3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Chicks in Control > Overeaters Anonymous

Don't know where to start...

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-27-2008, 04:59 AM   #1
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default Don't know where to start...

I am thinking of going to an OA meeting but I am scared...really scared. For a long time (my whole life) I never thought I had a problem with food but after reading posts on here it seems obvious to me. Since I was a young girl I have struggled with food and my weight. When I was young I would constantly sneak food. Due to comments by my family I felt like I couldn't really eat in front of them and so when I was alone I would binge like crazy. I remember in high school I was so depressed and felt like I didn't fit in at all. After I came home from school and the house was empty I would eat until I threw up.

In college when I got stressed I would binge on sweets and then make myself throw up. To this day if I am alone and there are sweets around I will eat and eat and eat and then sometimes throw up and eat again. I can't belive I thought this was normal and that I didn't have a problem with food. Food consumes me, esp. in the past 4 years that I have been a SAHM. I am at home all the time and all I can think about is eating. I just hate this. I hate the shame and I hate how my body looks and how I feel.

I even "sleep eat" in the middle of the night. Many nights I have gone to the kitchen half asleep and eaten a ton and then in the morning I barely remember doing it but see the wrappers and feel the heartburn and realize what I have done. I really don't know how to stop. I always thought I couldn't stick to a diet because I was lazy and had no willpower.

I haven't talked about my food issues with anyone...ever. I don't know how I could share all this with strangers. Plus I am not ready at all to share this with my husband. I looked up some groups in my area but I am too chicken to go.

Any words of advice would be very helpful. What can I expect if I go to a meeting? Has what I said sound like OA might be needed and might help me?
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2008, 06:21 AM   #2
EACH DAY A NEW BEGINNING!
 
tryingitagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 77

S/C/G: 172/ticker/140

Height: 5'3"

Default

In my humble opinion, yes you shouild go to a meeting...I mean what could it hurt...You have to start takeing care of yourself...otherwise how in the world are you going to be there for your family...they need you.

You should not be afraid of going to a meeting...everyone there has the same issues and problems...you need help to get this under control!! No one is an island, we all need help!!!

Yours seems to be a long pattern and it probably won't be easily broken, reach out for the help you need!!! And your husband, you should be able to share anything with...he is the other half of you....he might not understand if he doesn't have a problem, but it might help if you both know, he just might be able to help you...Of course I don't know what he is like, and only you can make that call....At any rate please get the help you need to get your life under control....you'll be a happier person for it...life is to short to waste in an unhappy situation....I'll keep you in my prayers....Pat
tryingitagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2008, 05:46 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 720

Default

Something to know is that at least in every OA meeting I have been to here in Southern California you are never put on the spot and asked to explain your "problem". There is usually a meeting format of either a topic or reading from program literature and discussion very specifically on topic. The one on one sharing of your struggles with food takes place with a sponsor or people you feel comfortable talking to before, after and between meetings. Most people simply say their name and then "compulsive overeater" as they introduce themselves around the room. NO pressure to pour you guts out or anything. Listen to people and if you identify with them or feel comfortable with them, then YOU pick who you want to talk to. You could sit through a whole meeting and just observe. When the sharing comes to you simply say you are new and that you would like to pass and listen. In my experience, you will encounter nothing but people similar to you who want to "stop the insanity" (not to steal Susan Powter's tagline) Please post back with any questions or issues. Doing this alone has not worked for most of us.

Last edited by tommy : 12-27-2008 at 05:47 PM.
tommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2008, 06:20 PM   #4
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Thanks so much. I think I will try going to a meeting. I really think I need it. There is one next Monday I might go to and several through out the week.

