Hi my name is heather and im a recovering binger who wants to binge right now..help!
Im a recovering binger and i have done so well this past month and a half, but right now, i really want to eat everything..on plan or off plan.. i dont care.. I feel so frustrated and upset and mad and i hate life right now. Dont get me wrong, i love life most of the time...and i have been quite happy..but lately things have been getting to me...like the fact, that i really just want to quit this diet program i am on because i feel like im getting no where.. i mean.. i am getting somewhere but it FEELS like im getting no where.. i want people to notice me when i am walking around are tiny town and be able to say "hey, there goes the girl who has lost some weight" but instead i tell people ive lost 17 pounds and people look at me like im lying cause they cant see it..PLUS..im frustrated because ive been wanting to buy a treadmill and we have been waiting for a Sears card to come in so we can buy it with the sears visa so then we can pay it off monthly and we have been waiting for my fiancees credit check..but its been more than 14 days since we have gotten anything in the mail and im getting impatient,almost to the point of tears. See, i feel like having a treadmill will help me succeed much more..We only have a tiny little gym and the only time i can go is in the evening and well, i have a hard enough time being out in public cause of my feelings of being self-concious about what others think..plus its kinda creepy walking around town at night in the dark by yourself..My fiancee cant take me because my daughter is in bed at 7 which is when i go to the gym.. So..this treadmill would mean i could work out during the day at home when my daughter is down for her nap..ive had success losing weight by running on a treadmill and eating properly..so it feels like success is there but not within my reach.. Im so frustrated and on top of it..my fiancee is freaking out about finances and about how we will get this treadmill but then we will end up having this loan forever cause it will take forever to pay off..and im so mad because i want to just get a job and work my butt off for a month at a job in the evenings but i cant, because my fiancee works in the evenings too and his schedule is so sporadic, that we couldnt get a babysitter in time or on a schedule..which would cost money anyways..So i dont know if im more mad at myself because we had a baby before i got healthy..or the fact that i feel powerless about my circumstances.. But all these emotions are making me want to just give up and eat and eat and eat.. Im trying so hard right now..