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Out of control

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Old 01-01-2008, 07:07 PM   #1
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Default Out of control

I use food as a crutch. I use food to cure boredom. I eat b/c it sounds good. I eat b/c it sounds good. I eat b/c it is there. I need help. I admitted to my Dr. yesterday that I was binging. I told him I had found a OA group, but it was a lie. I had thought about it, but I had not. Today I signed up on 3FC and what do I find, this group. I lost my brother in law 7 months ago to a horrible accident. Since then I have went from 213 to 241. I had been doing really good loosening, but I gave it all up when he passed. I am now morbidly obese, and I have to stop this. I have to stop eating until I feel the need to vomit. I will eat until I am going to be sick, then I will wait till that feeling passes, and I will eat again. I never give myself a break. I eat and I cry while I am doing it. If I want m&ms, I get the large bag, not the one in the checkout lane, but the one in the baking lane. Then I eat till they are gone.

Today, I have managed to pace myself pretty good. I ate some pimento cheese and crackers, then I realized I had eaten more than enough. I put them away. At lunch, we made a frozen pizza. I ate 2 pieces, then I stopped. Before I would have eaten 3/4 of it. Then I did not eat again until dinner, and then I had smoked sausage and sour kraut. I had a reasonable portion, and then I put the bowl away, and drank a bottle of water.

I know I can do this, if I take it one day at a time.
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Old 01-01-2008, 07:19 PM   #2
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Hi Tanya I know how you feel. I have about 80 to loose and just signed up as well. I am making my list of meals for the week and have told the household this is the year I am loosing. We CAN do this.
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Old 01-01-2008, 07:48 PM   #3
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Hi, TaterbugTwins! I'm so proud of you - you have taken two enormous steps. One was admitting that you had a problem, and the second was showing yourself that you can NOT overeat.

I am so sorry for your loss This forum is amazing for support, and even though I am not a member of OA, reading on this forum has helped me so much. I hope that it helps you find what you need to turn things around. 2008 is a brand new year, and it has so much potential.

I just wanted to say and give you a big Best wishes!
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Old 01-02-2008, 12:03 AM   #4
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Welcome Taterbug. This is so painful and complicated. If there are OA meetings in your area I encourage you to go. This site is wonderful, but real life people sharing their experience, strength and hope add alot. Don't be afraid of going to a meeting. It is not like going to weight watchers with the getting weighed, and the signing up. You just go and listen. Share if you want to or not. Wishing you the best.
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Old 01-02-2008, 08:32 AM   #5
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Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.

I know exactly how you feel or at least pretty much so. I just lost a br-in-law to cancer after a year of suffering. I ate myself up the scale again and finally got sick enough to reach out for help. He is very missed as he was also a great friend.


We can do together what we cannot do alone.


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Old 01-02-2008, 09:46 AM   #6
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Thanks everyone.

Tommy- the closest meeting is 35 min away, and I have no way there. I just had a bone transplant 2 months ago, so I can not drive or walk. I would love to go to a meeting though.
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Old 01-02-2008, 10:09 AM   #7
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Well, I just poured out my heart to you fellow sufferers and then lost the message! Oh well -- isn't that how life is for many of us these days? I so often envy folks who can deal with life's ups (and downs) without getting so depressed -- AND without overeating and binging. I also don't have an OA meeting anywhere within 70 miles of me (I've checked dozens of times) -- so I try to tough it out on my own. Having you guys to share with, however, is a great comfort. PS -- I haven't changed my ticker weight in several weeks -- but I've gained around 10 pounds. I promise I WILL change the ticker -- just to keep myself honest with you.
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Old 01-06-2008, 07:47 PM   #8
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(((hugs))) sorry about your loss! Look on the OA site for online and phone meetings!
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:27 AM   #9
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Hi taterbug, I just joined this website too and I can really identify with the binging until your sick, then the wait to feel better and then the binge again. I think I do this out of boredom but you know I too suffered a loss recently, and perhaps I am eating to fill the void. I did this yesterday all afternoon and evening and slept between binges. This morning I am going to the gym and will try very hard to not binge today. Good luck to you, colleenj2
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Old 02-08-2008, 12:39 AM   #10
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Hi Sweetie,

I am bipolar as well. It's not easy, is it??? Gratefully, my meds are stable, I've lost the 40 lbs. I had gained, and I've been Lifetime at Weight Watchers now for over 2 years. Life is SO MUCH better for me, and I feel very grateful. There is hope, dear friend!!! I'm a NASM Certified Personal Trainer, and would like to suggest that you try exercising from a seated position. (A search for "chair aerobics" on the internet, perhaps???)

I just want to send you a BIG HUG and pray that things have already begun looking up for you!!!

With much loving friendship,

Diana
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Old 02-27-2008, 07:50 PM   #11
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Im new to this online forum stuff and something happened that I never thought would. Im all teared up from reading Taters post!! I my self have been a on again off again closet eater. I hide the fact Im eating donuts on my break by eating them in the bathroom!! And believe me there is more..Hearing Tater say everything she said out loud made me realize that I have NEVER told anyone those things or really even admitted to my self how dissapointed in myself I am when I do it.

Tater I think that just ADMITTING that you have food issues is an amazing start. No matter what anyone says it takes a STRONG person to admitt that something isnt right and try to fix it. Hats off to you and dont lose hope!! Until today I never knew there was any such thing as OA.

We'll get our groove back one step at a time..
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Old 02-27-2008, 07:54 PM   #12
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I can sympatize with all you guys. I suffer from Obsessive compulsive disorder and until recently I never made the connection between it and the over eating, kinda silly huh?? I mean it was soooo obvious!! I will definitly be on her for support in the up coming weeks. I go to the doc to talk to him about going back on meds soon. Not looking forward to the side effects but the constant crying and anxiety had got to stop
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Old 02-28-2008, 12:25 AM   #13
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Hey there neurotictigg-

Welcome-- and I'm glad that you've found us. Tearing up at a post means that you can relate, and that's the awesome thing about this forum. We understand each other and support each other.
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Old 02-28-2008, 09:55 PM   #14
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Its funny, you try to talk to your friends casue they love you and want to understand. But if they arent overweight they can not possible know what its like to walk by a cute guy and immediatley think "forget it hes so out of your league..cause he wouldnt want to be with someone as big as me" among other things..
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Old 02-28-2008, 10:52 PM   #15
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That's right. I can relate to another compulsive overeater, but I can't necessarily relate to how a crack addict feels. I'm in AA, but my fellow AAers don't "get" compulsive overeating. I've learned that non OA folks don't understand, and so I have to get my support from people who do. I still love non OA people, I just don't expect them to provide support in ways that they can't.
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