I am going to try to make this post positive. Please forgive the rambling. I am feeling really sad, but am trying to look at the positive. I have had two good days on my food plan. I have started working out again. Normally this makes me feel better. But today I am just feeling sad and have been crying a lot. This morning when I got up I cried. A friend came by and we talked and I cried. Then I cried while I was driving home from the store. And, just now I had a real pity party and cried my heart out. Luckily I my husband held me until it passed.
Even though I am sad, I have been getting up, getting dressed and doing the best I can. I have been trying to remember a saying I have heard that has helped me in the past. "This too shall pass."
I realized tonight I have been depressed for some months now. I sleep all the time and my eating was way out of control after losing quite a bit of weight. On the positive, I have kept half of it off (50 pounds). I am going to see my doctor on the first for a checkup, if I am still feeling this bad I am going to ask him for some help.
The stress in my life is crazy. My husband has an serious illness and I try to positive for him, but phew, it is not easy some times.
I am seeing a counselor and she has been great in directing me. So I know I have to hang in there and it will get better.
If you're reading this, thanks for listening. It is helping me getting the crazy thoughts out of my head.
One day at a time!
Its better to say it out loud, or write, even if no one every reads it. I commend you for getting up and doing what you have to do despite the sadness. In the treatment center I was in, they gave us a book, small book, but powerful, called "constructive living" and that was pretty much what the book was about. Doing what you have to do even though you feel awful, to not let those bad thoughts and feelings control your actions anymore. I am not there yet, getting there, but still not quite to that point. I think we are supposed to feel this way, especially in early abstinence. We have been stuffing our feelings down with food for so long, when we put the food down, they all come back to the surface again. You are dealing with them instead of numbing out, I think that is progress.
Stay strong Pearl. You are so brave and courageous to keep on keeping on like you are. Remember things get easier the longer you do them, particularly as you start to develop habits, so you don't have to conciously think about doing them all the time i.e exercising or eating right.
Just take it one step at a time and try to build a bit of momentum every day.
You've already made some fantastic progress loving over 50 pounds already.
I highly recommend you continue to communicate your thoughts and feelings as much as possible, don't let them well up inside. It's great you are sharing with the support of other girls here, but maybe also consider finding a neutral party that you can talk to face-face - I found that to be very helpful!
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