifying my faults?
Can I keep from telling lies, even small ones?
Can I be straightforward with others, letting them know me as I am?
Am I careful never to be hostile or vicious under the guise of honesty?
Dishonest
Willing to admit faults
Can I admit to myself and others when I am wrong?
Do I avoid following up an apology with an excuse for my behavior?
Have I grown past the point where I rationalize and claim my bad behavior is reasonable because of my situation?
Self-righteous
Humble
Am I a gracious winner?
Am I aware that being humble is having an honest appraisal of myself?
Do I know that a humbling experience is never a humiliating one?
Have I learned that humility is a sense of proportion between me and my Higher Power?
Arrogant
Relaxed
Do I avoid using chemical substances (unless prescribed by a physician) to achieve a state of relaxation?
Is there something that I really enjoy doing that will help me to relax?
Can I realize that a realistic amount of tension in most situations makes me keen and more able to function well?
Can I use the slogan “Easy Does It” to my advantage?
Tense
Confident, having faith
Have I ever listed and analyzed my fears?
Do I see value in talking to someone about my fears?
Can I accept a certain amount of insecurity in my life without feeling that everything will fall apart?
Fearful, apprehensive
Hopeful
Can I start each day with hopes of making it better than the one before?
Am I willing to do what I can to fulfill my hopes?
Do I believe in a Higher Power who can help me to find a better, happier way of life?
Despondent
Optimistic
Do I try to expect the best in each situation I encounter?
Do I give myself a chance to have a bright future?
Do I try to share the best part of myself in my relationships with others?
Pessimistic
Living for today
Have I done all I can to rid myself of guilt feelings about the past?
Do I exercise all my senses in a positive way?
Am I willing to apply the “Just for Today” concepts in my life?
Living in the past, worrying about the future
Industrious
Do I realize that willingness to do something is the first step toward actually doing it?
Can I stick to a task once I’ve started it?
Do I have an organized way of tackling my duties?
Lazy
Prompt
Do I try to avoid thoughtless delay in actions or decisions because of laziness or carelessness?
Do I realize that procrastination often leads to justification for missed opportunities?
Am I aware that being late shows disrespect to those waiting for me?
Procrastinating
Purposeful
Do I still care enough to make changes in my life?
Do I have a purpose in my life?
Can I discipline myself in a healthy and comfortable way so that I can accomplish things?
Aimless
Responsible
Can I be trusted with responsibility?
Have I learned to say, “No” at times?
Do I avoid feeling responsible for other’s lives but see myself as having responsibilities to others?
Irresponsible
Using talents and abilities
Do I appreciate my talents and abilities?
Can I discipline myself enough to develop these talents and abilities?
Do I realize that these are gifts and use them in service to my Higher Power and my fellowman?
Disinterested in self
Thankful
Am I thankful for present blessings?
Have I ever considered making a list of things I am grateful for?
Do I take time to express my thanks to my Higher Power?
Ungrateful
Willing to continue to seek emotional and spiritual balance
Do I know that I won’t have finished “the job” when I do manage to finish the Fourth Step?
Smug, complacent
My positive character traits:
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