[simplysarahann]

I was OA a year ago, but dropped out. I couldn't pin point ONE kind of food I was addicted to. I am not even sure if I am a food addict. I know I love food, I think about it a lot, I make BAD food choices about halfof the time......I wasn't nearly as extreme as many of the stories I heard in those OA meetings, but I felt I could relate. I just didn't know what food or food group to eliminate. Some people banned sugar for YEARS or bread.....I don't binge eat, but I do eat larger portions than I should. Sometimes I snack out of emotions, but I wouldn't call that a binge.

Any insight?? I tried WW many times, counting calories, I don't know what my problem is. I just felt lost in OA last year, I even had a sponsor, but all she did was talk about herself and her life.....I couldn't get a word in ever, and when I shared details, it's like she wasn't listening.

I appreciate any insight or words of encouragement. Thank you!!

[marny]

Hi there-

A sponsor is supposed to share about herself-- it's her job to share how she lives in recovery and what she has learned. Perhaps you need to stop talking and start listening. Often when we are new to program, we think that we have nothing to learn or that someone else has nothing to offer. However, I've found that the more open I am to learning and growing, the more open I am to recovering.

My sponsor has already learned what I have yet to learn. She has already walked the path that I am heading down. She already knows what it's like to be a compulsive overeater faced with the decisions of how to handle life experiences without eating over them. She really doesn't need to hear about my version of the same story. Instead, I need to hear about how to live a different way-- in recovery abstinently.

Maybe you aren't a compulsive overeater, or maybe you haven't hit bottom. Either you're desperate enough to work the program or you aren't.

[simplysarahann]

Originally Posted by marny

Hi there-

A sponsor is supposed to share about herself-- it's her job to share how she lives in recovery and what she has learned. Perhaps you need to stop talking and start listening. Often when we are new to program, we think that we have nothing to learn or that someone else has nothing to offer. However, I've found that the more open I am to learning and growing, the more open I am to recovering.

My sponsor has already learned what I have yet to learn. She has already walked the path that I am heading down. She already knows what it's like to be a compulsive overeater faced with the decisions of how to handle life experiences without eating over them. She really doesn't need to hear about my version of the same story. Instead, I need to hear about how to live a different way-- in recovery abstinently.

Maybe you aren't a compulsive overeater, or maybe you haven't hit bottom. Either you're desperate enough to work the program or you aren't.

I have been in Alanon before, and my Alanon sponsor did talk about herself IN RELATION to Alanon. This OA sponsor never talked about her story or herself in relation to the program (except that she banned sugar for 11 yrs). She would talk about how it's hard to be a single mother, how her new boyfriend is wonderful and how she was in theater in HS...she would go on and on about mundane everyday things. I have NO PROBLEM listening and learning, if it's relating to the OA program. Maybe I should have been more clear.

Actually I am VERY shy. It takes a lot for me to put myself out there and to open up. So are you telling me I should always be quiet?? I am confused.

[marny]

Hey there-

That's unfortunate that your sponsor wasn't focused on program. No wonder you didn't find her helpful.

Nope, I didn't mean that you should always be quiet. I meant that listening and learning from others takes practice. For most overeaters it's a new skill that we need to diligently work on developing. We start this process by closing our mouths and opening our ears.

Another new skill is that we stop blaming others. I had no idea how much time I spent mentally and verbally blaming others for all my problems. The more time I spent listening to my sponsor, my higher power, and other OAers, the less time I spent blaming.

There are lots of benefits to listening.

[patd]

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with a sponsor but as the saying goes, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, or something like that.

People are human and I forget that. Since I'm a black and white person I also think once I've made a choice I must stay with it ,right or wrong.

You made a choice on who to ask as a sponsor and apparently it didn't work out. You can always kindly tell your sponsor that and ask someone else. Sometimes it will happen that a sponsor will tell a sponsoree that too. We have a common goal and with that in mind everyone will do the best for each other.

I hope this helps and I hope you will give OA another shot. Only you can say if you are one of us but I suggest you attend at least 5 or 6 meetings and listen to the others and share and see if you are one of us. If you have more than one meeting in your area maybe you could try more than one meeting too.

hugs
patd

[simplysarahann]

Thank you Marny and Patd. When my DH returns from his business trip I will go back to OA and give it another shot. It has been a year and I am still stuck where I was a year ago in regards to my eating. Thank you ladies.

[Tanya3586]

Hi SarahAnn
I must say it is a relief to come across these forums. Lately I have come to belive that I am an overeater. I look forward to when I can binge eat on my own with nobody looking. I eat the same amount as everyone else at dinner time and lunch time etc but when I am on my own I eat up to 5 bags of crisps one after the other straight after dinner. I hide all the empty bags so my hubby wont notice. if he knew how much I was eating it would shock him. So I do know what my addictive food is- crisps, popcorn anything salty. I cant have just 1 bag of crisps, it has to be 4 or 5 bags or nothing. I dont even feel hungry but I just have to eat to feel good or something. sometimes I feel so stuffed full I feel sick but I still have to find a way to eat.
Does any of this feel familiar to you? What can I do to help myself?

[PudgieMom]

I have the exact same types of binge foods as you do--crunchy, salty stuff, just calls to me. I have been defining my abstinence in OA as avoiding these binge foods and eating 3 healthy, moderate meals/day. I've found that I cannot eat between meals, because those times are binge times, especially at night after kids have gone to bed. OA has been tremendously helpful to me. I have started to heal physically (over 30 pounds lost), emotionally and spiritually. There is nothing more helpful than the fellowship of other people that suffer from the same compulsive behavior and have found ways to turn their lives around. I wish you the best! If you decide to try OA, please give it a chance with at least a few meetings. The first few can be emotional and feel a bit strange at first--at least they were for me.

[PudgieMom]

Okay--I think I posted the previous reply to the wrong thread--sorry! Obviously OA membership does not automatically confer computer skills.

[Tanya3586]

Dear PudgieMom, thank you for your reply and congrats on the loss of 30 lbs- that is amazing. last nite I ate a massive bowl of salted popcorn right after my dinner even though I wasnt in the least big hungry for them. How have you managed to curb the cravings to eat when you are not hungry?

[JennyG]

I'm so glad I found this forum, I never thought I was OA until I started dieting and realized how much I love foods I can't have and deprived I feel when everyone else can have them and I can't. If I am not around these foods, I am fine, but as soon as everyone else is eating them or whatever I usually fight it, then about 2 days later I end of binging because I am so deprived and I get so upset that I am on a diet and no one else around me is. I plan to check back on this forum often.