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Old 04-01-2013, 12:35 AM   #31
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It's be said twice now, so I will pipe up. Society just isn't more acceptive of men being fat than women. It's the same deal, except that men may care less what others think of them. I certainly never used to give a **** (translation available upon request).

But nobody sits next to the fat girl on the train. They don't sit next to the fat guy either. And both are the subject of jokes.

I was even poked fun at at the last work dinner I went to. Fortunately I am able to roll with the punches but a very sweet, slim girl (not my wife) also stuck up for me... That's a way to a man's heart. Ouch!
No offense at all, Ian...but I don't completely agree and I'll try to explain why respectfully, of course. A little bit of a tangent, but I'm going to describe what I mean in terms of TV couples.

Think Mike & Molly and Roseann & John Goodman. All of them fairly obese and in their shows, married to each other. I see this type of couple frequently in real life. Now, think of King of Queens, Rules of Engagement, Still Standing....fairly large guys with pretty, thin hot girls. Also, pretty common in real life. Think of the popular, but slightly large football lineman who gets the cheerleader. But, you almost never see the reverse of that, the Roseann/Rosie O'Donnell/Delta Burke/Melissa McCarthy kind of girl with a hot guy. Not too common in TV, not common among dating couples, but occasionally in married couples where the woman gained a lot after having kids. Hot guys want hot girls and the guys with not so hot bodies usually want hot girls, too. Now, if we are talking super obese; it doesn't really matter guy or girl, neither are accepted well.

It isn't all about dating, getting married, etc. If you are talking about employment, for example, it is pretty much the same thing. The slightly overweight (think football lineman again) type of guy has a better chance of finding employment and getting paid better than the equivalent type of woman.

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Old 04-01-2013, 12:57 AM   #32
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No offense taken Mariposssa and thank you for your thoughtful and respectful insights.

But the reality is that thin guys feel comfortable with fat guys because they are not a challenge to them. That's why guys like King of Queens.

Ever since I have started to lose weight, all the guys in my office have stepped it up ever such a little. Some are dressing smarter. Others going to the gym more. All guys like the fat guy because it makes them look better. But that's not good for the fat guy is it?
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:01 AM   #33
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Kevin James is hot.
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:03 AM   #34
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Ever since I have started to lose weight, all the guys in my office have stepped it up ever such a little. Some are dressing smarter. Others going to the gym more. All guys like the fat guy because it makes them look better. But that's not good for the fat guy is it?
That's a weird way to look at it, I think. You don't think that people just like you for you, not just because you aren't threatening (not to mention, married w/kids, etc. You aren't a bunch of single guys at a bar)? If they're changing I imagine it's because they're inspired, not because they're afraid you're going to outdo them.
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:07 AM   #35
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No offense taken Mariposssa and thank you for your thoughtful and respectful insights.

But the reality is that thin guys feel comfortable with fat guys because they are not a challenge to them. That's why guys like King of Queens.

Ever since I have started to lose weight, all the guys in my office have stepped it up ever such a little. Some are dressing smarter. Others going to the gym more. All guys like the fat guy because it makes them look better. But that's not good for the fat guy is it?
I LOVE King of Queens and was that type of girl (pre-marriage, pre-kids) who looked for that kind of big guy.

That happens with women, too. But, the thing about women is--I think-- they are meaner to each other than guys. Think of the movie Mean Girls only when they grow up it is just called catty or "witchy." Life pretty much sucks for the heavy chicks, too. LOL
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:17 AM   #36
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Kevin James is hot.
Yep, I totallly agree. Exactly the kind of guy I go for and thanks for helping me prove my point. It is kind of common for women to like that in a guy. Unfortunately for us...nobody really likes it on a chick.

