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i never come here ( big confession)

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Old 01-15-2009, 11:34 PM   #1
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Default i never come here ( big confession)

Im not sure why im reluctant, its such a weird emotion. i dont want someone to look over my shoulder and see that im in the OA section. and yet. its ok to be seen at 3fc in general. . im probably still in denial that im a over-eater. even thought ive been doing it for years. . everyone in my family knows.. its not that easy to hide, i am freaking 275lbs!! yeesh. but something in my brain just doesnt want that label. its weird.. maybe im werid!

i also cannot understand why, i hide what i eat. i hate to be seen eating, especially during a binge.!! now, for example, i was planning on eating this whole pan of dinner... the whole thing. i knew i was going to do it. there was no stopping it, its just a matter of fact that it WAS going to happen. i was alone, my child asleep. .. and than i heard a car door.. i panicked. i dumped the rest back into the pan, and tried to wash out my dish. and cover up what i had made. i dont understand this behavoir from myself.
i literally get scared. . i panic that i'll be found out. the thing is... is what i made is part of my diet ( im a low-carber) -- and cant really do much damage to me weight wise. . but i still binge on it..


and now... i wont touch the stuff. someone is home, i'll either put it away for later. or ignore and denie i would even eat such a thing.

im so screwed up man.... sometimes i feel that there is hope. and other times im like.. wow... Im pretty f-d UP!!! LMAO--- hahaha sometimes i just have to laugh at myself. . im pathedic.

alrighty well, to whomever got this far, thanks for letting me vent. .

*sighs*
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Old 01-15-2009, 11:59 PM   #2
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A lot of people on this site are overeaters, that's why so many of us have weight issues. A lot of people on this site hide food, eat in secret, have body issues, etc.

Being willing to admit it is a good step, even though it's a struggle. The next step is doing something about it. Take the advice of the people on this site who have succeeded, you can really learn a lot from them.

Take each day as it comes, be kind to yourself and try to make small changes in your eating and attitudes, this will really help you...

Good luck!!
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Old 01-16-2009, 02:32 AM   #3
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I have binged (in secret) for 10 years and it has been a really tough thing to come to terms with. At first I didn't want to admit I had a problem. I thought maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing. Coming here and reading other people's posts I realized that I did have a problem. Because of that I decided to go to a local OA meeting and have been going for 2 weeks and have a sponsor. I am so glad I decided to do it. I really hope that by coming here and/or joining OA you will find some help and support as well. It really is tough to work on alone. Hugs to you.
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Old 01-16-2009, 07:09 AM   #4
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Nayex, welcome to Overeaters Annonymous, welcome home!

Do you have face to face meetings in your area? If you don't know you can go to www.oa.org and find out for sure. If you have them I would suggest that you attend, they are wonderful and you will be welcomed.

You are not alone in this diesease and do not have to go through it alone. There are lots of us out here and we have obtained recovery by working the 12 steps of OA. It's a journey and you've taken the first step by coming here and posting, I pray you continue the journey.

Remember what you can't do alone we can do together!

love in fellowship,
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Old 01-16-2009, 05:18 PM   #5
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Nayex,
it's not so wierd.
I'll binge eat in front of my family, they know though cuz they grew up watching me eat like that. but i try not to be so obvious about it if my sister in laws are around, and i don't eat like that in front of anyone else. I mean really, it's freakish to 'normal' people! but my stomach can always make room for more, i don't know how it does it, but it's quite capable.

my worst issue is there is times i am soo wanting to binge that i can't focus on being social with other people because i'm just wanting to be alone so i can eat what it is i'm craving. it's getting better, but i know it will always be something i'll have to contend with.
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Old 01-21-2009, 01:40 PM   #6
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I was able to stop most of my binge behavior by telling my husband about all the lying and sneaking I had done in regards to food. He knows and doesn't judge me but will help me if I ask. This means putting away the leftovers for me, rinsing off all the plates and cookware, covering the stuff in the trash, or maybe just staying in the kitchen while I do the same. When it's all put away it doesn't bother me so much. We have a back porch fridge where I put all the stuff I don't want to be tempted with. The boys know if there are leftovers and they get hungry they are welcome to eat what's back there.
I still have to come clean about sneaking once in a while, not nearly as much as before though.
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Old 01-21-2009, 02:01 PM   #7
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in general, i have real issues eating infront of people whether it's a regular meal or something else.

i think a lot of it stems from a fear of beign judged. it's ok when you're alone and eating cos you are the only one who can see but when someone else is around they see and they judge. whether they do or not isn't the issue but the fear of them judging you is always there. it's like the thought of "oh i'll have mcdonalds for lunch" and then "but if i order a big meal people will think "there's no wonder she's fat"".
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Old 01-21-2009, 02:20 PM   #8
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you all hit the nail on the head.

im not sure yet, what im going to do. so far, ive been able to restrain myself and lose sme weight. but we'll see how long this lasts. .

i would be so mortified if i had to come clean to hubby. ive come clean with myself. . and im trying to work on it. we'll see..