How long are the meetings? I have two little ones and I am sure kids are not welcome so I need to figure out the time that works best to have my husband or someone watch the kids. Are there any fees? Is there a time limit to choose a sponsor? Should I call first for info. or just show up at the meeting?
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2008, 08:13 PM   #5
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

BTW I am not sure what to classify myself as. When I go to a meeting and introduce myself what should I say? I know I am a compulsive overeater but pretty much any time I binge I also make myself purge. I have gotten so "good" at it that I don't even have to use my finger anymore. On a good week I binge and purge maybe once or twice and on a bad week it is multiple times a day.
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 12:40 AM   #6
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 720

Default

2ndChance09- that is great that you are willing to try a meeting. An hour would be typical and yes unless specified as providing day-care- kids are not welcome- just too distracting. I think you are worrying too much. You don't need to label ourself. If you are comfortable with "compulsive overeater" just start with that. As you get to know people and feel more comfortable you can discuss the specifics. There are no rules about getting a sponsor- just highly suggested you get one asap so you can start working the steps. It may all seem confusing in the beginning, but you are not "signing up" for anything. You are just entering a room of people who have a similar issue that is severely impacting their lives. The only thing resembling a fee is when they "pass the basket" and most people put in a dollar or two to cover the cost of putting the meeting on and buying literature. We are with you! Report back.
tommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 12:56 AM   #7
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Thanks so much! I prob. am worrying too much. I think once I actually go to a meeting I will feel a lot better. Thanks again!
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 02:39 AM   #8
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Well I think I have it sorted out. I am going to go to my first meeting next Sat. at 1:30pm. I have already "come out" to two good friends and they were amazingly supportive. Next Sat. after the meeting I am going to talk to my parents about this and then my husband. I really want to get better and I am hoping this will be what I need. I know it will be hard and I am prepared for that.
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 08:06 AM   #9
Senior Member
 
patd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 217

Default

You will do just fine at the meetings. Just say you name if you don't want to add anything that will be accepted. That's what I like about any OA meetings I've been too, you are accepted right where you are at and that is so great even when I'm not accepting myself.

I will be anxious to read your report and I wish you recovery one day at a time. You are already making progress by posting here and that's what we aim for progress not perfection.

hugs,
patd
patd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 11:35 AM   #10
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Thanks so much!
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 02:19 PM   #11
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6

Default

Hi 2ndchance,

I have struggled exactly the same way you have for many many years. It's overwhelming. And this started for me the same way it started with you...

Recently, I went to see a psychiatric nurse practitioner, because I had been reading a great deal about eating disorders, and I've come to understand that they are similar to obsessive compulsive disorders, that they go hand in hand with severe depression, and that some people respond well to SSRIs.

Since I have been suffering with this for so long, I had no point of reference for "normal." I couldn't predict how an SSRI would help me, because I couldn't fathom not having this eating disorder. But, after a long interview -- where I just threw down, and was completely honest about everything, no matter how ashamed I was -- the PNP suggested that I start taking 5 mg of an SSRI.

I was nervous about this, because I had heard so many stories about side effects, about people having to switch medications to get on the right thing... I know that the results I had might not be typical, but I was amazed that after only a couple of days, I was feeling much different.

Here's what it was like: The depression and eating disorder were like a jackhammer in my head, all the time, just pounding out a groove that I couldn't change. This shut it off. You know how sometimes you don't notice how deafening something is until someone shuts it off? That's exactly what I experienced.

My sense is that an eating disorder completely rewires your brain. You lose the ability to read your body's signals ("Am I hungry?" and "Am I full?" don't really mean anything to us. When I would hear people say, "No thanks, I'm not hungry," I always marvelled at that.) I'm finding lately that I can tell when I'm hungry, and don't have a desire to keep eating after I'm full. And I have to tell you, it is very very very weird! Exciting, too!

It's only been a couple of weeks for me so far, but I'm finding that this has popped me out of a groove that I didn't know I was in. It has turned a consuming, unmanageable compulsion into a habit of mind, that I have more control over. You know that completely blind automatic pilot we go on? I have not been on automatic pilot since I started this.

