It just didnít grow. I waited and waited and waited, with the despair deepening with each passing month. I was a freak.
As an overweight teenager struggling with their appearance, I didnít know then that I was suffering from Polandís Syndrome. A rare congenital condition which generally affects the chest and hand muscles on the right side of the body. I had no symptoms until my right breast failed to develop.
I couldnít tell anyone and found comfort in food. In a strange way this helped to hide my problem as my body distorted further into a blob like form. Eventually, I confided in my mother, saw a plastic surgeon and had corrective surgery to initially insert an expander and then a breast implant.
Despite this surgery, I have always struggled with my femininity, convincing myself that I couldnít be a real woman as I didnít develop properly. Outwardly I may have appeared very confident and assured, but internally I fought a daily battle with accepting myself and my physical shortcomings. Unfortunately, society judges women so much by their appearance that I felt I could never let down my barricade and would never allow myself physical relationships.
As time passed, my confidence grew and I wanted to tackle my weight problem. After years of yo-yo dieting, I saw that as soon as I reached a certain weight I would quickly regain it all and more. I realised that once I started losing weight from my ďrealĒ left breast I stopped the diet as it returned me to my teenage state of different sized breasts. I had to make the decision Ė did I want to stay overweight or lose weight and have corrective surgery again to reduce the implant to the size of my now reduced breast?
I choose the latter.
I lost about a stone and a half prior to joining this site and have continued to lose steadily since then. All of you on this forum have been counsellors, supporters and inspirations in ways youíll never realise. While Iím not yet at my target weight, I have reached a weight that I havenít seen since school years and one that Iím happy to have surgery at. My operation is scheduled for next week.
Everyone here has their own story and each of us is winners in our own way. This journey has allowed me to grow and challenge myself in ways I didnít think possible. Make the hard decisions, Iím glad I did.
Thanks for sharing your stories; it has helped to make mine.