Originally Posted by kaplods
I've been trying to lose weight for most of my life (since my parents put me on my first diet when I was in kindergarten), and mostly failing - mainly because I followed the ineffective patterns I was taught (not by any indivual - but by our entire culture).
I don't think my failure to succeed had anything to do with my motivation, my willpower, or any mental or emotional shortcoming. I failed because all of my role models failed, so failure was built into the system.
While lip service is paid to permanent change, we don't see many people making permanent changes, and we don't treat people as if we expect the changes to be permanent.
When we get close to our goal weight (and often way before then) - people ask us whether we're "done yet."
"You're not still on a diet, are you?"
"Why are you still eating salads, you don't need to lose any more weight?"
"Come on, have some cake, one piece won't hurt..."
There have been thousands (if not millions) of diet books written in the past century - and I've read hundreds of them (maybe even a thousand), but I've only read two on maintenance (Refuse to Regain is the only title I remember - and it's a fabulous book).
Weight Watchers and TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) both stress life-long "forever" participation, recognizing and rwearding maintenance status. For WW - lifetime membership priviledges, and TOPS with it's KOPS status (keeping off pounds sensibly) and yet, you rarely see the maintainers in the group meetings. The "lifers" are conspicuously absent.
We rarely see the long-term maintainers. Is it because no one ever maintains or is it because as a society we believe that once you reach goal, you don't need help any more? Or is it that once you reach goal, you should go into hiding and never admit to anyone that you ever had a weight problem?
I don't know, I just know that most of what I learned was wrong, and I had to relearn everything.
And one of the things I learned was that I wasn't going to make any more temporary changes. I wasn't going to decide that maintenance was one of those situations in which I'd "cross that bridge when I come to it." I decided I already was on that bridge - that maintenance had to be my goal from the very beginning.
For me, that meant making only changes I was willing to commit to forever, whether or not they resulted in weight loss. Taking that burden off my back has been extraordinary. I don't feel tempted to quit anymore, because there's nothing to quit.
For me, it meant taking every trace of shame out of weight loss. I have absolutely no reason to feel shame for needing, asking, and reaching for help. I'm not "bad" when I don't succeed. And not losing or losing slowly is not failure (it's successful maintenance).
In our culture small or slow losses or stalls are seen as failures every bit (or nearly) as bad as weight gain - so we think "if I'm going to fail anyway, I might as well get to eat what I want."
I'm not afraid of regaining anymore, because I've finally completely grasped the "forever" aspect, and I've embraced shamelessness. I've decided that I will attend my TOPS meeting every week forever. I'm looking forward to acheiving KOPS status - and I'm not going to give up that support system (or this one here at 3FC either) ever. I'm also never going to accept shame ever again.
Shame kept me from seeking and accepting help "forever." I'm no longer afraid to admit that I need and want help forever.
|