Please note that I am not saying that this will work for you, just because it is helpign me. But, I just wanted to suggest that it is one more option for you to explore in your quest for wellbeing, along with the support group and perhaps one on one couseling with an eating disorder specialist.

I wish you the best and I will be thinking about you. I feel deeply for what you go through. I am 41, and have been living with this for way way too long. It's a lonely thing. Please report back about the OA meeting.
weenser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 02:38 PM   #12
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Thanks so much for your post. I have struggled a lot with anxiety and depression and have been on Zoloft off and on since for the past 9 years. It did help me some but I still binged and purged. 2 months ago I got on Paxil and it hasn't really done anything for me. I still feel the bad anxiety and depression and binge and purge a lot. I think I may need a different anti-depressent. I am going to talk to my Dr. about it.

It is so nice to know I am not alone. I hate that other people have to go through this too but at least now I know I am not a freak. I always thought I was the only person in the world that did this. I know that sounds dumb but after years of my family telling me to just use will power I really thought I was just lazy. Who would choose to binge though, to purge, to eat in secret and feel the shame and guilt. I don't think anyone would do that on purpose. For me food has always been like a drug. It is amazing to me to think that some people have a normal relationship with food and never binge. Since I was a young girl I have binged at least once a week.

Anyway I def. will update when I go to the meeting. Last night I ordered the 12 steps and traditions book from amazon, I am looking forward to reading it!
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 05:28 PM   #13
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 6

Default

Did you tell your doctor that you also have this eating disorder? That might effect the medication that they try. Also, have you been to see a psychiatrist or a psyciatric nurse practitioner? They probably have more experience with this complex little bundle of neuroses that we carry around: depression, eating disorder, anxiety... My PNP started me on Lexapro.

If you've been checking in with your general practitioner about your depression, I'd really suggest stepping this up a little and going to see someone who specializes in treating psyciatric issues with medication. And be prepared to bite the bullet and talk about about the eating disorder, so they know exactly what they are dealing with.

Aside from just the complete humiliation that goes along with this secret we have carried around, purging also does a number on our brain chemistry -- elevating our endorphins.

I also want to reccommend a book to you, called "Body Betrayed" It's about women and eating disorders, and I have found it incredibly insightful.

Be gentle with yourself, OK? Try not to say anything to yourself that you would not say to a friend you love -- or even a stranger you have compassion for. very best...
weenser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 09:00 PM   #14
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Thanks so much for the advice. I have never told anyone about what I do so my Dr. doesn't know. I think I will look into finding a different Dr. and see if I can get some help based on my needs. It sounds dumb but being overweight I always thought I didn't have an eating disorder or otherwise I would be skinny. I didn't realize that if it weren't for all the purging that I have done I would prob. be 300 lbs right now. I have no idea of the internal damage that I have done inside but I know my throat and teeth constantly hurt.

Thanks for the book reccomendation I will check that out.

I am trying to be gentle with myself but I feel like a loser. I feel so out of control and messed up. I wish I could love myself.
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2008, 11:59 PM   #15
Motivated for 2009
 
2ndChance09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: ID
Posts: 575

S/C/G: 240/200/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

Well after a really hard day today of binging and purging I decided I needed to tell my husband. I have felt super depressed and down all day. I told my husband I needed to talk to him. It took me about 30 minutes to get the words out. He was very supportive and told me he will be there for me and will do anything to help me get better. I told him about the OA meetings and he said I should go tomorrow and he will watch our girls. He also said he would go to meetings with me but I told him I didn't think family members were allowed to go?! Anyway it has been a very emotional night but I am very glad I told him. I also called my sister and had a long talk with her. She was very supportive as well and told me to call her anytime and to call her tomorrow after the meeting and tell her how it went. I still feel scared and like I have a long road ahead but for the first time since I started binging and purging I feel like there is hope and now that it is out in the open I can hopefully work hard and recover from this.

Thanks everyone for your awesome support. I will make sure to log on after the meeting and tell you all how it went.
2ndChance09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:51 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2