[Onmyown123]

I did lost on the chicks in control thread. I have been secretly eating carbs ever since I can remember. I am married, have a child and there s no way I could get myself to an OA group. I also have a reasonable career and apart from one friend, anyone who I have talked to about it just hasn't understood, I usually get "just have one and you will feel satisfied" ever since I was a skinny kid, I have never done just "one".

I eat mostly when tired or down - tiredness, since being a mum, has been very tough. The toughest. So I overeat when down, depressed and tired....BUT I also overeat when at home alone, when there are easily accessible carbs in the house i.e. I walk into the kitchen and look at the bread and nom nom, it's gone, I eat way more than anyone else I've ever met is capable of doing in one ago, I nearly always eat in secret and I have no idea why i do it. I am not overweight at the moment (maybe a few pounds) but I have been larger in the past and I'm going through a bad patch at the moment.

Last year I helped restrict my overeating by ensuring I wasn't able to overeat i.e. I took all binge foods out of the house during the day when home alone, I tried to exercise straight away - these were strategies that have helped. However, now we often have other children in our home and my husband thinks it's crazy to keep carbs out of the house and my LO is a carb monster now too.... so limiting my access is tough. Sometimes it would be good to talk to someone who understands and can offer advice or support. I have tried willpower, I can do that for a few hours... I have tried not caring, eating what I wanted whenever I wanted- the problem with this was I was on a constant high seeking the net hit, permanently felt sick and tired and I couldn't focus on anything else much and I gained a lot of weight. I then got fed up with being large and my relationship at the time ended and I was motivated by vanity.

Now being a mum vanity has gone, there isn't much to be vain about lol.

So I set of feel stuck in a dark tunnel, sometimes when bingeing I'm having a party in there... then I fall even deeper in it... the light... and living seems a long way off....

I posted in another thread today. I had panned to take my Lo out. We both woke from a nap after a bad night. My parents had been visiting, and there were many types of bread, fruit loaves, cereals - and I just got up and started eating them (my LO wanted his lunch immediately so I had planned to prepare us both a sandwich instead of going out) I ate about half the loaf whilst making it and I hang my head in shame but it didn't stop there. The rest of the day was spent indoors feeling sick. I felt hugely guilty and did some arty stuff with my LO but I hate the way I do this, and I do it frequently.

Sorry for the moan. I feel like I won't be judged as having read some other's posts, it appears there are others like me. I would love to share tips and advice, I want to start living again (sorry it's all a bit me me me today!) x