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feeling lost..and sick

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Old 07-29-2009, 10:30 PM   #1
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Uhg here we go again...

I binged tonight, nothing new. Ate so much I successfully made myself sick. I dont know what to do anymore. I was doing the best I did in a while and lost my first 5 lbs. You think i'd be excited and more committed than ever. Wrong--I binged. not once, but twice so far. I keep telling myself--this is it- the last binge. Ive told myself that probably 20 times already. I dont know why I do it. And even as I'm grabbing the food my body is saying "No! dont do it" but I feel like my hearing goes when it says that, like Im a robot with no thought just moving through the motions of eating disgustingly amounts of food. ive ate myself sick, cried myself numb. I dont know whats left to do. I want to say "dont give up keep going" but every time, EVERY TIME Ive tried to change my eating habits it always ends in a binge. I cant even lay on my stomach like I usually do because I've eaten so much. I've dealt with this by myself and nothings changed. I want to cry and swear and just die on my floor. But then I thought maybe talking to some other girls might help...because I just dont know what to do anymore. I know however, if i keep doing this Im really going to damage myself. Eating healthy isnt that complex. i want to be healthy, i want to be fit, and I want to have control of what I eat. then why cant i? Ladies, I would appreciate anything you have to say.
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Old 07-30-2009, 04:10 AM   #2
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Dear Emma... I'm here!
First of all, I want to tell you that I've been a binge eater for 10 years so far. It started very BAD when I was 16, year after year things are getting better, lately I usually binge "just" once in a month. I tell you this only to "present" myself ... I want you to know that I'm totally with you. Because even if I know (as you know) that a binge, or many of them, are not the worse thing/disease it can happen... I cried myself numb a lot of times due to my inefficiency, I pushed myself to sleep in the middle of an afternoon after a binge, just to feel even more dumb. I thought I would have never overcome this. I didn't understand why I was doing something so idiot, something I didn't want and which wasn't even making me happy (at least, I binged several times even on foods I DIDN'T LIKE at all... just stuffing my face ).

I don't have any miracle word for you... but I want to tell you THERE IS HOPE First of all, you've already lost 5 lb... might be that in your eyes they don't seem so much, and you may think that with a couple of binge you could gain them back. This is not important, the point is that 5 LB of weight loss are anyway a very very good accomplishment You CAN lose weight. You think you are condemned all your life to the yo-yo "lose-gain"... Might be in the beginning! But think: 5 steps forward and 2 backwards are still 3 steps towards "happiness"!!! Please don't think to give up just because you are not perfect.

This forum is full of practical and very very good advises to avoid binges or to overcome them.. I'd like to share with you what works for me:
FIRST, don't think about the binge, don't count calories, please TRY not to think you have ruined everything blablabla... DO THINK you have been to a super mega party, a wedding party maybe, where you HAD TO eat... it was your duty and you enjoyed it! Thin people overeat from time to time, and then they dont' feel too guilty about it, they just turn back into their daily routine. So, YOU ARE A THIN chick who has gone to a superparty. Now the party is over, and you can continue (not "start again"... a party is PART OF THE DIET... dont' switch your mind off/on... take everything as a flux... everything is part of the same process) with your plans, who made you loose already 5 lb. JUST DO IT, and DON'T THINK.
(I know that immediately after a binge you can't help thinking about it because you feel it in your tummy.... but after that feeling, please DO NOT THINK).

Last thought:
as I said, take everything as a flux, as part of the process. A binge as well. DO NOT THINK "this will be my last binge". It's not your last binge and you know it.
When I started to accept my binge, it became better (= I binge less times and for fewer meals). At least, my body is/was so used to binge, that from time to time it really needs it. Of course I'm trying to fight the urge to binge, and little by little I'm succeding in this. But I do not think I will never binge again. I know I will binge, but less times... and time after time I will win it again and again by getting back to my diet/plan/normal routine.
We beat the binge by getting back on track, not by avoiding it.
Believe me, it will get better if you accept it.

But let's stay tuned!
I will need your help when I binge again!

Last edited by Julietta : 07-30-2009 at 04:15 AM.
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Old 07-30-2009, 08:25 AM   #3
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thank you so much for your response..it is a mystery, why we do it. i cant figure it out. thanks for all the helpful information too.
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:26 AM   #4
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Emma, you are reaching out for help and this is a good thing. You already realize you can do this alone.

What works for me is the program of Overeaters anonymous. This is a 12 step program for people that have food problems. If you don't belong I suggest you check it out.

There are on-line meetings, telephone meetings, and face to face meetings and these can be found at www.oa.org.

My thoughts are with you.
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Old 07-31-2009, 04:33 PM   #5
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thank you patd!
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Old 07-31-2009, 05:12 PM   #6
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Emma!!

We are about the same weight with the same to lose and the same height! I would love a partner maybe in this. I do the same thing. Last night there was a bowl of nibbs at my husbands grandmas and I just kept sneaking in there and swollowing before anyone could see me. The only person I am cheating is myself!!! What plan are you following???

Maybe we can keep eachother on track by having someone who wants it just as much!
<3 AJ



Last edited by ajowens : 07-31-2009 at 05:14 PM.
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Old 08-01-2009, 10:26 AM   #7
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i would love to aj! my email is gbzn@iup.edu or pm me if you want to.
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