I did not have a very abstinent day yesterday. I have been dealing with issues with my mom. She is sick and possibly not going to be with us for as long as she could be. She could live a longer life if she would take care of herself, but I am not going to put money on it that she will. Her actions in the past and her priorities in life have put her in this situation. She has not been much of a mother to me, so my instinct it to guard my heart and put distance between us. However, she will not allow that, she is calling and showing up unannounced, that type of thing. I wish she would give me some space. She has no respect for other peoples boundaries sometimes.
I had a talk about it with my sponsor and ironically, the scripture I read the other night was about being empathetic to others. That when people are going through hard times, the last thing they need is someone to put more judgement on them. I cringed when I read that. I don't want to deal with these feelings. I can act like she doesn't bother me, but she does. These feelings do bother me, obviously because I am eating over them.
I did call her the other day and the conversation was light. We talked about my finals coming up and that she was going to try to do something small for the holidays. (This kind of made be annoyed. Back story to that is, her boss is millionaire who is in love with her, he gives her envelopes of cash every year for Christmas, but then she tells me she can't afford gifts for her grand kids). I had to just shrug that off, this is her, her priorities. I cannot change her and the way she chooses to live. She has never been there for people when she should be, and only is when she needs something from them. I try not to repeat that same behavior, along with the majority of eating disordered behaviors I learned from her.
I am still not getting any child support. He hasn't given me anything since July/August. In the divorce papers it states the child support. I am not sure if it will be taken out automatically or if he is supposed to pay it. He won't pay it and it will have to be set up automatically. I expect him to start working under the table so he doesn't have to pay.