I wanted to introduce myself now that I've taken the time to read some threads -- and wanted to thank you all for creating a very supportive environment here.
I was a fairly normal kid, weight-wise, born to two overweight parents. My mother especially has struggled with food addiction and obesity for as long as I can remember, and my main motto growing up was "I'll do anything *not* to end up like dear old Mom and Pop." This worked for a while...
Fast-forward to my late 20s and, thanks to a very sedentary job & overall sedentary lifestyle, I found myself carrying around some extra weight for the first time. I'd put about 35-40 extra lbs on my 5'8" frame and was diagnosed with dangerously high cholesterol (mostly hereditary causes). My approaching 30th birthday and wedding were enough motivation for me, however, to join Weight Watchers, lose 45 lbs, and keep it off for about a year.
In the 10 years since, unfortunately, I have gained it all back and more, have been on cholesterol-lowering medications and anti-depressants, have struggled with infertility, gotten divorced, and have chosen to take on the burden of financially and emotionally supporting my parents.
After an auspicious start to 2008 with a free year of gym membership and 24 free personal training sessions (won from a radio station,) my fitness resolutions sputtered to a halt when my dad's mental health -- never great at the best of times -- went haywire in April. The 15 pounds I lost came right back.
My mother had great success with OA in the late 80s. Unfortunately she didn't stay with the program, but still has only the highest praise for it.
I've been to a couple OA meetings, and have a deep-seated feeling it might be the right thing for me.
Your story is so real....I too can remember being a thin kid, always outside playing, biking, eating balanced meals. Jealous of my friends who ate at McD's (I never ate in one until I was mid-teens); had kool-aid w/dinner (while we drank vitD whole milk, by the gallons!). You get the picture. Entered adulthood and made my own money sitting at my desk job. Now I can sit idle in front of my cable tv w/remote (I was the remote as a kid) and order take out and wonder how I gained 100 pounds plus 'overnight'!!!!
i've been thinking a lot lately about how that sense of "deprivation" in childhood -- whether it was not having enough to eat, or not being allowed to eat the same things friends' families got to eat -- really sets us up in adulthood to "get revenge" or to overcompensate.
in my family, it always felt like we were always financially struggling, compared to the other families around us. thank goodness we always had enough to eat, but i often felt deprived of the material advantages my peers had: vacations, nice clothes, braces on my teeth, etc.
as soon as I got my own job, like you, i was ready to start making up for the things i hadn't gotten enough of as a kid. and unfortunately, that included food whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
i keep trying to wake up and be more conscious of the fact that i have what i need, and i don't need to "prove anything" to anybody anymore.
sometimes relative hardship is good for us, i think!!
"in my family, it always felt like we were always financially struggling, compared to the other families around us. thank goodness we always had enough to eat, but i often felt deprived of the material advantages my peers had: vacations, nice clothes, braces on my teeth, etc."
Hello there and welcome!
What you wrote above could have been written by me! We never did without the necessities - we always had food to eat (but we only went out for dinner 1 night a week), we got new clothes for school (but they were not name brand) and even though we had dental insurance, I too, went without braces.
Now, though, it seems more like I use food for avoidance of having to do or face things that are unpleasant. I can't do x because I'm busy eating.
I am starting day 4 of being binge free, and I am praying that I can continue to be successful. After having been overweight from my late elementary school years through my early 30's, I finally managed to lose 130 pounds and kept it off for over 2 years, but at the beginning of this year, I was diagnosed with early stage cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy (thankfully early enough to avoid chemo and radiation), but that was the beginning of the end of my exercise and healthy eating ways - with 6 weeks at home and extreme boredom and loneliness, the old me came back out with a vengeance and has been very reluctant to leave since then!
But day by day...I will do my best to remain binge free - because now it's not so much about becoming thinner as it is about trying to save my life. I cannot continue to live like this, because it's detrimental to my health and well being. And with both of my parents being diabetic, I do not want to be the next one in the chain.
Tonight - IF work does not drain me to exhaustion, I am considering attending my first OA meeting. I have heard remarkable stories from others on here, and think I might finally be ready to face this head on!
I hope you get to go to that OA meeting tonight; and if not, that you (and I!) will make the time ASAP to go to meetings in our respective areas.
I am sending you very very big hugs and support after reading about your successful battle with cervical cancer REALLY glad to hear that it was detected so early, and that you were able to get through without chemo and radiation. WHEW!
I didn't make it to the OA meeting this week. My sister called to ask if I could come over and help her out with some things. So I decided to put the meeting on hold for this week.
Yesterday I had a relapse (I let the work stress get to me a bit too much, and instead of coming to my computer for support, I buried the emotions with food), but this morning I'm more determined than ever to make it an "abstinent" day!
I pray everyone on here has a wonderful, binge free day as well!
I'm new to the board as well (tonight, in fact). So welcome, from a fellow newb!
Stress sends me right for food, as well--regardless of how well I've been doing with eating right and exercising. Good luck to you!
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