I don't even know what to say. A year ago on Dec. 20 I decided I needed to start walking. I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas alone and I realized that having someone in my life was important to me. I didn't think anyone could love what I had done to myself. I was depressed for 2 years before that. I didn't get off the couch. One of those years I spent 1 week away from my apartment. Rock bottom was pretty much hit at that point.
Before, I was social, even if big. Those 2 years though, destroyed my metabolism, self esteem, and dignity. I had friends who barely knew me. I hid everything about myself, mainly. They were all online friends, so it was fairly easy. I played video games with them, talked to them all the time. I lived with a guy, who was supposed to be my boyfriend. Every day he came home, sat at his computer and didn't even notice that I was slowing trying to kill myself. I felt like I could never forgive him for it. But, a year later, I've forgiven him and we are friends.
I had two friends that I let in. They were online friends, but I finally just told someone. One of them is my best friend. He's seen me at my worst, seen me at my best. He's been support when I felt like nothing else could be support. I told him about making myself throw up, and it helped to just have someone listen.
Maybe none of these things are the right thing to say, but I've lost 90 pounds, and I never thought I could do that. Now I feel unstoppable. I finally got a job, I love it. I got my license. I am saving money and soon I'll get to go visit my mom. All things that I never thought I'd do, I'm doing. Its like I got my life back.
Either way here's my picture. I posted it on facebook first, because I felt like of all the people who deserved to know and see it, my family did. I live really far away from them, so sadly, facebook is mostly our way of talking.
Updated - May 13, 2012