[2heavy]

Originally Posted by 2salads

Pardon me for saying so but I think now would be a good time to step back and differentiate topics. When we talk about things like rape culture and sexism what we are talking about is about "power". Sometimes it comes in the form of unwanted sexual advances sometimes it comes in the form or bullying or discrimination. But ultimately it is all about power. People who need power will find a way to get it. Education has a lot to do with it actually.

I think the OP is more addressing how women feel about men judging their bodies based on their weight and how that effects your self-esteem and sexuality. Let's be honest, men, you do it. You judge. If you read around you can see very few posters who say their spouses treat them the same no matter what weight they are. That is a rare man and quite a gift. I have not been blessed with such a husband, nor have most women, in my experience. Most women's husbands won't say anything but you know from the comments they make what they really think. And you get the "special treatment " of being different from those other fat ladies because your husband loves you. And if you are single it can be that much worse. Men might be polite to you but will they ask you out on a date if you are not thin or if they are not fat?

A powerful post.

[1Bluerose68]

Very good insight, on your behalf. I never even considered that part of the male psyche....You are a psych major,yes???

[1Bluerose68]

I think it depends on what you have had on your plate to eat...I would Not say that is the case for ALL women or ALL men. I think trauma has much to do with a lot when it comes to some women resorting to utter rebellion and feeling the need to create a protective outer shell due to past hang ups and trauma.

But, even a brain injurty may lead to not being able to lose weight. I don't think that all overweight women remain this way out of choice. I know for myself that it takes a lot more energy to reduce in weight than to regain.

Put that together with something like trauma and or depression and very slow metabolism and that too affected by a messed up sleep pattern and that affected by trauma and or depression and You have a Full Blown Case of Obesity and Non Compliance in Losing weight........................


Sincerely,
1Bluerose68

[FinallyFree]

This is a really interesting thread. A lot of different points of view and insight.

Thanks for posting.

[3fcuser291505109]

Originally Posted by diamondgeog

I have seen these posts many times all across 3FC. First I want to say how people feel is how they feel. I would never say it wasn't real.

The posts go more or less like this. I am uncomfortable when I lose weight because I get more attention from men. Sometimes the poster also says they want more attention from men.

I will not lie. It often seems like a rationalization to me. I told my wife about these posts last night and she was like what? It was bizarre to her.

At first I almost get offended by them. I am not saying that is the correct reaction, but it is my first honest reaction. C'mon men aren't that bad. But then I start feeling sad that women feel that way. Feelings are feelings. I can not say they are 'wrong'. It is just how some people feel.

So yeah they make me feel offended but then also sad. And how I feel is how I feel it takes NOTHING, it means NOTHING to the original posters. How they feel is how they feel.

But I hope for most it is not a major reason. And that it can be overcome. Having someone be unhealthy and possibly develop major diseases because of bad experiences with men? I guess ultimately no matter what my initial reactions, in the end that is just sad.

Diamondgeog, i think it just depends upon the woman and her life experience! Some may not have had a traumatic past that equates with unwanted male attention so they don't have problems with this.

Others, like me, who have been sexually abused by both my step fathers, preyed upon by older men when i was a teen, along with the usual experiences that women have with men (sexual advances, etc.) they do see the world differently when it comes to their body. Being female certainly does not equate "victimhood" but it is very different than being a man in every way, including the way society portrays a womans body, ie sexualises it for the most part. Thus you have your answer.

For me, it's a doubled - edged sword. Because of my past i secretly covet a mans admiration but not his sexual advances. And USUALLY, the less overweight a woman is, the more she will experience these things from men. Luckily i have a wonderful husband that was the kind that didn't berate me when i was 100 lbs overweight but constantly praises me now that i am slim and oddly enough i have to deal with "squirmy" feelings arising in me now that he does that and i hate it. I'm not using my past as an excuse but it has certainly left its mark on my soul.

So i think basically maybe your answer lies within the background of the woman and her life experiences.

[tkdtara84]

Originally Posted by 2salads

Pardon me for saying so but I think now would be a good time to step back and differentiate topics. When we talk about things like rape culture and sexism what we are talking about is about "power". Sometimes it comes in the form of unwanted sexual advances sometimes it comes in the form or bullying or discrimination. But ultimately it is all about power. People who need power will find a way to get it. Education has a lot to do with it actually.

