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I can't wear a dress....can I ?

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Old 06-14-2014, 12:45 PM   #1
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Default I can't wear a dress....can I ?

My daughter is getting married August 22....I know short notice, right? I am very heavy right now at 275 thanks to medication I am on for pinched nerves in my back. She wants me to wear a dress. How do I wear a dress and not look like a beached whale? Most of my fluffiness is in the belly. God help me, I am starting to freak out. And I have to take pictures too...I think I am going to die.
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Old 06-14-2014, 12:51 PM   #2
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Google flattering dress styles for your body type, and see what you like from the styles that pop up, and go from there. Once you find a few dresses you like post links on here if you want opinions, and we'll help you. Also shapewear is your friend.
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Old 06-14-2014, 01:11 PM   #3
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Does your daughter know how you feel? Surely she would rather your feel comfortable and enjoy being part of her wedding more than whether or not you wear a dress.
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Old 06-14-2014, 03:01 PM   #4
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1) You can wear a dress. You can wear whatever the heck you want.

2) If most of your weight is in your belly area, have you considered some sort of corset or girdle? That might help you look a little slimmer and when you look at pictures you don't feel bad. I wouldn't wear Spanx; Spanx are for skinny people with minor bulges.

3) Here are some dress styles for people whose weight is mostly located in the midsection:

Gowns that accentuate the smallest part of your torso (which is right under your boobs), and then flares from there to the floor.





Gowns that have a rouched waistline. The rouching conceals our conflict area:





Wide V-necks like the ones I showed you above are great because they create the illusion of a thinner waist.

And then here are some ideas/option if you don't mind wearing a girdle/corset:





The trick is creating the illusion of a longer, slimmer torso through rouching in the right places, a V neck, and flowy fabric. You can also go for a structured, tailored dress as well. I carry my weight in what I call the 4Bs: Back, Belly, Boobs and Booty, so I have kind of learned to play around with styles to conceal my belly and make my figure a bit more stylized (also because I'm 5'4'' and being over 200lbs made me look pretty big).

I hope this helps!
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Old 06-14-2014, 08:16 PM   #5
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CONGRATULATIONS to your daughter!

Your daughter loves you. She knows what you look like. On her wedding day, she will be looking at you and seeing her beautiful mother who has come to celebrate her marriage. That's it that's all.

The photos will be a reminder of wonderful memories of a special day, celebrating your daughter and her partner. No matter what size you are - you will always remember the joy and happiness of the day when you look at these photos. Photos of a special occasion are a great thing - nothing to be feared.

Paulitens has some great dress choices there!
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Old 06-14-2014, 08:39 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HadEnough View Post
My daughter is getting married August 22....I know short notice, right? I am very heavy right now at 275 thanks to medication I am on for pinched nerves in my back. She wants me to wear a dress. How do I wear a dress and not look like a beached whale? Most of my fluffiness is in the belly. God help me, I am starting to freak out. And I have to take pictures too...I think I am going to die.

You can find a dress that will be flattering. I agree on the empire waist (gathered under the bust).

Bridal shops now carry a lot more plus sizes than they used to, so you can try on a few to see what you like.

Also alterationists can do wonders.

I'm in my sister's wedding next Saturday, and the dress (STRAPLESS, SATIN, and full of tucks and gathets and "pick up" skirting) is absolutely the worst possible style for me. Not only appearance-wise, but also for comfort/functionality. With my fibromyalgia-related issues, and tendency towards overheating, if I don't pass out from the tight bodice, I'll be surprised.

And yet my alterationist was able to work miracles. She added straps and sheer, draped sleeves (more arm capes than sleeves - to cover my huge batwings), and somehow, miraculously minimized the hip poof that made the style horrendous for me.

I did pay an arm and a leg for it, but if I'd been able to choose my own dress, the alterations would have been easier and cheaper (and the results even better).
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Old 06-15-2014, 09:47 AM   #7
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Of course you can wear a dress. What other option is there, pants? No, that will draw very negative attention.

I have found a lot of success shopping at Nordstroms for dresses, you can order online and return it in person at the store. I buy a lot of dresses and return all but the one that I choose.

Now is the time to call up your fashionista friend/cousin. You must know someone who is effortlessly put together, having someone go shopping with you can make it a little less daunting. Make it a fun girls day out.

