the binge monster was under the bed the whole time...
It's been a long, long time, and to be truthful, I'm not on WW, but I was, and this was always my fave forum. Though, as much as I loved you all, and loved this site, I was more than happy to leave it behind, as I had left behind the nasty bingy habits, left behind the 15 niggling lbs, left behind the constant obsession about food.
The thing that always sat there, though, was that I never knew how it happened. I went away one summer, during which time my lifestyle was conducive to excellent weight loss, but somehow, for the following year, everything was peachy! Despite the fact that I worked at restaurants and therefore ate a whole lot of trash, and drank a whole lot of beer, I guess that while I wasn't working, I wasn't really eating, and I guess that I walked around a lot, too. But most importantly, I ate when I was hungry, and I stopped when I was full.
In the past month, I've moved back to my home state to work with my father as a mental health counselor. My future feels...I don't know what. It's not the best. Between the global news and my personal lack of direction, I'm having a hard time with optimism. And I have been in major binge mode the past few days, and it is really not a welcome change. I'm so damn sad. With every bite, I tell myself it's going to be the last bite...but then an hour passes, and I'm back to attacking the fridge. It's a slippery slope, I know this, and I want to move back to Boston and get my old life back, the one where I confindently wore a size 4 and didn't worry if I ate french fries, because I knew i WANTED those french fries, and that I would have an apple later, when I WANTED an apple. I ate like those normal women we all envy. But today, I had to unbutton my fly while doing work at my desk.
I fear the scale, as I have never trusted the scale anyway (do i really need a scale to tell me that this kind of eating is unhealthy?), so I'm probably not going to jump on it. I'm just so frustrated with everything, EVERYTHING, and I'm getting back to my eating in order to cope.
Thanks for the venting space. I hope it helps. Good luck to all of you on WW!!!
Short Term Goal: 130 by 1/30