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How do you feel when women post they Don't want to lose weight because of men?

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Old 01-18-2014, 10:15 AM   #1
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Default How do you feel when women post they Don't want to lose weight because of men?

I have seen these posts many times all across 3FC. First I want to say how people feel is how they feel. I would never say it wasn't real.

The posts go more or less like this. I am uncomfortable when I lose weight because I get more attention from men. Sometimes the poster also says they want more attention from men.

I will not lie. It often seems like a rationalization to me. I told my wife about these posts last night and she was like what? It was bizarre to her.

At first I almost get offended by them. I am not saying that is the correct reaction, but it is my first honest reaction. C'mon men aren't that bad. But then I start feeling sad that women feel that way. Feelings are feelings. I can not say they are 'wrong'. It is just how some people feel.

So yeah they make me feel offended but then also sad. And how I feel is how I feel it takes NOTHING, it means NOTHING to the original posters. How they feel is how they feel.

But I hope for most it is not a major reason. And that it can be overcome. Having someone be unhealthy and possibly develop major diseases because of bad experiences with men? I guess ultimately no matter what my initial reactions, in the end that is just sad.

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Old 01-18-2014, 10:59 AM   #2
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Part of the reason why I am losing weight, is for my husband. He married a petite woman and I think it is not fair that I have gotten this big. I was his "type" when I married him; if he had wanted to marry a chunky girl he could have chosen someone else.... I am sure I get all sorts of crap for my reasons, ugh.

My husband does love me for me, and has never complained about my fuller figure, but I know that deep down he would find me more attractive if I was smaller.

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong doing part of your weight loss for someone else.
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Old 01-18-2014, 01:35 PM   #3
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Wow, it never occurred to me that women said this. I guess luckily I never had any experience that would make me think that.

Which is not to say I was always comfortable and/or courted attention from men because I tended to be shy and I would thwart it citing feeling not worthy or a desire to not want to be "measured" in that way. Now, of course, I wish I could go back; but there is still a lot of that person left inside of me. I'm just older now and married and wanting to flirt for the sake of flirting now that there's no expectations. They say to keep flirting with your husband; but, honestly, we never did flirt in the same way.

In the mirror, I still see that "girl" but that's not what other people see and I wish they could. So, yeah, partly I want to lose weight because OF men but it's an overall desire of wanting to feel good about myself and my body and my health. I will never be an entirely new woman.

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Old 01-18-2014, 01:40 PM   #4
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I lost weight for me and strictly for me and my health.
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Old 01-18-2014, 01:53 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sum38 View Post
Part of the reason why I am losing weight, is for my husband. He married a petite woman and I think it is not fair that I have gotten this big. I was his "type" when I married him; if he had wanted to marry a chunky girl he could have chosen someone else.... I am sure I get all sorts of crap for my reasons, ugh.

My husband does love me for me, and has never complained about my fuller figure, but I know that deep down he would find me more attractive if I was smaller.

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong doing part of your weight loss for someone else.
I personally love the attention from anyone that notices I have loss weight. It's a feeling of satisfaction, that I am doing something right.

I agree with Sum My husband and I have known each other most of our lives. He has seem me at 128 and probably smaller and at 220. He has never complained about my weight but in the same aspect I know that he would prefer that I be that slender woman that he was attracted to and fell in love with. He'd be lying if he said he wouldn't want that. I would love for him to gain weight but he just can't seem to, so we have to love each other as we are.
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Old 05-31-2014, 04:44 PM   #6
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I find this so interesting because honestly for awhile, I was one of those gals who was afraid of the attention from guys. But, I've started doing online dating and it actually feels very nice when a guy messages me and calls me sexy. I was scared of that, but now I kind of welcome the attention from guys and I hope I continue to lose weight for my health.

Thanks for this post.
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Old 05-31-2014, 05:22 PM   #7
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Some women don't want attention because they felt rejected when they were heavier and never manage to feel comfortable with the turnaround. When I was thin and unmarried, I bought myself a ring to help fend off unwanted attention, which could be quite intrusive and unwelcome.

Even without that baggage (which I do have), attention can be scary. At the extreme end, there's the California shooter who felt entitled to female attention whose murder spree of would have been much worse if someone at the sorority had answered the door.

ETA: here's a RW example of scary attention posted earlier today:
Concerned about safety
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Old 05-31-2014, 05:25 PM   #8
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maybe it would make more sense if you'd been raped.

just a thought. ask me how i know!
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Old 06-03-2014, 02:18 PM   #9
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Read my original post. It just made me very sad about the situation if this was happening to people. Certainly not questioning anyone feeling that way.

