However.....even though I didnt binge, or eat anything I wasnt suppose to. I still filled my belly to extremely full, with water. It seemed to satisfy that urge to eat until I was overfull. So, I still see this a mini failure....even though it wasnt food, it was still an old habit done with water to make myself get to where I needed to be to calm down.
It was 730pm, the next meeting was at 8, and I was at least a 1/2 hr drive from it. I was also in my comfies and in for the night. So I would have had to get dressed again. I dont have phone numbers yet of other OA members, so I couldnt call anyone. I didnt go.
However, my husband seen me looking at the meeting listing and asked if I was ok. I told him no....and he offered to help. Well I really didnt know how to ask for help. How do you ask for help when you are craving food? How do you put into words what you want. I told him I wanted him to take it all away(the crap in my head). I had my fill of water, had my cup of tea, and I was ok. Im alright this morning as well.
What would you have done? or What have you done in this circumstance?
I am not looking for someone to tell me what to do, but someone to share. To help me deal with this when it gets out and out insane in my head. Last night was relatively easy....it gets so much worse. I want to be better prepared when that happens.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't cheat. There is nothing wrong with filling yourself up with water if it helps you to stay on track. It's a great strategy. If it were me, I probably would have caved and had at least a little bit of the food, I don't think the water would have curbed the desire for the other stuff, even if I did feel full. Way to go for getting through a tough situation without giving in! Give yourself a pat on the back for your strength and willpower and try to stay positive!!!
There are lots of tools that we use in OA when we are out of our minds crazily obsessed with the thought of food. Here is how I use these tools:
plan of eating-
I follow a food plan that works in conjunction with my abstinence. I follow the plan even when I don't want to. I don't make good decisions about food, so I take the power of decision away-- I commited to a food plan long ago, and I keep that commitment rather than making decisions in the moment.
sponsorship-
I call my sponsor. I do what she tells me to. She is my accountability partner. When I am having a hard time-- that is the most important time to call her. She gives me an outside perspecitve, program direction, and helps me to begin thinking clearly again.
meetings-
I go to two OA meetings and one AA meeting every week. If I'm having an expecially tough time, I find another meeting. AA open meetings are available to anyone who needs some program. AA's 12 steps are the same as ours-- and there is often a lot of recovery to be found at those meetings.
telephone--
I call people. I ask for phone lists at meetings. If they don't have one, then I ask for numbers. Talking to someone who understands your disease can help you to feel connected and supported. I find that when someone calls me, it helps me a lot, so I don't feel bad about calling others. I make the call before I take the first bite. You can call from grocery store parking lots, restaurant bathrooms, pot lucks... anywhere.
writing--
When I write about what I'm feeling, or an event that is troubling me, I see it much clearer. I usually find that once it's written down, it's not as big a deal as when it was in my head cycling round and round. It helps me figure out why I want to eat at the moment.
literature--
I keep OA books in my house and in my car. The Big Book, the 12 &12, Abstinence, For Today, Overeaters Anonymous...all of these can bring relief when my head is buzzing, and I'm obsessing over food.
anonymity--
This reminds me that no one is more important than another. When I need help from someone-- I'm going to them as a fellow compulsive overeater. What they do with the rest of their day doesn't matter. It also helps me remember that there are lots of other people out there with the same disease as me. Just because they aren't walking around with T-Shirts on that say "Honk if you want to eat all the time" doesn't mean they aren't there. So, it helps me to NOT see myself as someone with bigger problems, more needs, that no one understands what I'm going through. Quite the contrary-- there are lots of people who feel exactly the same way-- I only need to reach out to them.
service--
Service helps me get out of my own head. Instead of my thoughts being about me, me, me. I'm sharing, loving, and helping others. It helps keep me abstinent, humble, sharing the message, and I learn better skills about getting along with others. So, if I want to eat, I can choose instead to give service-- I forget about the food.
That as you work your program how you deal with these kinds of situations will change as you evolve.
That is the main thread I got out of the Abstinence book. Abstinence itself will be evolving as you are evolving. For example, when I first began practicing my program I would have a line of 7 two liter diet sodas lined up in my pantry---one for each day of the coming week. As long as I could see them there I felt "okay". As time went on, that loosened its grip on me and then I noticed that during times of high stress, again I need to see that line of diet sodas jugs in a row. Obviously, it means that I am not looking to my HP at these times but it a habit and it takes a long time to break.
The main thing is your "willingness" ---that is all you need. To be willing to change......
I too am having a very hard time with any kind of abstinence so I printed off the list too and said a prayer that I will use them today.
Today is the first day that I really feel committed to abstinence as I understand it today so with the help of the tools, meeting, and my Higher Power I shall get through one minute at a time.
What would you have done?
All good stuff but I would add....
