a thorough 10th step
Wow. I just finished a 2 page 10th step on what's been bugging me.
I haven't written that much in ... I can't remember. It felt great. I have a new perspective and clarity on what I'm feeling. Why do I resist writing when it helps so much?
An OA friend stayed late last night after the meeting to talk with me. She had questions about her program, but I ended up talking my heart out about me. (uhhhh...don't know how much that helped her)
One of the clear character defects that came through in my 10th step is my raging ego. I've got a serious "I'm special" thing going on. I've also got this belief that everyone else should notice how special I am. After the meeting last night, we went to coffee as usual, and I just couldn't let anyone talk about anything without sharing how I could relate with an example. I had to be a part of everything. No one could tell a story and just let it be about them. Wow, that's obnoxious. I don't want to be around someone like that-- how annoying. How is that being humble, loving, and listening?
I've got some practicing to do. I've got to retrain my brain and take the focus off of me, me, me. I'm need a lot of help from God-- can't do it myself. AND, I need the help of my sponsor.
I have been resisting calling my sponsor. Again-- my ego. I've been feeling like I don't need one, don't want one, don't want to do what she says, don't want to hear her opinion. It's clear now that I thought that I knew everything and didn't need any help. Well, I don't and I do.
So, I see some big breakthroughs. Now, I need to follow through with calling my sponsor. That feels like a mile high wall that I have to climb. The exercise will be good for me.