[Meg]

0

[4rabbit]

Hi Meg,

great summary as always. Incredible that you find the time for this next to the work in the gym.

I actually think that this post on making more of your life touches on a much wider field that just loosing weight. It is all about if you dare to make the choice for your own good, to be selfish.
I for one did make that choice.I realised that I was caught in the trap of having to do everything..Raise a family, have a job, keep house and after taking care of the customers, the family, the house, there was nothing left to take care of myself.

So I quit the job for the time being, I am presently on sick leave actually, and I now concentrate on getting a better life for myself. This includes working out and doing something healthy for my body for a change. I have the occasional guilt episode where I feel that I have failed, but otherwise I think I am getting better slowly but steadily at allowing myself to enjoy life instead of take care of everything and everyone.

And the great thing is that my husband & 2 kids are very supportive in this. I really enjoy having more time to spend with them, especially the kids.

bye,
rabbit

[2sw33t]

This is kind of a sidenote, but it bothers me how so many of us (including myself) refer to prioritizing our own health as selfish. I don't think it is selfish to take care of oneself - we don't consider breathing selfish, so why eating healthy and exercising, which are also basic needs? We all know this, but it's somehow still stuck in our minds that spending time, money, and energy on something that produces personal gain (or loss ) is inherently selfish.

I guess I just hate equating something "bad" (like the word selfish) with something that is, in fact, "good" - for us and for everyone we love.

As for Meg's questions...
What have you always wanted to do that you've been postponing because of your weight? Not really anything in particular, but I had started avoiding physical activities and games because of how tired they made me.

Or do you find yourself turning to food less and less as you get more out of life? Hmmm... sometimes. It might help if I explicitly thought of certain things as optional replacements for food - like the next time I think that brownie cheesecake is too irresistible, I could decide that reading a new book would be equally enjoyable. (Unfortunately, I've very accomplished at the art of eating and reading at the same time )

How have changes in you affected your relationships? This is an interesting question. I'm not really sure. I'm less depressed, so that must have some kind of effect. My dad actually called me his hero, for losing weight and never complaining about the sacrifices it required. He still thinks of it as something to help me "catch a husband" though It has encouraged my mom and some siblings to try to eat healthier and lose weight, and I am now the official expert on such things. Mostly, my relationships seem the same, though.

How has weight loss affected your confidence and self-esteem - or was it the other way around for you? It was definitely weight loss first, with some improvements in confidence and self-esteem following. I'm a tiny bit less self-conscious.

[courageousincolorado]

How has weight loss affected your confidence and self-esteem - or was it the other way around for you?

i could write a dissertation on this subject. my self esteem was in the toilet, and i had very little confidence in myself prior to beginning my weight loss journey. i believed that i was born fat and depressed and would remain that way my whole life.

attempting to change my diet lead to major lifestyle changes. confidence and self esteem were the rewards of picking myself up and trying again each time i slipped and feel back into old eating habits, and seeing i was capable of making lasting changes in my life.

i do a million things today that i thought was never possible for the sad, fat girl i used to know myself to be. i am a college graduate, i have a wonderful boyfriend and friends who are endlessly supportive, and am working on saving money to move to italy for awhile (a life long dream i had been putting off until i "got skinny"), i go dancing all the time. most of all, every beautiful moment is not pervaded by self-hate due to my poor self care and self image. i am no longer depressed, ever. i have sad days, but eating well, exercising, and having a wonderful life makes the hard times easy to bear.

[Jayde]

Originally Posted by 2sw33t

This is kind of a sidenote, but it bothers me how so many of us (including myself) refer to prioritizing our own health as selfish. I don't think it is selfish to take care of oneself - we don't consider breathing selfish, so why eating healthy and exercising, which are also basic needs? We all know this, but it's somehow still stuck in our minds that spending time, money, and energy on something that produces personal gain (or loss ) is inherently selfish.

Among other bad habits like not exercising and eating too much of the wrong foods and inate characteristics (like being born heavy to a heavy mother) I believe that putting other's needs before my own even when it comes to my health is one of the major reasons that I am overweight.

For me it is not a matter of low self esteem per say. I've always had a high self esteem. I think I've always believed myself to be intelligent, pretty, caring, worthy, likeable, ... while at the same time my weight has made me feel out of place and defensive (are those kids laughing AT me because I'm heavy.. or are they just laughing at something else.. you know how that is.. anyhoo.. )

After reading chapter 9 and many of the responses on this thread (and thread 8) I see more clearly how some of my self esteem has been wrapped up in valuing myself based on how I put others before me. It has always been this way. As little girls one of the highest praises my sister and I would get would be when we thought of someone else or did something nice despite the cost or toll on us. It seems as if this quality was admired but also EXPECTED in both of us. Funny thing is our brothers were not treated this way. They were the ones who we took care of.. they expected to be taken care of as our parents set this stage. I learned early on that women are supposed to be nurturers to EVERYONE. As a young girl adorning myself or taking too much interest in my appearance was not only frowned upon but highly discouraged. My husband's family helped instill this even more by very high expectations that the women in our family take care of home and house and children and husband and community. We are expected to think of ourselves last when it comes to spending both time and money.

I don't think it is a bad thing to take care of others but doing so shouldn't be at the cost of ones emotional or physical health. And our self esteem shouldn't ever ride on the measurement of how much we do for others.

[Georgette]

There is so much to comment on in this post and the replies! This key definitely resonates with me! The first think I want to do is post my 20 simple pleasures list!

Gardening
Taking a bath
Taking a sauna
Talking on the phone with a friend while going for a walk
Posting on internet forums

Taking my son roller-skating
Petting the neighbor's dog
Interacting with the neighborhood kids
Staying organized at work
Appreciating cut flowers

Visiting zoos and botanical gardens
Visiting theme parks
Travel
Researching vintage dress patterns
Reading novels

Deep-cleaning for short periods of time
Putting away laundry
Doing hand-washing of laundry with my Wonder Wash!
Reading aloud to my son
Hiking

ZUMBA!

That actually wasn't too hard! I can't do each and every one of these every day, of course, and some I do very rarely even when I have the opportunity. But it's good to do.

Next I'll plan to make a list of things I've wanted to do in my life, bucket list items or goals for fun stuff.