I was just hoping it wasn't true. But it seems like it is.
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Old 06-03-2014, 02:30 PM   #10
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diamondgeog, I am a woman so I obviously don't know how you feel but I imagine being a man hearing these thigns it IS saddening.

Not sure if you're privy to the recent "hashtag phenomenon" of #YesAllWomen (sprouting from the young virgin who went on a killing spree a few weeks ago).

To put it simply, Not All Men, but Yes All Women.

Not all men cat call/discriminate/say sexist or hurtful things to women (especially about their body), but ALL women have experienced it.

And along those lines, I personally experience those comments and cat calls MORE OFTEN the smaller I am. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm getting off topic, but it's been on my mind lately. It's never encouraged me to not lose weight, but it does encourage me to dress differently than I'd like.
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Old 06-03-2014, 02:36 PM   #11
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And I think that hashtag is ridiculous. Count me as a non-woman, apparently, because I've never experienced any sort of discrimination or sexism for being a woman. Ever. Unless you count being teased in grade school which was par for the course. I've seen far more discrimination for obesity than anything related to a pair of breasts, and think feeding the victim mentality among women and overemphasizing the sexual proclivities of men does nothing to actually help discourse or civility in our culture.

As for women not wanting to lose weight and get sexual attention from men, it happens but is more common in some age groups and demographics than others. For me it's never been a problem, like Sum I'm actually losing weight for the benefit of my wonderful husband as much as for myself. I've never been harassed or victimized over it. Apparently I just run in the last remaining circle of courteous, self controlled, respectful men and modest, self controlled, respectful women.
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Old 06-03-2014, 09:09 PM   #12
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And I think that hashtag is ridiculous. Count me as a non-woman, apparently, because I've never experienced any sort of discrimination or sexism for being a woman. Ever.
Wow, Alaska must be very different from where I've lived. I've been harassed when both thin and heavy by several strangers out of the blue. When heavy, I've been made fun of in ways that I'm sure don't happen to men but that doesn't compare to what happens when thin. When thin, I've been cat-called repeatedly (to be fair, I passed a construction site regularly), had a lewd suggestion made to me at a gym, was cycling in a nice suburb with a friend of mine when some passenger leaned out of a car and grabbed at us (missed me, but managed to contact my friend's tush), had a guy pull over supposedly to ask for directions, and it took me a while to realize he was masturbating while I was talking, and had numerous more uncomfortable encounters on subways and on sidewalks (staring, etc, but nothing to write home about).

I haven't had any issues lately; these all happened when I was much younger. Like the hashtag, I'm not trying to say "all men." I am happily married to a very nice man who would never dream of doing anything of the sort (in fact I was already married to him during some of those events).
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Old 06-03-2014, 09:40 PM   #13
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It's not Alaska, it's the people I associate with - Christ is the difference, not culture.

Out and about over the years I've had the occasional moo or catcall - but that isn't sexism or discrimination, it's one person being an idiot. Conflating every rude behavior with something as serious as true sexual harassment, where someone is threatened with violence against their person? The former doesn't affect my self perception, my value, or womanhood, and it doesn't have a bearing on my conduct. I'm no victim and won't claim it for something as silly and little as someone else lacking a filter - that diminishes the severity and impact of a true claim to personal injury from the actions of another.

Quite frankly every man I'm around regularly is respectful and honorable - they know they answer to God for the thoughts of their hearts and words of their mouths and that has a restraining effect on someone like no social convention can mimic.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:31 PM   #14
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Maybe it does have some to do with a woman's circle and how the men behave. I am not religious, so I can't say it's Christ... It's just people who were raised to treat people kindly and fairly.

I have been thin and I have been fat. And I would say I have never been harassed or treated poorly by men. I have been judged for being overweight but never cat-called or harassed. Maybe it's how I carry myself too... I don't know.

And add me too that list of those who are losing weight and getting fitter not just for me, but my spouse. He wants a healthy wife he can grow old with and who he finds more attractive. I am also doing it for my kids as they deserve a mom who takes care of herself too.
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Old 06-06-2014, 12:54 PM   #15
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It's not just loosing weight. In my experience, it unfortunately seems that the more attractive some is, the more attention they receive and this is not always welcome. I notice the frequency of this happening depending on if I'm wearing a skirt, if I'm not wearing my glasses, make-up if my hair is done etc. I am lucky in that I have never had experienced any violent attack but I have been harassed and followed around my local mall. I have also had men place themselves in my way obstructing my path because they want me to smile, groping, staring etc.

None of these people were my friends or in my circle. They were all strangers on the street in a big city.

It's a bit disheartening because if I lose weight, I imagine I'll be totally hot and this kind of thing will be unavoidable. Although I do think it's a poor excuse for not looking after your health and no longer say this.
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