on the edge of a binge, I think

  • I have strep throat and feel icky. I have been very diligent in counting calories these past 2 months (since I started OA). I try to stay below 1800 calories a day, and now I've eaten 1986 calories for today. I've had a sprite, but I refuse to count calories for it, just for today, since I'm taking it for my throat and tummy, lol. It doesn't even taste great to me, which is a nice touch for me!
    My appetite has been spotty and finicky today, so I snacked more, but on healthy items I would normally eat. I did have beef and broccoli from the local Chinese place, but I ordered it with plain steamed rice and no egg rolls or anything.
    I don't plan on eating anything else today, except a cup of tea later. My question is, do I have to consider this a day of binging? It doesn't feel like and old binge day for me, because I still avoided trigger foods and watched my portions pretty well. I snacked when I wasn't exactly hungry because keeping food in my stomach makes me less queasy (thanks, antibiotics).
    I think I'm freaking out because this is my first "threat" to my food abstinence I've experienced since joining OA. Now that I've written down what I've eaten, I feel responsible and empowered again.
    Did I fail?
  • Hi Chickybird!

    I am still somewhat new to this site-but not new to OA!! I have been in and out for many years.

    I wanted to share with you something that has helped me over the years. When I could get to the place where all my focus was on food...the eating it..the measuring it, the worry of it-I felt so much more sane!

    The way I did that was to sit down each Sunday evening and write my plan for that week. I even made small baggies of measured foods and meals so that there was NO question of too much or too little.

    I have found that the obsession with food has always lead me to insecurity and binging.

    Do what you can to take care of yourself. Find out what your areas of "danger" are and build up your fortress to protect yourself from it.

    Life is so much more-and no-you have not failed. It's not a win/lose thing really.

    Consider logging. Even for one day.

    Hugs and I hope you feel better soon!
  • In my opinion, you didn't fail. You only went over by 186 calories. As long as it stays at that and you don't open the gate to more binging, I say don't beat yourself up over it. Put on the breaks, cut yourself off for the day, and feel good about your ability to stop yourself and be in control.

    Personally, when I would go over - even by a few hundred calories - it opened the door to binging for me and I said to myself "well I already went over so might as well eat whatever I want". In retrospect, I could have saved myself from eating another 2000 calories by putting on the breaks, but I just didn't have the ability then. I'm trying really hard to learn from that.

    Any time I go over or slip up, I think about why it happened and try to change my behavior. If you treat a slip up as a learning opportunity, it helps you feel better about it - and you can work on preventing it from happening again in the future!
  • Thanks guys! I do use a food journal religiously, so I will keep doing that. I did end up eating some fruit, but it was measured out and I knew it would feel so good on my sore throat. I am back to weighing, measuring, and logging today. Thank you so much!