tonight i'm going to my second OA meeting. i'll admit that it was both incredibly hard for me to go last week in the first place and incredibly comforting to me that i went. comforting to know that there really are people dealing with this other than me.
i've been feeling too down to do much - the past two weeks have been possibly my worst as far as binging, and i briefly considered blowing off tonight's meeting, but i'm determined to go.
i really feel that i need to ask someone to be my sponsor, but even if there's someone there tonight that i could ask, i'm incredibly uncomfortable approaching people. i feel especially bad because the few ladies i met last week who were willing to be sponsors already had sponsees, and i feel like i'd be asking them to take on too much.
how did those of you who have sponsors connect with yours?
It's totally normal to be a bit nervous about going to the meeting. I have a sponsee who has 60 days of abstinence, and she still gets a topsy turvy tummy before meetings. It makes sense-- At meetings we look inside ourselves, at our feelings, at our actions, at our addiction. It's uncomfortable to do that. It's even more uncomfortable to think about sharing that information at a meeting. As we work the steps and work through that yucky stuff, we have less fear of things including meetings.
Program teaches us to take care of our own business not other people's. If someone told you that they were available to sponsor, then that's all you need to know. They know whether they are doing too much or not-- it's not your job to figure that out for them.
Asking someone to be your sponsor is hard and a little scary. From my experience, the feelings are similar to asking someone on a date. You are putting yourself out there knowing that there's a possablility of rejection or it not working out as you had hoped.
Doing what we need to to get recovery, even when it's scary, new, or hard, is a big part of this program. It gets easier. It gets better. It even gets fun.
Iris--I wasn't sure OA was for me after my first meeting. My second meeting really made it clear to me that I needed the program and the support.
After my first meeting, I binged for a week straight. I think it was caused by feeling sad that my life had come to the point where I needed a 12 step program for my food addiction. In retrospect, I'm so thankful to my HP that I found this program. I see now that there is no shame in needing help.
After that week of bingeing and my 2nd meeting, I just decided to be abstinent. I knew I needed to be so if I wanted the program to work. All the bingeing and food obsessing just clutters your mind and makes you unable to work the program.
I'm only 23 days into abstinence and most days I feel great. I try to go to a meeting or two per week. I have a sponsor and speak with her daily. I do my writing assignments. I try to give some service at meetings (stacking chairs, welcoming newcomers). I'd love to do more, but I'm still so new at this.
I definitely recommend getting a sponsor. Mine sort of fell into my lap. She asked me after the meeting if I needed one and I said yes. I honestly didn't think she would work out for me. I immediately formed judgements about her based on her age, looks, etc. Boy was I wrong! She's nurturing when I need it and pushes me when I need to be pushed.
Just trust that your HP will guide you to find the sponsor that you need right now. It may not wind up being someone for the long term, but it will be what you need right now.
marny, you're definitely right about it being almost like asking someone out on a date... and also i'm glad you pointed out that if someone is offering to be a sponsor it's not my judgement call to say they're too busy.
ann, i think i've been binging more since going to my first meeting as well. there's something to me about admitting that i'm out of control - BUT i'm working on that. congrats on your 23 day-abstinece, by the way - keep it up!! i agree that i need to find a sponsor. i didn't ask anyone last night, but i wrote down two people's numbers. one of them is an older lady who i think i might ask. i talked to her for awhile after the meeting. i think i made a hasty judgement because she is so much older than me and in such a different place in life - but she might be a great person as a sponsor.
thanks for the encouragement.
also, as an aside - i avoided my usual wednesday binge traps this morning! so far so good... =)
I'm proud of you for going to another meeting. Just walking in the door can be near impossible. You did it.
It's totally normal to look at potential sponsors with a set of ideas and pre-conceived notions. It helped me to remember that I wasn't picking out a mate, a friend, an employee, or a boss. I was choosing someone who worked a solid program, was abstinent, and was living in recovery. The rest doesn't really matter. What they look like, their age, their religion, their politics, their job, their marital status...none of that applies. What I was looking for was someone who was free from the obsession with food-- and would share with me how they got there.
Have you prayed for God's will in your choosing a sponsor?
Iris--Sounds like you're making progress already (avoiding the typical Wednesday bingeing). Have you thought about what abstinence would mean for you? That might be a good first step. I took a few days to write and think carefully about what foods and conditions lead me to eat compulsively. My abstinence involves not eating those trigger foods (sugar mostly!) and avoiding those conditions that lead to bingeing. I'm still ironing out the kinks.
My sponsor is also much older, but she's been in OA for something like 33 years and she knows the program and lives it. I have to admit that it's also been nice to have someone maternal helping me out. I originally thought that I'd want a younger person, but my sponsor winds up to be just what I need.
Sounds like your intuition is leading you to that particular lady. Picking up the phone is the hardest part. Give her a call. Tell her you really want to get going with the program and that you're still struggling with bingeing. Ask her for advice/help. If you get a good vibe from that, ask her if she's got availability to sponsor you.
As Marny said, the most important thing is that they have a solid program (I think at OA they say, find someone who has what you want and ask them how they got it). You also need to make sure that they have the time to sponsor.
Best wishes. It sounds to me like you're well on your way...
i do need to pray about finding the right sponsor - sometimes i really do forget that my mind can't analyze everything forever. sometimes i have to let go.
i still have the phone #'s i wrote down tuesday night, and i'm still uncomfortable to call. i had one good day (weds) and now two binge days, and i know i need the support. making plans and committing them only to my journal clearly does not suffice.
Yep, gotta let go. Let God.
I commit my abstinence and my food plan to God and to my sponsor. I can't do this myself. I need all the tools of the program. I need to not be in control. I need help.
second meeting jitters?