thanks for all the responses and support. its helped more than you know.
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Old 01-21-2009, 04:08 PM   #9
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The thing about secrets is once they aren't secret anymore, they lose their power over you.
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Old 01-26-2009, 07:28 PM   #10
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I know how you feel. I hate eating in front of people. Absolutely loathe it. I figure if they see me eating something, they'll automatically snicker at the overweight person eating. In turn, I get so many people asking my why I'm not eating. "I'm not hungry." "I ate at home." Blah blah blah. Then when I do get home, I go mental and eat everything I can get my hands on. If a roomies around, I'll plan out what I'm going to eat when they've left- I've got their schedules down pat.
I've even gone to the length of eating their food...stealing, essentially. Finally, one of my roommates not so kindly confronted me about it...at first I denied it, but it was no use. I had to be honest with her about my problem. She's gone and locked all of her food in her room (even the stuff we normally would take turns buying) and has a mini-fridge. And that hurts, when you realize one of your closest friends doesn't trust you. She did this to make a point...she's a dramatic person and I hadn't touched much of her stuff, but still, what I did was wrong, and I would never do it again. It was a turning point which made me really see I need to get this under control.
As others have said, first step is admitting the problem. And with the support, we can all make it through.
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Old 01-28-2009, 12:27 AM   #11
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Your story really hit how I feel and what I do on the head. I have felt so bad for so long at not being able to control my bingeing. Like you at times I could not wait for everyone in the house to go to bed so I could eat. Often I have bought candy or cookies and hid them so I could have them when I felt the need. Then of course I feel awful afterwards. It is exactly like you describe about feeling out of control. I feel like I am on autopilot. It has been such a blessing for me to be able to admit this to you all. I like the idea of OA and will look for one here. I also like the idea of having someone in the kitchen with me while I clean up after meals so I don't keep eating what is left. It is a terrible compulsion. I have actually sat in my car behind the grocery store so I could eat a treat and then throw the trash in their cans before I go home with groceries. That makes me feel awful.
But I am working on stopping that.(I hope and pray)
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Old 01-28-2009, 01:33 AM   #12
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I feel like I'm hearing my story from another person's mouth...its amazing that so many are going through or have been through what I am going through right now...
I have eaten when I wasnt hungry, gone to the store, eaten the food in the car, dumped the trash in the dumpster so no one would know i have eaten. I have planned my binges hours in advance and wait for hubby and kids to go to bed before i let loose on the kitchen...
i have eaten myself sick, i have eaten until i threw up, i have eaten until i cried...
it was a while before I realized what a huge problem i had and then it was time to work on it...
too bad i gained 60lbs before i realized i was trying to eat my problems away...
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Old 01-29-2009, 09:32 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mystyblue85 View Post
I feel like I'm hearing my story from another person's mouth...its amazing that so many are going through or have been through what I am going through right now...
I have eaten when I wasnt hungry, gone to the store, eaten the food in the car, dumped the trash in the dumpster so no one would know i have eaten. I have planned my binges hours in advance and wait for hubby and kids to go to bed before i let loose on the kitchen...
i have eaten myself sick, i have eaten until i threw up, i have eaten until i cried...
it was a while before I realized what a huge problem i had and then it was time to work on it...
too bad i gained 60lbs before i realized i was trying to eat my problems away...
OMG! I could have written what you just said also! There is comfort in knowing I am not the only one. It really is an addiction. Someone wrote that on the 3FC site somewhere and that has really stuck with me. It feel like your body is taken over by the pod people during those treat times. We will beat this!!!!
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Old 01-29-2009, 09:44 PM   #14
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Nayex, thank you for your honesty. I could have written your post myself a few months ago. I once told my hubby I was going to an aerobics class and instead, sat in the parking lot and ate a box, yes box of Little Debbie striped cakes. I hid what I ate because I knew I was making stupid and irresponsible choices. I knew I had a problem. I guess I felt like the cheater getting caught or the gambler throwing down their last few dollars. I was ashamed. Admitting the issue is the first step we all take. Congratulations on taking yours.
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Old 01-29-2009, 11:19 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mystyblue85 View Post
I feel like I'm hearing my story from another person's mouth
...I have eaten when I wasnt hungry, gone to the store, eaten the food in the car, dumped the trash in the dumpster so no one would know i have eaten. I have planned my binges hours in advance and wait for hubby and kids to go to bed before i let loose on the kitchen
...too bad i gained 60lbs before i realized i was trying to eat my problems away...
Wow, I really appreciate everyone's honesty. I get so disgusted with myself that I then go to the other extreme of vowing never to eat again (of course that never happens!) I can't understand why I cannot control myself around food - chocolate, popcorn, chips, cookies, breads (have you noticed that I don't have a problem with overeating/bingeing on veggies?? I idolize food - IT will solve all my problems, IT will make be less angry/sad, IT will make my life better .... IT is lying to me, but still, I go back to IT for more abuse. Why? If only I knew the answer. Why is it for some that they seemingly don't have to track their food intake/calories/points & not gain weight, while I on the other hand, go off plan for 2 days and gain 10lbs. It's like one extreme or another - "have some lasagna & garlic bread, it'll be ok", but do I put into practice everything I've been taught? ie. fill up more with salad than lasagna & drink your water ... nope, it's a food party & I'll throw all caution to the wind and eat what I want to! I act like a spoilt brat. The problem is, I don't like the end result & then throw a temper tantrum when my clothes don't fit. When will I remember to remember to stay focused and stay on plan, have minimal allowances for fatty carbs????
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