I think the OP is more addressing how women feel about men judging their bodies based on their weight and how that effects your self-esteem and sexuality. Let's be honest, men, you do it. You judge. If you read around you can see very few posters who say their spouses treat them the same no matter what weight they are. That is a rare man and quite a gift. I have not been blessed with such a husband, nor have most women, in my experience. Most women's husbands won't say anything but you know from the comments they make what they really think. And you get the "special treatment " of being different from those other fat ladies because your husband loves you. And if you are single it can be that much worse. Men might be polite to you but will they ask you out on a date if you are not thin or if they are not fat?

I think this is very true. However, I think the reverse is also true. In general, women might be less visually/sexually focused than men, but I think most women still pay attention to looks (or money, the guy's job, etc., whatever happens to be important to the woman). Very few people are truly unselfish.

My husband isn't at all verbally abusive, and he even makes an effort not to offend or hurt feelings, etc., but I still know that he prefers me thinner. I can tell simply by the way he looks at me.

I haven't had any major trauma in my life, and I live in a more conservative town in the Midwest, and my friends/acquaintances are mostly people I know from church. However, I've still experienced cat calls, comments, etc. a few times. It has happened both when I was thin and when I was heavier, but more often when I was thinner.

I personally don't mind male attention, as long as it's respectful. I was told the other day by a kid working at a cashier that I was beautiful. He blushed and stumbled over his words and everything-- who wouldn't love to hear that? However, it's very different if something sexual is said or if it's said in a disrespectful manner or when the threat of danger is involved. Both kinds of attention and comments increase when I'm thinner. However, since they kind of balance each other out, it's not anything that would prevent me from wanting to lose weight. I also don't live in a large city, experience this on a daily basis, or dress in revealing clothes that invite extra attention.

I watched the video link above and found it really disturbing. I also watched another video on facebook along a similar vein, except in this one, the woman was wearing a really revealing outfit with similar results. I know it's not PC to say, but I'm sorry-- if you're wearing something super revealing, why are you surprised to be getting comments? I think there's a fine line between feeling like you have to wear winter clothes in the summer as in the video linked above (which is absolutely NOT okay) and wearing an outfit that makes you look like a hooker while claiming male attention/comments are unfair and sexist. Use some common sense. Would women look at a half naked man (and bolder ones even comment) walking down the street? Of course. The only difference is there's not the same threat of physical violence in the second situation.

[brothertoad]

To get back to the original post, I fully understand how a woman might be uncomfortable with sexual attention from men (and I'm not talking about the creepy kind). I've never been able to think of myself as a sexual being, can't imagine anyone else thinking of me that way, and am not even comfortable when people talk about dating and such - and I'm a guy. I have no idea why I'm this way, but I can understand how women would feel the way they do.

[MariosG39]

Originally Posted by diamondgeog

I have seen these posts many times all across 3FC. First I want to say how people feel is how they feel. I would never say it wasn't real.

The posts go more or less like this. I am uncomfortable when I lose weight because I get more attention from men. Sometimes the poster also says they want more attention from men.

I will not lie. It often seems like a rationalization to me. I told my wife about these posts last night and she was like what? It was bizarre to her.

At first I almost get offended by them. I am not saying that is the correct reaction, but it is my first honest reaction. C'mon men aren't that bad. But then I start feeling sad that women feel that way. Feelings are feelings. I can not say they are 'wrong'. It is just how some people feel.

So yeah they make me feel offended but then also sad. And how I feel is how I feel it takes NOTHING, it means NOTHING to the original posters. How they feel is how they feel.

But I hope for most it is not a major reason. And that it can be overcome. Having someone be unhealthy and possibly develop major diseases because of bad experiences with men? I guess ultimately no matter what my initial reactions, in the end that is just sad.

They make me feel like laughing. Google: Rationalising.

[healthhelp]

There are a lot of strange people out there. Many mean people and many peo0e that may not like you. Don’t let this get to you, and continue on your way to perfect yourself as you see fit

[Doctorsnetsa]

sometimes we will feel sad if other people see us like that.

[rareve]

It's a little frustrating that everything is dedicated to diets especially for women... it's hard to find something suitable for us.

[SirMoatshe]

There is just nothing to do. It's a person's body. If they do not have good decision making skills then it is up to them, as long as they are assertive