I went to an OA meeting in desperation...

[avi0903]

Not sure where to put this. I looked for an OA thread and didn't find one. Anyway, I keep trying to start a new food plan and can't. Every morning I wake up and say today is the day, and then it isn't. I do come here every day, (thank you for being here!) and I do believe if not for you all I would be gaining. So at least I'm staying at the same weight. But how do I lose???

So, yesterday, a friend stopped by on her way to an OA meeting, and she convinced me to go with her. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it. I've done WW meetings, Diet Workshop meetings, private nutritionist meetings. I am happy to say it was amazing! It really spoke to me. The people in the group ranged between very heavy and people who have been abstinent for years. They were warm, welcoming, and understood the suffering that comes from food addiction.

I got the name of a sponsor, spoke to her briefly, and we are supposed to speak later about a food plan.

My problem? Today my kids went out with their father. I was alone in the house. I went out to buy: pizza, ice cream, cheetos and chocolate, all for me. Why??? I spent $60 on food, just for me. I'm sick.

Anyone relate? Anyone know what I should do? Besides lock myself in an institution?

[xYourBelleMortex]

Oh, I can relate alright. My family is none the less - Jerry Springer worthy. I used to handle it by scrounging up all the money i could find in the house and having the food delivered to me. I would order two large subs, but change the way they were made so the people wouldn't judge me and think they were for someone else. I would top those off with a large order of french fries dipped in mayo. I would eat them as fast as I could - and then the other half of one to leave in the fridge so my boyfriend would think i had some left over.

You know, I used to beat myself up, and sometimes continue to do so if the scale doesnt move - but telling yourself today is the day and then not following through only makes you feel worse. You have basically not made that promise to yourself to do it. I kept making that same speech that you are giving yourself for almost six months before that day came when i felt it was here. I compare it to the day i first fell in love - you tell yourself all the other times that it was for real until that one moment arrived and you just knew this was it. I made the excuses, I ate as much as i could muster and I had no idea who I was when I looked in the mirror anymore. What is worse is that my boyfriend, my dogs, my nine year old sister were suffering because of my sickness. i realized how I was poisoning all of these people around me. Yes, i have the days when i want something - including last night when i got a pizza - but dude, did i feel it in the morning. But it was a first time for pizza in almost a month and I only had 2 small slices with a huge salad.

That day will come, until then we are totally here to support you and going to a meeting and talking with people is one of the best things you can do because you arent alone.

I have lost 14 pounds and while it has taken me almost a month and a half to lose it ( I totally want it gone right now) you would not believe the change in how I am holding myself, see myself. It is like there was this person underneath that was dying to come out and shine... i just buried her away under chicken cutlet subs and mayonnaise.

[Sandi]

Avi -

We so have an OA section, so I moved you there, since that's what you are trying.

[avi0903]

Thank you for moving the post to the right location!

So I spoke to a potential sponsor, but I'm not sure how it went. She said the program she works is the "90 day program", which she described as no flour of any kind, no sugar, no artificial sweetener, no caffeine. She said I must commit to 3 live meetings and 2 phone meetings a week, and 3 phone calls to other OA members a day.

This sounds like too much for me. She said she understands and that I should take a day to think about it. She said if she is not the right sponsor for me that's OK. She said for her own recovery, she only takes on people who are going to work the program the way she does. She said there are other sponsors who work a different program.

So I am a little disappointed. I guess I can still do the steps, and go to meetings, and maybe look for a different sponsor.

Anyway, I started the day off OK. I had a bowl of cheerios. I'm planning on tuna for lunch. That's as far as I've planned. I'm thinking meatballs for dinner. Maybe pasta for the kids and I'll have salad.

Thanks for listening.

[marny]

Hi there-

Each sponsor is different as they can only share their own experience, strength, and hope. So, if a sponsor isn't a good fit for you, look for another. Pray about it-- what sponsor does your higher power want for you?