Where is the guy who will say one of those women I mentioned is hot? Well, I will say it... Delta Burke is hot. But, I have to admit she looks a lot better at her pageant weight than at her mid-Designing Women show weight. It just doesn't look as good on a woman.
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Old 04-01-2013, 01:35 AM   #37
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I think there's a lot more social pressure for men to (outwardly, at least) objectify women and find a conventionally attractive partner. My husband recalls pretending to be attracted to women that he wasn't actually sexually attracted to in his late teens because that was what was socially expected of him and what was applauded by his peer group. Even now, at 30, my husband is called a "chubby chaser" on occasion because his wife (me!) weighs 100 pounds more than he does, when in reality he's attracted to a large variety of women - some very slim, some larger, but most within a healthy weight range and with a wide variety of other features and physical attributes.

Women's social circles, in my experience, seem to be more concerned with whether or not their friends' partners are providing financially. I've received a lot of flak from my female friends about the fact that my husband doesn't make much money and that I've often been the breadwinner over the years, but they've never given me grief over his physical appearance (and my husband is VERY slim - slim enough to keep him from being considered conventionally attractive)
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Old 04-01-2013, 03:31 AM   #38
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So disclaimer: I don't want to sound like a smarty-pants or anything. its just that you guys are literally talking about exactly what I am studying in school (gender and internet based [digitally mediated] communication).

First, from what I have read men and women use the interwebz for two different things. Men like to use the internet as a way to gather information, women to make connections. This explains why it seems that more women use message boards than men do because most forums are more about those connections than a legitimate means to an end. What is interesting about 3fc is that it serves as both a means to an end and a great place to make serious connections.

Also, the name of the site (as mentioned several times before) has a lot to do with men staying away. Some less mature guys probably see the name of the site and it might as well be called "the super happy vagina-rama forum of estrogen (now served with a side of "feelings")" which makes em run screaming. However anyone immature enough to think that and then run as a response probably would not make a good addition to the forum anyway.

As far as fat-boys being more accepted than fat-girls. Well the answer is: yup, its totally true. Fat guys do get the nasty end of the stick but it's marginal compared to what women go through, from within their circles and beyond them. I do predict that men will feel more pressure in the future, but at least right now they don't feel the heat as bad as women do. The only group of men who face that level of body-discrimination (statistically) are gay men. This is because gay men are judged using the same criteria that straight men use to judge women. What is happening in our society now is because gay/queer people are more accepted (than previously) the negative response to not physically perfect male bodies is spilling over into the heterosexual male experience.

Disclaimer #2: Although I talked a lot about males communicate this way and females that way etc., most scholars admit that communication between the sexes is marginally different at best. You only get truly different communication when sitting directly on top of the bell curve. Some masculine communicators use feminine communication techniques and vice-versa. Despite that men and women do tread the internet in two slightly different ways. Its one of the reasons I enjoy support communities composed mostly of women because they don't spend the whole time trying to give you advice.

I think the bottom line is that you can't find many peers here because our gendered society keeps them away. Maybe instead of focusing on how many men are not here focus on the guys who have over-come whatever gender-related obstacles which would have kept them from being here and enjoy the fact that you have a group of awesome women and equally awesome (yet smaller in number) men to help you through a difficult task.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:20 AM   #39
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LOL, BlueJay. Literally. Interesting post and sounds like a class I would have enjoyed...if we only had the Internet when I was in college.
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:20 AM   #40
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Quote:
Kevin James is hot.
Hot now yes. But in King of Queens, as hot or not?
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Old 04-01-2013, 12:28 PM   #41
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not class, focus.
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Old 04-01-2013, 10:17 PM   #42
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Obesity does not know gender, race, income or education level. It was very nice to find a place that shows that to be true. We all battle the same demon we just slay it in our own ways.

And yes Kevin James is hot, so is Seth Rogen, Guy from the food network And the guy from Man v Food.
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Old 04-01-2013, 10:22 PM   #43
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Can the moderators please draw the line here?

Seth Rogen is not hot. Paleeese.
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Old 04-01-2013, 10:25 PM   #44
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Lol lol sorry Ian personal preference I think he's sexy.
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Old 04-01-2013, 10:28 PM   #45
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You can do so much better than Seth Rogen Thinforme! Stick to Kevin James.
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