Building a good self image is important no matter what weight you are. So many of us fall into the trap of waiting until we lose weight before we like ourselves. I know women who weigh 120lbs and can't stand looking in the mirror. If anyone deserves loves and affection from us it's US! This is something I've been working very hard on, loving myself and everything about me no matter what I look like. The most important thing to do is to work daily on your self image. Start off by looking in the mirror and finding something you like. It doesn't feel real at first but the more you do it the easier it becomes to find the things you love. Nice skin, beautiful curves, long eyelashes, whatever it is that you like - find it and comment on it. Next you begin by combating the negative thoughts. How many times a day do you say to yourself "i'm too fat" or "I'm going to look like a whale in a dress." Those are things you would never ever ever say to someone who is bigger than you, right? Then why say them to yourself? The abuse we hurl at ourselves is downright criminal. I think of myself as swinging a bat. If I look in the mirror and think "Ugh, my thighs are ginormous!" I immediately stop that thought and think "My thighs are strong and curvy and help me lift and carry and exercise and allow me all the things I want to do!" After a few weeks the negative thinking shrinks remarkably. Eventhough I've only lost 10lbs in my journey I catch glimpses of myself in store windows and think "wow, hot mamma!"
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Old 06-16-2014, 02:07 AM   #8
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If you really want to wear dress in your daughter's wedding you must tell her but I think she will be upset. She wants you to wear dress in her big day maybe you can talk about it and find a dress that will suit and fit you. You can find a dress that can really suit your body style. Paulitens had great ideas too.
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Old 06-16-2014, 07:09 AM   #9
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Yes! Of course you can wear a dress.

I think the most important thing is that it feels comfortable and fits well.

Have it altered, or if you can afford it, have it made from scratch. That way you can choose flattering fabrics, the design and have it fit perfectly!

In addition to all the advice above, kimono sleeves are also great.
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Old 06-20-2014, 07:09 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HadEnough View Post
My daughter is getting married August 22....I know short notice, right? I am very heavy right now at 275 thanks to medication I am on for pinched nerves in my back. She wants me to wear a dress. How do I wear a dress and not look like a beached whale? Most of my fluffiness is in the belly. God help me, I am starting to freak out. And I have to take pictures too...I think I am going to die.
I posted a similar question a few years ago. I was horrified my best friend wanted me to be the maid of honor

To make it worsemshe wanted the wedding party in mint green. I did find the dress/ gown at Macy's. Lots of people said and it was true eceryone will be focusing on the bride.

PS. the marriage lasted 2 years.

. Where and how did you find the pictures of those gowns they are beautiful.
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Old 07-29-2014, 10:19 PM   #11
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I'm quite the opposite: I can only use dresses because my body is strange and with the belly and all its impossible to find pants and when i do they look awfull. I do understand that it can be tough when you feel a certain type of clothing looks unflattering...
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:16 AM   #12
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If a dress makes you uncomfortable, why not try an elegant boatneck shirt with a long skirt? I don't think that you have to force yourself to wear anything that is uncomfortable to you. Elegant silk pant suits are also an option. As for pictures, try to tell yourself that you are happy for your daughter and that what matters is that you are there for her. Pictures can be horrible but the most important thing is that you feel beautiful, confident and happy. That's how I would want my mom to feel at my wedding.
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Old 07-31-2014, 11:20 AM   #13
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I think you should go try on some dresses before making any decisions. You likely can find something very flattering!
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Old 07-31-2014, 12:17 PM   #14
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It's common, for the bride's mother to wear really gorgeous tailleurs here in Brazil. It looks classic, chic and the blazers helps disguise anything that mKes you uncomfortable. I guess the reason many women choose it is because it can be easier to look good on a skirt-blouse-blazer combo than in a dress, that usually shows more of the body. There are some really pretty ones ranging from light colors for the day ou even more glamorous ones for the evening. I've also seem really pretty long skirts and even silk pants with nice blouses with sparkling details in the evening. You can wear a dress, but if it makes you really unconfortable you should talk to your daughter and it should be easy for her to understand.
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Old 07-31-2014, 01:59 PM   #15
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Lots of good advice. However, the OP has not been online here since JUNE 18 so let's hope she's resolved the situation by now.
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