I think I may have finally broken out of over 200. I'm sooooo excited about it. I was actually pretty nervous about finally lowering my ticker to 198. I do bounce around a few pounds usually. But I've spent the last few days at around 198! It's been a long 6 months since I started this full on journey. I definitely wasn't consistent with everything until about May. And then it clicked more and more. I had finally gotten to around 218. Finally the crappy food wasn't as important anymore. The exercise started to not hurt quite as much. And I wasn't bouncing around the same 10 pounds anymore. My clothes were looser and I started getting rid of my 22/24s that I've been in for so long. Since I was around 23. Once I finally started to understand what the benefits are and really started to believe that this was possible with hard work then I was able to motivate myself to work harder.
I think a few things contributed. I fight hypothyroidism (Hashimotos) and I'm bipolar with depression. But my doctors, I think, found the right cocktail. Suddenly the fog started lifting. Things were getting easier. And through therapy I've been working on not making my career my life. And then came the man. It's a very casual work friend. But we chat and we get along really well. And I just love talking to him. It's been so long since a man has seemed to just be interested in talking to me and showing me attention. And I think I started to recognize that I'm 36 and I'm tired of being alone. I don't really know where or if it's going to go anywhere with him. I would like to explore the possibility, but I'm not sure if he's interested in me that way. But I think just the general interest has been helping. And while I'm not doing this specifically for him I realized that I don't want to feel that weight is a factor anymore in finding someone to spend time with. Maybe I could have found a man at my high weight. But I don't think I had the self-confidence and self-esteem to make it happen. I hid so much of myself. And now that I'm losing some weight things seem possible. I realize that I do have a lot to offer someone and I want to do that. I'm so lonely and just want to have deep conversations and to be touched and loved by someone. And now I think that maybe it's possible again.
I still have a pretty hard journey left to go. I go to the gym every day that I can and I've upped my 30 minutes on the treadmill to 60 minutes which is amazing. I don't even look at 30 minutes anymore as if I'm done. And I'm so proud of that. But I am concerned that my motivation will wane and I'll fall back into the same habits. It is hard and I am tired a lot of the time. But I want to keep pushing. It's just a slow and long tedious process. But at least I have some hope now.
Sorry this was so long. I finally get to write my mini-goal post! I'm so happy to finally be done with the 200s (hopefully for good). Now to just keep pushing forward....
Sweat Pea from Sucker Punch - "Who honors those we love with the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we'll never die? Who teaches us what's real, and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live, and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us, and who holds the key to set us free? It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!"